And in the darkness, he found an Alicat
by JodieJelloCube
Summary: How far and for how long can you keep running? Alice started running a long time ago, when it was her only option. When you can't run, you have to hide. And frightened in an alley, Jasper finds her...
1. Chapter 1

'_Her feelings, she hides. Her dreams, she can't find. She's loosing her mind, she's fallen behind. She can't find her place, she's losing her faith. She's fallen from grace; she's all over the place.' – 'Nobody's Home.' – Avril Lavigne._

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><p>The streets were bleached, everything in grey scale, save the hazy, orange glow of the street lamps. I ran and ran; I don't know if I'll ever really stop, I've been running for over a year now. I don't know where to, I only know what from.<p>

You grow accustomed to difficult situations, you manage. Some days are worse than others, some days you wonder who or what hates you so much they would force you to endure such hardships. But, difficult situations are all I've ever known…

It was cold, it was late November and the chill was setting in, winter making its presence known. My back was pressed against the bricks and I could feel the bumps and grooves in the wall, even through my coat. The gravel was damp and uninviting as I huddled in a forgotten corner of an alley hoping my pursuer would give up his search. I wanted to fade into the darkness, become one with it.

In all the nights I'd spent cold, uncomfortable, afraid and lonely, I'd always managed to go unnoticed. But, that night, someone had seen me…

He'd called out to me, he was drunk, stumbling and shouting profanities with a barely concealed aggression, he'd made a grab for me, ripping my shirt and I'd barely managed to make a run for it, with him not too far behind. He'd chased me for a good few blocks before I had found a suitable place to hide, so there I was, terrified, freezing in a filthy alley-way hiding from a foul excuse for a human being.

Surely home had been better than this?...No, it hadn't.

I tried to keep my breathing in check and still remain quiet. Every single noise was a possible threat.

That's when I'd heard it, footsteps. Someone was coming…

I curled in on myself further; I couldn't run anymore, I didn't have the strength. I knew that whoever this man was, he was going to hurt me, but there was nothing I could do about it. So, with a twisted acceptance, I sat and waited.

I couldn't bring myself to look up as the steps became closer, I didn't want to see this…

The even, unrelenting footfalls drew closer still, the ground crunching beneath them as they turned into the lane and my make-shift hiding place.

I heard a soft intake of breath…that hadn't been what I'd expected. My pursuer would've been shouting by now, and he would've stumbled around the corner.

It seemed I'd lost my touch, because I had managed to allow a _second_ man to find me, as well…

Maybe this man would walk on, uninterested and too busy to stop. I hoped so…

But there was no sound of movement, just the shallow breaths as this stranger stared down at me.

I braved a glance up at him. His frame towered over me, his build slightly more than athletic. I couldn't distinguish anything else as the streetlamp behind him made him appear to be a shadow, a black figure that was staring down at me. And I didn't know what he wanted.

I put my arms down to my sides, raising my head to try and make out his expression and when I did he gasped gently.

And within the next second he was knelt beside me. In this new proximity I could see that he was no more than 2 or 3 years older than me, he was striking to look at, his cheekbones were perfection and his eyes burned a gorgeous chestnut as he glanced at me. His hair fell in and around his face, and was the colour of wheat in the fields.

Only a few mere seconds had passed since he'd lowered himself to my height and when he looked at me I could see a thousand questions swimming in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asked gently and the sound of it made my barely fightable tears spill over. That one question was more care than I'd been given in far too long.

He reached a hesitant hand out to swipe at one of my tears and my breath hitched.

Who was he? Where had he come from? Why was he here? But I asked the most important question.

"What do you want?" I blubbered.

"I want to know if you're alright…" he reminded me of his question, which I'd neglected to answer.

I should have lied, I should have let him walk on by, I should have shunned him, like I did with everyone and everything else, but I was tired of pretending and sick of running.

"No, I'm not…" I admitted, my voice weak with my confession, I wasn't okay…I couldn't remember the last time I was, and it hurt to think of that.

He stood up and I felt a near unbearable sense of loss, just when someone cared for me, I pushed them away. I knew it was probably easier though…

But he simply held a hand out for me.

"Come on, I'll take care of you…" and I believed him.

He hand enveloped mine and I truly believed he would fix me, or at the very least, he'd try…

He smiled gently down at me as he pulled me from my crouch.

"I'm Jasper, by the way…"

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><p><em>Should I continue? I think this is gonn<em>_a be a lot darker than any of my previous writing._


	2. Chapter 2

'_We've heard and seen it all; no one's talked us out. The problems that have come haven't yet torn us down.' – 'Always Attract' – You Me At Six._

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

It was a chilly night and again I was forced to walk home because Maria had totalled my car. She'd been drunk and had run it off the road. That had been the final straw…I'd ended out relationship that night.

Maria and I had been high-school sweet hearts, it had been my first serious relationship and I'd worshipped the ground she walked on, I was love-sick and foolish. It took a turn for the worst when Maria became alcohol dependant. I kept telling her to stop; it would cause her to become aggressive and manipulative. My parents, who were like family to her, had disowned her after she'd thrown a vase at me. But, naively I continued to go back and try and help her.

I had gotten her to attend an alcoholic's anonymous group and she'd asked me if she could borrow my car to drive there when hers was in the shop. But she'd been intoxicated, at midday, she'd been under the influence of alcohol and had run my car of the road, earning herself a bad neck sprain and me a hell of a lot in repair bills and our relationship was then over.

4 months had passed and I still couldn't pay for my car to get fixed up, my parents had refused to help out because they said I'd brought it on myself for staying with Maria and so I was walking home on a Friday night, in the freezing cold, in New York city on my way back from yet another failed attempt at getting Maria to sort her life out.

We may have not been a couple, but I still cared, I'd spent the majority of my teenagers years with Maria, and I wasn't likely to ever forget how I'd once felt, I wanted her to get better, she'd had so many dreams, and had so much potential, it was a shame to see it go to waste.

I sighed and flicked my cigarette butt into a nearby drain, I buried my hands deep into my pockets to save them from the dropping temperature, I was only a few blocks from my apartment and I quickened my pace.

The hooting of drunks and tinkling of smashing glass was a background noise to the dark, cold night. People were celebrating the arrival of the weekend and a part of me wished I could join them, but the other part knew that, given the opportunity, I wouldn't.

I scuffed my feet along the frosty path as I turned onto a quiet, run down Side Street, about half way down there was a small alley that cut through the other side of the block, a bit of a shortcut home.

I turn the corner and stopped dead in my tracks, I blinked hard a few times because I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Huddled in a ball, back firm against the wall was a girl; I couldn't tell how old she was as she had her face hidden in her arms, which she had crossed over her knees.

She didn't move but her breathing was laboured and she seemed absolutely terrified.

After a moment she moved her arms down and raised her head to look at me.

When her eyes met mine, I gasped, they were a breath-taking green, she looked petrified, and so, so lost. She seemed to hold this strange maturity, as if she had been forced to grow up to fast. I'd never seen a single person look so broken, and I knew she was in pain, from that one glance, I knew.

I quickly crouched beside her and tried to let her know that I wouldn't hurt her.

"Are you alright?" I murmured.

The second the words were out of my mouth she was crying. I raised a hand to brush away the moisture that fell.

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice cracked and I picked up on the trace of fear in her words. My heart bled for her, I had no idea who had put her in this situation but I couldn't believe she automatically assumed I would hurt her.

"I want to know if you're alright…" I said again.

After a moment of hesitation she met my eyes again.

"No, I'm not…" she sobbed and I had an overwhelming urge to hold her to me and make her promises I had no way in keeping.

I stood up and held a hand out to her, having decided that I would take care of her, even if it was only giving her a place to stay for the night.

"Come on, I'll take care of you…" I assured her.

There was a small pause before she slipped her hand into mine.

I smiled in encouragement as I pulled her up off the ground.

"I'm Jasper, by the way…" I informed her, feeling ashamed that I hadn't introduced myself sooner.

"Alice…" She murmured shyly, looking down at her feet as she followed me further into the alleyway.

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><p><em>Reviews Please, they make me update, the part of my brain that updates is fuelled by reviews…<em>


	3. Chapter 3

'_Leave a dream where the fallout lies__, __watch it grow with the tearstain dries__. __To keep you safe tonight__. __Heat burns my skin__,__ never mattered 'bout the shape I'm in__, __I'll keep you safe tonight.' – S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W – My Chemical Ro__mance._

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I followed him blindly, in all the nights I'd spent on the streets, I'd never been to this part of town, I knew it would do me no good. Darkness had long fallen and the cackling of drunkards and the blazes of trashcan fires seemed so expected and in the norm I'd worried about what kind of man this Jasper was. I knew that it was foolish, but I trusted him, to a certain extent, at any rate, he was all I had.

He seemed completely unfazed by the graffiti, litter and near constant crashing and boisterous profanities. I wondered idly if I should have feared him. Where was he taking me? What if he tried to hurt me?

But every single time I made the decision to voice my concerns, before I could get the words out he'd squeeze my hand gently or give me a reassuring smile.

Just the feel of his fingers entwined with mine, the weight of his hand in my own, it seemed to ground me, give me something real to hang on to, even if it was only for a little while.

After a block or two the apartment blocks and houses seemed to be getting further apart, it was a lot quieter, and the route was paved with clear side-roads and patches of gravel or wasteland yet to be built on.

He led me to an apartment block down a side-road past a petrol garage. I followed him to the third floor and he smiled sheepishly as he opened his door and let me step inside.

I let go of his hand for the first time since meeting him and stepped over the threshold, I trailed my hand over the smooth wall of the narrow hallway. My eyes drank in every detail. The apartment was cluttered, but not overly messy. Beside the door was a small shelf that held various keys and spare changed that he'd obviously emptied from his pockets in passing. The main area was filled with two small sofas, each looked thickly padded and incredibly comfortable but they didn't quite match, the one being a faded royal blue and the other being a tattered old navy.

The one sofa was facing an out dated TV that sat atop a cabinet filled with a games console and what appeared to be an extensive collection of games and movies. The other sofa went up the left wall, and above it was a large breakfast bar, giving view into the reasonably sized kitchen.

I walked in, wide-eyed, cataloguing every detail as each and every new thing I saw gave me insight into who exactly Jasper was. It felt weird, thinking his name; it felt weird being in his home. He knew nothing but my name and he had no reason to be generous, but he I was, in his home, gawping at his belongings with not an ounce of understanding as to why.

In the far right corner of the room there was a large, full-length easel and on it was a reasonable sized canvas with a half-finished painting upon it.

My breath caught as I stared at it, the piece showed the silhouettes of a woman and a man, they were holding hands, the figures themselves were black, but fading to a dark grey on the sides closest to each other. Above the man's head the sky was an explosion of oranges and reds, like a firey sunset, or a blazing fire, but above the woman's head the sky was a mix of purples, blues and greens, it felt a beautiful darkness and a mysterious tranquillity.

I heard Jasper clear his throat as he stepped around me and draped a sheet over the top of the easel covering the painting completely.

"I'm sorry." I apologised immediately.

"It's alright, I don't usually let anyone see my work until it's completed, it's not anything you've done wrong. I wasn't expecting company so didn't bother to cover it." He explained, his voice suddenly timid.

"Well, it was beautiful…" I assured him.

He gave me a quick smile and motioned for me to take a seat.

"Would you like a hot drink?" He asked.

"Yes, please." I answered immediately, nodding.

He opened the door to the kitchen and I watched his back through the space of the breakfast bar as he put the kettle on. He then left the kitchen and disappeared into a room directly across from it, which I assumed was his bedroom.

He returned a few moments later with a faded grey t-shirt, I looked up at him quizzically until he inclined his head towards my chest and that's when I remembered that why shirt had been ripped, I blushed scarlet as I took the t-shirt from him and he turned his back so I could change.

The silence that fell was awkward and unavoidable, neither one of us knew what to say, I wasn't entirely comfortable being there and didn't know what to say to him, but I knew that it was where I was better off. I knew that I owed him for what he'd done, I wasn't his responsibility.

He came out an handed me a cup of steaming tea and I smiled in thanks.

"I think we should introduce ourselves properly. I'm Jasper Whitlock." He smiled warmly at me.

"I'm Alice…" I informed him again but then my face fell "Just Alice." I added, staring, unseeing into my cup.

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><p><strong>I love Reviews, they make me happy. (: <strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Just wanted to start by saying thank you ever so much for the reviews. I've had more reviews/faves/alerts for this story than any of my others, and this is only the 4****th**** chapter. It means so much to me and I hope you continue to inflate my writing ego and spur on this story.**

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><p>'But it doesn't ever make a difference. I'm running into a wall, salt tears in my mouth. Now all that fear comes back around, maybe you gotta lose yourself just to be found.' – 'Salt' – Elissa Franceschi featuring Josh Franceschi.<p>

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

I don't really know what I'd expected to happen when we got back to my apartment. She stared around herself, her fingertips trailing lazily, gently across the wall as she walked further into my home. I got the impression it'd been a while since she'd had a warm, welcoming roof over her head. I'd always had this strange urge to protect, I didn't fully understand why, but when someone needed me, I couldn't turn away. I knew that, that was not going to help me in the long run, and that it was inevitable that someone would take advantage. But, she looked so vulnerable. I would never forget the look in her eye, like a deer caught in headlights, like she was just waiting for a blow, for a kick while she was still down. Nobody should ever put that look in her eye, she didn't deserve that. She was so dainty, she was underweight and physically weak, but the way she held her head, how she was guarded, hinted at an inner strength.

It was obvious she was in need of a shower; I didn't know how to bring it up while still being subtle though. I cleared my throat and stood to take her now empty cup back into the kitchen, she sat motionless, only her eyes moved as they followed my every step.

"Alice?" I called out to her softly. I was worried of frightening her; she looked so fragile sitting there in my Tshirt and her tattered jeans.

She raised her head slightly, indicating she'd heard me, but she didn't say anything.

"Would you like to use the shower? And I could wash your clothes for you?" I offered gently.

She bit her full bottom lip and broke eye-contact momentarily before looking back at me, but the gleam had left her irises and she seemed to tense.

"I…I don't have anything to change into…" she murmured nervously.

I'd already guessed as much. I smiled softly at her.

"I'm sure I could find you something, maybe some old shorts of mine or something?" I suggested to her while mentally checking my wardrobe to see if I had such a thing.

She seemed to ponder the idea for a moment before giving me a shy little nod. I smiled reassuringly at her. I led her into the bathroom; I sifted through the cabinets until I pulled out the strawberry scented, child-friendly shampoo and conditioner set I kept for Jessie.

I smiled shyly at her as I held them out.

"I'm sorry, that's the best I've got, I don't use conditioner myself. I keep that for when my niece comes over." I explained quickly.

She smiled slightly in thanks and there was a glimmer in her eye I'd seen a few times. It was a subtle flare of curiosity with a hint of realisation, and her face seemed to soften whenever that look came into her eye. I'd always been pretty good at reading people, and I assumed she was trying to work me out, to decide whether or not she trusted me.

That was fine by me, because I had nothing to hide. My life was far from perfect and I'd made mistakes, but it wasn't very often that I regretted the choices I'd made. I didn't regret trying to help Maria, and I never would, because I knew the kind of person she could be, that she used to be, before her alcoholism.

I still had the memories, and I still remembered how it felt when she'd told me she loved me. The thing was, she just loved alcohol more, and there's only so much one man can do, so after realising that I simply wasn't enough, I'd packed my shit and left. I didn't regret that either.

I would never hide the fact I adored my niece, she had me wrapped around her little finger and I would protect her 'til my dying breath. Jessie had always been a huge part of my life from the day she came into the world.

Despite the fact that I was only 18 at the time, I worshipped the ground she walked on. Four years later and I was still her favourite babysitter and her first choice whenever she wanted something, because she knew I couldn't say no.

My twin sister Rosalie had been desperate for a child, she had always had this maternal instinct, just like me with my protective urges; we'd had these compassionate parts of us that had only intensified as we grew.

When her and her long-term boyfriend Emmett had decided to conceive I was wary of their decision, I thought 18 was simply too young.

After Jessie was born Rose suffered from postnatal depression, her mother-daughter fantasy had been nothing like the reality that faced her, she simply didn't know how to cope, though she loved her daughter more than the moon and the stars she just didn't think she could make it, she didn't believe she could be a good mother, so while Emmett consoled Rosalie, I cared for Jessie.

And the bond that had formed between me and Jessie for nearly the first year of her life had only intensified over time. My four year old niece would often call me up requesting she stay with me when her parents had plans.

I was proud of the decision I'd made, whether they'd done me good or bad. I wanted Alice to trust me, and if she ever wanted to know anything, she simply had to ask.

I excused myself for a moment so I could fish some old pyjama shorts out of the far corners of my wardrobe and I returned to the bathroom and left them folded on the toilet tank before leaving again so Alice could get out of her clothes.

After a moment the door creaked open and she stuffed her clothes through before shutting the door again and turning the shower on.

I quickly put her clothes into the washing machine before plopping myself down to flick through some TV.

It was an unusual feeling, having a stranger in my house, but at the same time, I liked the fact that she was here. I liked the fact that I'd managed to help her.

She looked beautiful when she smiled; her entire face seemed to glow and her eyes sparkled. It seemed it had been a while since she had anything to smile about. I wanted to change that.

She looked so broken, like her heart and mind lay in tatters as her body wasted away. But she held this unique mystery, a beautiful darkness and an unusual pain.

So different and so similar to the way I used to view Maria. Even in the days when her eyes were bloodshot and she was crying for another drink, all the times when she'd scream in rage or throw whatever was in her reach, she still looked beautiful, a beautiful darkness.

I glanced briefly at the covered canvas in the corner of the room. Beautiful darkness; that was my main inspiration. But another similarity between Maria and Alice, they were brave.

I had no idea what had happened to Alice, or why she'd been on the streets, or for how long. But she'd survived, she'd gone day by day, waiting for a kick, but praying it would never come.

Maria kept trying to prove to herself more than me, that she could beat her addiction. She kept telling me that she'd do it. I'd seen her in her worst days. I'd seen every time she'd wince when she'd been struggling to stay sober and others would be leisurely drinking around her. I'd seen how she'd bitten the inside of her cheek and how her fingers twitched for the bottle. But she'd never, ever relapsed in front of me, or anyone else. It was only when she was alone, and her thoughts had tormented her, had she ever turned back to her poison.

I heard a soft throat clearing and I turned to see Alice, in my old T-shirt and my shorts, they were elasticated and she tightened them as much as she could, but they still hung low on her hips, but that didn't matter; the T-shirt nearly came to her knees anyway.

She had her hands clasped in front of her, her fingers twisting and untwisting. Her hair was damp and her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the water.

I'd be lying if I said she didn't look completely adorable. Now that her hair was freshly clean and slightly wet I could see the glimmer of chestnut it had as the light shone on it. I'd wondered as the why she had it cut like that, it was short, uneven and in no particular style, but in an odd way, it kind of suited her. It was untamed, but cute.

"Thank you." She told me gently, her eyes showed her sincerity as she met my gaze.

"No problem." I assured her at once.

One of her hands rose to wipe under her eye, it shook ever so slightly as she brought it back down to clasp with the other one.

Her shoulders slumped slightly and her eyes were on the floor and after a silent moment the sound of a quiet sob met my ears.

My heart bled for her and the more she sobbed the more I felt completely fucking useless.

"Hey…" I called gently, trying to get her attention.

"Alice…" I tried again. "Come here, we'll watch a movie or something okay. Please don't cry." I pleaded.

That had always been one thing I could never handle, I couldn't deal with women crying, I didn't know what to do, and I always started panicking.

I patted the space beside me on the sofa and she hesitantly sat down. I didn't know how to reassure her; I didn't know her and didn't know what she would be comfortable with.

I gently put my hand over hers, which were still tightly clasped together in her lap. I smiled gently when she looked up at me.

After taking a deep, shaky breath she tried to return my smile, but it faltered.

"What movies you got?" she asked softly, trying to sound enthusiastic. I smiled wider.

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><p><strong>Okay guys, do you like protective Jasper? Do you think Jasper is delusional with his hope for Maria to change? Do you want more Maria? Less Maria? Do you like Unclesper? Thoughts please! <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Thanks a lot for your support and feedback. I have to ask you a small favour though.**

**So, Last night I attended church for the first time, I am not a religious person and went solely to support my friends. I posted a quick blog about the experience on my tumblr. It was a touching and enlightening experience and it would mean a lot if you could give my blog post a quick read. **

**Jodiebethstone(.)tumblr(.)com/post/8881589703/non-christians-can-benefit-from-church-services**

** - - Remove Brackets.**

**Thanks!**

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><p>'<em>I feel so lost, but what can I do?' – 'Stay' – Hurts.<em>

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I sighed as the steamy water pelted down on me, I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a hot shower. It felt nothing less than heavenly. I tilted my head back and felt the heat against my face. I could feel the dirt and grime being wiped from me. The scent of the street and the chill of winter faded away down the plug-hole. I scrubbed at my face, feeling more alive than I could ever remember; it was an odd sensation, almost as if I hadn't been aware of my numbness until it was healing.

When I'd first turned the water on I'd flinched back automatically, seemingly unaccustomed to the feel of it as it hit my skin. But standing under it was so calming, so comfortable. I never wanted to get out.

It actually made me feel _relieved_. I almost felt like my entire being was being _cleansed. _

I flipped the cap off of the shampoo, and was instantly hit with the intoxicating scent of strawberries and cream. I breathed it in, closing my eyes as I memorised the odour.

It felt like this was the first and maybe the only time I would experience this. Even though it was _obviously _not my first shower, I felt like it was, it'd been so long. It was something to be savoured, committed to memory, and not to be taken for granted.

I already owed Jasper so much, and I didn't even know him. Yet, he made this whole ordeal seem like it was nothing. He made it seem effortless to give me exactly what I needed in the time I needed it most, regardless of knowing me.

I would forever be grateful for what he'd done, but I couldn't trust him. I didn't know him, each slice of information I uncovered was just another puzzle piece. I was just putting his character together, constructing the person he was inside my mind and more than half the parts were missing.

I knew that he was an artist, creative. I knew that he lived alone. Maybe he was dedicated to what he did and didn't like interruptions? Maybe he didn't like getting close to people?

I knew that he was well spoken and polite. Maybe he'd had a good upbringing? Maybe he was religious? Maybe he was trying to proof himself? Maybe he was trying to turn his life around?

I knew that his clothes were low-key, and impersonal. Maybe he didn't like standing out? Maybe he didn't have a style preference? Maybe he had just thrown anything on when going out before he'd found me?

There were simply too many possibilities for me to make an educated guess. And the things I did know about him were not important, and raised more questions than answers. Therefore, I couldn't trust him.

The one thing that I'd learnt about him that gave me a definite inside into his personality and life was the fact he was an uncle.

When he spoke of his niece he'd had this look in his eye and the softest of smiles on his face. It was plain as day, he adored her. And he wasn't ashamed to let me, a relative stranger, know about it.

She stayed over, which indicated that he cared for her often, which meant he was good with kids. If he was dangerous, he wouldn't be allowed to look after her, would he?

I found myself wondering what his niece looked like, and how old she was, which led to me realising that I didn't even know how old he was!

I decided that it was best to stop speculating about the ifs, buts and maybes and just go out and thank him for everything he'd done.

When I turned off the water and rubbed myself dry, I quickly scrambled into his T-shirt and I yanked his shorts on, tightening them as much as possible before glancing in the mirror and deciding it wasn't going to get any better than that.

I found him sprawled on the sofa, absently flipping through television programmes. I cleared my throat to gain his attention.

I stammered out a soft "Thank you." I didn't know whether he thought I meant for the shower or what, but I meant for _everything._ I just couldn't say it though, because it made my eyes tear up.

It had been so long since I'd been cared for, and it hurt to know that this stranger cared, when he didn't have to, and the people who should've, didn't one little bit.

They were tears of pain, tears of gratitude, tears of loss, tears of relief and they were tears of hope.

Even sobbing was a strange sensation, it'd been so long since I'd let go and I just crumbled. I struggled for breath but at the same time I'd never felt lighter. People always say that crying helps, I never really understood that. But, when you've been holding back for so long, you really do just need to open the flood gates. And when I'd finally finished, again I felt relieved.

It'd been so long since I'd had relief. Whether that be relief from the cold, relief from pain, relief from hopelessness, relief from nothingness or relief from hardship. And I'd been relieved of all those things the second Jasper welcomed me into his home. Even if only temporarily. It was _overwhelming_, and I knew in that moment, that he was a good person, a _truly_ good person.

He beckoned me to sit beside him and even though I knew he wasn't comfortable and probably a bit wary of me in this emotional state, he put his hand over mine, and I knew he wanted to help.

His hand was warm, and seemed to engulf my own. He smiled at me softly, as if letting me know that it was okay.

What happened next was completely surreal, I found myself watching South Park with a fleece blanket tucked snuggly around me on the sofa, with Jasper, eating Chinese take-out.

I moaned in appreciation as the first bite of food hit my tongue. _God_, it was unbelievable. It was an explosion of ecstasy in my mouth and I could have eaten it forever. I scarfed it down so quickly I might as well have inhaled it. I didn't care that it was rude, I didn't care that I was messy and I didn't care if he saw my lack of eating etiquette, because it tasted _SO_ good.

Jasper smiled at me when I set my empty food carton onto the coffee table that occupied the centre of the room.

"Good?" He asked.

"Good doesn't even _begin_ to cover it." I admitted.

He chuckled before standing to take my box and his own into the kitchen to dispose of them.

When he returned and sat back down in his place at the opposite end of the sofa I decided it was the best time to get some answers.

"Uhmm…Jasper…how old are you? …If you don't mind me asking." I started.

"I'm 22…you?" He answered automatically.

"I'm…18…" I admitted, blushing despite myself.

He just smiled easily; not at all bothered by the fact I was younger than him. Not that, that would have mattered in our situation anyway.

"My sister was your age when she had Jessie." He informed me suddenly. Again that smiled graced his lips at the mention of his niece.

"Sister?" I asked, it was clear he had a sibling, because of the fact he had a niece, but he hadn't indicated whether or not he had a brother or sister when he'd first mentioned Jessie.

"A twin." He added, nodding.

He had become an uncle when he was my age, I know that's not such a big deal, there are people a lot younger that have become aunties and uncles, but considering it was his twin, that must have been slightly different.

"Are you close?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Very, but I suppose most twins are…" He told me at once, again with an easy smile and eyes filled with sincerity.

"What about you? Any siblings?" He asked. I knew that he had every right to ask after I'd just interrogated him, but I wasn't comfortable with answering.

"I…I…No, I don't have any siblings…I don't have any family at all, actually." I confessed, it wasn't a lie, the family I did have had disowned me, and I them, a long time ago. So, no, I did not have family, as far as I was concerned.

Luckily, Jasper seemed to sense that I didn't want to talk about it, and he didn't push me either. For which I was thankful.

After a few more episodes of South Park and some light chatter, mostly about the show itself as I didn't want to go into personal stuff, I helped Jasper convert the sofa into a bed and he handed me spare blankets and pillows and quite willingly let me camp out in his front room. He didn't bring up me leaving and neither did I, and that gave me a sense of warmth inside, but I didn't dare get my hopes up.

So, with a final goodnight and a warm smile, Jasper went to bed, and as I stared at the ceilings, tucked comfortably and wrapped up warm, I didn't think anything could feel better.

And then, sleep took me, and it was the best night's sleep, I had ever had.

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><p><strong>Do you like Alice? Do you agree with her assessment of Jasper? What do you think should happen next? Do you prefer Jasper's POV or Alice's? Let me know! Thanks again!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

'_Take back every word I've said, ever said to you. Take back, every word I've said because everything I touch turns to stone so wrap your arms around me, and leave me, walking alone.' - 'Blessed with a curse.' – Bring Me The Horizon. (My current favourite song.)_

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

"Good morning." I greeted her, smiling as I walked out of my bedroom to find her sat up on the sofa-bed, the blanket still around her. I turned into the kitchen and heard her get up and follow after me.

I felt bad having to leave Alice all day by herself, but I needed to get to work or we'd both be without a home. I made us both a quick breakfast and asked her how she slept. She seemed a lot more comfortable with herself; she seemed well-rested, which I was glad of.

"You'll be alright here on your own won't you?" I asked after breakfast as I placed our empty dishes into the sink. I glanced at her over my shoulder and a small smile graced her lips.

"Sure, I'll be fine. But, y'know, I'd understand if you wanted me to leave and then come back when you're home." She murmured as she looked down.

"Why would I ask you to do that?" I asked, bewildered.

"Well, you don't know me, so I'd understand if you were uncomfortable leaving me alone in your home all day…" She explained.

My eyebrows shot into my hairline, I hadn't even thought of that. But, I knew what she was saying was logical, and would have probably been a request made by many people in my situation. But the thought of her having to stroll around all day with nothing and no one, waiting for me, seemed so unnecessary.

Maybe it wasn't in my best interest for me to be so willing to let her stay, but I didn't want to turn her away, and I had welcomed her into my home, and I'd made it her home too. I wouldn't set terms as to when or why she could come and go.

"Nah, I trust you." I decided and then winked at her.

She blushed slightly, and a shy smile slid across her face. I tilted my head to the side as I watched her; I hadn't expected that to embarrass her.

"Y'know, I feel bad about mooching off of you, maybe if I cleaned around and maybe did some cooking then I could earn my keep?" she offered. When her eyes met mine I could see how much she didn't want to be a burden. I didn't expect her to do anything but if it made her feel better I didn't have an issue with it.

"If you want to, but you really don't need to." I agreed. She nodded, seeming satisfied.

I gave her a smile before making my way into the hall to slip on my shoes and grab my jacket. I was aware of her behind me so I turned to give her a goodbye.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yes, thank you, Jasper. For everything…" she said suddenly, she looked down and her cheeks flamed when the words were out.

She shuffled nervously and balled her shaking hands into fists at her sides. She really was adorable.

I don't know exactly why, but I reached a hand out tentatively to brush my fingertips down her face, tracing her jaw slightly.

Her cheeks reddened again and she finally looked up at me. Her bangs fell haphazardly in her eyes, her lashes long and thick, framing those eyes that held that same innocence, fear, pain and beauty. But I noticed something that made me smile; they were no longer filled with hopelessness, because she was no longer alone.

"No problem…" I breathed, before dropping my hand and pulling the apartment door open.

"Have a nice day at work…" she mumbled, embarrassed again.

"Good bye, Alice. I should be back around 5 o'clock. I finish at 4 but I need to go and pick up a few things…Help yourself to anything in the kitchen when you get hungry. Don't answer the phone, I doubt anyone will call but just in case, it's easier if you don't answer, I haven't exactly had a chance to discuss this situation with anyone yet." I explained softly.

She nodded and gave me her adorable little quirky smile.

"Bye Jasper…" she said softly before I shut the door after me.

It was a long, cold walk to work, as it always was, I again cursed Maria for ruining my car. Then I cursed myself for trusting her with it. There were times when I believed that trusting her at all, had been my biggest mistake.

I worked at a local restaurant, nothing too fancy, but nice enough. I was a waiter/bartender, mostly waiter but I worked behind the bar whenever they required me for a late shift, which wasn't often.

The restaurant opened at 11am with a lunchtime menu, closing at 3 before opening up again at 5 for the dinner time set-menu and bar opening. I worked the day shift, arriving at 9:30 to help set up and then staying 'til 4 to help set up for the evening crowd.

It wasn't often that I was required to do a late shift, not that I minded doing it anyway. It was an easy job, good pay and a great chance to socialise with people.

I'd always been a rather charismatic person and working behind the bar had given me a great opportunity to mingle with people and keep up my social skills.

When I got there I was a little early, but I usually was, me and Peter always met out back to have a cigarette before shift started.

"Jay!" Peter called as I approached.

He handed me a cigarette and a lighter. I smiled at him in thanks before quickly sparking up and taking a long drag.

"How's Charlotte?" I asked as a conversation starter.

This little goofy grin crossed his face and he seemed focused on something far away for a second before he snapped back to the present. "Good…she's good."

I chuckled under my breath. Those two were like puzzle pieces, they just fit and Peter was completely head-over-heels, no-doubt-about-it in love with her.

It all started when Charlotte was a photography student, taking pictures of the bustling suburbs of New York City. It had started to rain and by chance she'd ducked into our restaurant.

It had been a dull work day, me and Peter had been dying for a customer to occupy just a little of our time. We'd flipped a coin and Peter had ended up being her server. And the rest is history.

I exhaled into the cold air as Peter flicked some ash away from him.

"So…uh, how're things with Maria…?" He asked a bit awkwardly. Peter was hardly her biggest fan but he was my best friend, so he knew more than he really wanted to, and never complained.

"I don't even know anymore…I don't know what she wants me to do...I can't help her if she doesn't want to help herself…and I shouldn't have to. She went insane last night, shrieking at me and spewing all this shit about how she doesn't need me and she doesn't want my help…I never really thought I'd say this, but, I think I've finally given up on her." I decided.

"Jay, I can't stand her, you know that. And I would have told her to stick it a long time ago. But, I know you, you help people, that's kinda what you do…" he shrugged before placing his cigarette back between his lips.

"I know when I'm not wanted…plus, there's somebody who needs my help more, who actually wants it…" I admitted.

"Oh?" the surprise in his tone made that one syllable into a question. He wanted details.

I sighed, flicking ash onto the ground before looking up into the greyscale sky.

"Her name's Alice…I found her yesterday when I was on my way home from yet another uneventful visit with Maria…" Could it really have been only yesterday? It was ridiculous that I hadn't even known her for 24 hours yet I felt like I was the only one in the world that knew her at all.

"You _found_ her?" He asked, incredulous.

I sighed again, rubbing my hand over my face.

"Yeah, I _found _her, cowering in some grimy alley way at an ungodly hour of the night looking scared out of her wits and freezing down to her core." I clarified.

I heard Peter's gasp.

"And then what? You just took her home with you?"

I sighed again, I knew this wasn't going to make much sense to him, it didn't make much sense to me either, but I had to explain my own actions to both Peter and myself.

"No, I asked if she was alright, y'know, it was the logical thing to do. And when she looked at me, _really_ looked at me…God, you should have seen her, she was downright _terrified_, I'd never seen anyone look so vulnerable, and she actually thought_I_ was going to hurt her…And, well…I just knew right then, that I couldn't leave her there…" I looked down at the ground, kicking loose gravel absently. I knew it made no sense, but I had no other way to explain what I'd done. But I didn't and never would regret the decision either.

"Okay." Peter said.

"_Okay_?" I asked, with one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah…Okay. Like I said, I know you and I know that there's no way you would've had it in you to abandon her…" he clarified.

I smiled before stubbing out my cigarette and flicking the butt somewhere behind me.

"We have work to do…" I stated, opening the staff door so me and Peter could head inside.

Worked dragged, and that was rather strange. I enjoyed what I did; I was always friendly and approachable to all customers and usually got good tips because of it. But I just wasn't focusing. I was distant and doing everything methodically.

I had already made the decision to go and pick up a few things for Alice before heading home. But I started panicking over what exactly she needed, and what if she thought I was interfering too much? What if I was overthinking it? What if she wasn't even there when I got home?

It was getting ridiculous, and distracting me from my work. I gave a huge sigh of relief when it was time to take a break. I was out of the door and lighting a cigarette before anybody could deny me.

Peter sauntered out a minute or two later, both eyebrows raised and arms crossed.

It would've been comical if it weren't directed at me and my current state.

"Dude, I've never seen you this keyed up, what the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded.

I sighed. "I need to pick up a few things for Alice on the way home, but I don't know what, I've never been very good at shopping for girls and I've definitely never done this kind of shopping before…"

Peter laughed at me, he actually _laughed._ I scowled at him.

"Jay, chill. I'll call Charl and get her to do it for you, and then we'll drop you home straight after work." He offered, his face still plastered with an amused smile.

"Really? You don't think she'd mind?" I checked, I didn't want to trouble Charlotte.

"Nah, she's off work today, and you know how she _hate_s being cooped up in that apartment, she'd be grateful for something to do."

I let out a huge breath in relief and instantly felt lighter.

"Thanks." I told him. I gave him a brief overview of Alice's physical description, for clothing purposes, and then left Charlotte to her own devices for the rest.

He called her straight away and obviously, Charlotte being the god-send that she was, she had no problem doing me the favour.

Thanks to Peter and Charlotte's much needed and appreciated interference, I was able to get straight back into my work with no difficulty and no distractions.

I pegged another order at the kitchen window and sounded the bell before loading up my tray with the drinks for my latest customers.

I almost had this air of calm around me, I practically floated around the restaurant with my tray in one hand as I smiled warmly and made polite acknowledgement or conversations with whomever I passed.

My good mood immediately shattered when the bell above the door sounded another customer's arrival. _Maria_.

She used to hold this exotic beauty, with her caramel skin, black-coffee hair and chocolate eyes. But now she just looked ill, her eyes sunken into her skull and void of all emotion, watery in their gaze. Her skin gave an unhealthy sheen; she was the shell of the woman I once knew, the woman I still loved.

_Professional, polite. Professional, polite. _I coached myself.

"Hello, table for one?" I asked.

"Uh…I was kinda hoping you'd join me?" she murmured.

"I'm working." I stated. I didn't want to be harsh with her, but it was awfully hard to build a life without her if she kept showing up.

"Jazz, I'm sorry for what I said to you last night. I was out of order." She whispered.

"Maria, I've tried to help you, for far too long I've been your only support. Yesterday you told me you didn't want or need my help. I've never denied you anything Maria, but you don't want me around anymore. So, I'm not going to waste my time." I explained.

Despite the fact our relationship had ended months ago, she'd still insisted that I be there for her. Maria had been my first and so far, only love. If she wanted my help she would get it, but she'd said she didn't.

"Jazz, please, I'm sorry. I was wrong, okay?" she was near begging.

I glanced around quickly, searching for an escape. I caught Peter's eye, he was stood next to the kitchen door, arms folded, lips in a hard line and eyes blazing. I couldn't forgive her, it would only happen again.

"Maria, I should have given up a long time ago." I tried to reason with her.

"I still love you." She murmured.

"Sometimes that's just not enough. And regardless of what we might feel, for us, love was _never _enough." I told her, I admit it was harsh, but she left me no other options. It hurt me to say it, but in the long run, giving in to her would only hurt me more.

With that, I turned my back on her, and continued my job with a dampened mood and a somewhat heavy heart.

As I was headed to the kitchen to grab a freshly prepared order Peter pulled me to the side slightly.

"Hey, you did the right thing, y'know." He informed me.

"That doesn't change the fact that I feel like a complete bastard." I sighed.

He chuckled slightly before letting me get back to work.

4o'clock was fast approaching and I was eager to get home. Well, there's a first time for everything.

"Jay! Charlotte's out front!" Peter called back to me as I finished up.

I jumped into the backseat and Charlotte sped away.

"Hey Charl, thanks for today." I said.

"No Problem, Jay!" She smiled at me through the rear-view mirror.

"You are so perfect." Peter cooed before leaning over and pressing a kiss to Charlotte's cheek, she beamed back at him.

They were so love-sick it made me feel like a total loser sat in the back seat on my own.

When we pulled up to my apartment block Charlotte opened the boot and handed me carrier bag after carrier bag, I'd wondered idly if she'd gone overboard, but then remembered that Alice had absolutely nothing to her name and I wasn't a girl so I had no idea what she needed anyway.

After giving my final thanks and goodbyes they drove away and I headed up the stairs. When I opened the door I found Alice sitting up flipping through TV channels.

"Hey." I greeted her as I dropped the bags on the edge of the sofa bed.

"What's all this?" She asked, with her head tilted adorably.

"I said I was gonna pick up a few things, well, I didn't really know exactly what you'd need. So Charlotte went shopping and got you a few things for me…" I explained, rubbing the back of my neck nervously. I'm pretty sure my face was bright red.

"Is Charlotte your girlfriend?" she asked quietly.

I tried not to laugh, I really did, but I couldn't help it.

"Nah, sweetie, she's not my girlfriend. She's my best friend's girlfriend." I admitted, still trying to keep a straight face.

_Wait, did I just call her sweetie? _

"Sorry." She mumbled, blushing.

I just smiled at her.

"Well, I'm gonna go get changed, I don't really know what's there all together, but it's all yours." I told her before heading into my room.

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><p><strong>What did you think of Peter's debut? Or Charlotte's? Or Maria's? What did you think of this little snippet into Jasper's everyday life? What was your favourite part? Least favourite part? What do you want to happen next? <strong>

**I know you guys said you wanted less Maria, and no matter how much I tried to write this chapter without her, she just kept creeping her way in. But, I think it's important that you understan****d just how much she's shaped Jasper, and that she was a **_**huge**_** part of his life. And despite everything, he is still, to a certain degree, in love with her.**


	7. Chapter 7

'_Just to find memories, plagued by constant misery. Their eyes cast down, fixed upon the ground. Their eyes cast down. I keep my eyes fixed on the sun.' – 'Shake me down.' – Cage The Elephant._

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I rifled through the various bags and was awed again by how generous Jasper was. The bags contained everything I could've thought of and some things I wouldn't have considered.

Even though Jasper had said his friend had done the shopping, that really didn't matter; I was touched that he'd even thought of doing something like this for me.

The bags were filled with clothes, hairbrushes, shampoos, conditioners, bubble baths, pyjamas, period pads, tampons, shaving razors, compact makeup kits, slippers and other various items.

Even though the majority of it was just necessities, I still couldn't believe anyone would've gone through the trouble of getting so much for me. And I was struck with this extreme feeling of inner warmth, a surge of previously supressed hope rose within me. Maybe, his getting all this stuff for me was an indicator that he was letting me stay with him. Maybe I would finally have a home, a home that I could actually call _home_.

Jasper came out of his room then, he was wearing a pair of faded jeans that hung low on his hips, he had a sweater in his arms and he lifted it over his head as he walked towards me, but before he pulled it on completely I managed to get a good look at his chiselled chest and treasure trail.

It had been a long time since I'd found anyone attractive, and I don't think I'd ever lusted after somebody before. But I'd have to be blind to think Jasper was anything less than hot.

He perched himself on the edge of the sofa-bed with me.

"How was your day?" He asked softly.

"Good, thank you, how about yours?" I asked, blushing slightly.

"It was good, with the exception of Maria." He muttered.

My eyebrows furrowed.

"Maria?" I asked.

His eyes snapped to mine, as if only just realising he'd said that out loud.

"Yeah, my ex-girlfriend…She's…well, she's an alcoholic…I was actually on my way back from her house when I found you…" He explained.

"Oh…" I murmured, I really didn't know what else to say…

"We broke up a while back, but I was supporting her with her struggle to stay sober…until last night." He admitted.

"I'm sorry…" I said softly, I didn't know what I could've said to make him feel better, and I didn't know what I was apologizing for, but the hurt I saw in his eyes made me want to hit this _Maria_. Her name sounded like a dirty word as I thought it.

"You're a good person Jasper…Some people just need more than any one person can give them." I reasoned.

He smiled softly at me. "Thanks, Alice."

I smiled wider. "No problem…"

There was a moment of silence before Jasper's eyes found mine. There was a strange flare in his irises. He looked almost, resolved…or determined…

"Alice, I won't pry and I know it's not my place to ask, but I am curious as to why and how you ended up in this situation…" He trailed off. And I could see in his face that he really wasn't going to push me on it. He would've dropped it if I wasn't comfortable.

And even though I really didn't want to talk about It, seeing that look on his face, and knowing that he would be there when I was ready, it gave me the strength I needed to tell my story, if only briefly.

I took a deep breath and hoped my voice wouldn't shake.

"Well, like I said, I'm 18…and I've been on the streets since my 17th birthday. My mother was killed when I was 15. She'd been on her way to pick me up from a friend's house when her car was hit by a lorry that had skid around a sharp bend. She'd died instantly. And ever since I lost her my step-father and step-brother had blamed me. They said that if I hadn't gone to my friend's, or if I'd just walked home, she'd still be here…" My voice cracked and a few tears escaped.

My hands trembled as I tried to brush them away.

Jasper took my hand in his.

"Alice, it's okay…you don't have to talk about it…" he soothed.

"…No…I need to…" I blubbered. Then I took another huge breath.

"They would blame me for everything bad that happened after that, I became their little house-keeper…and whenever they weren't satisfied, they'd abuse me…" I sobbed.

Jasper's arms were around me before I could register his movement. He rubbed a soothing hand over my back and shushed me until I had calmed enough to finish.

"…It was mostly just verbal and mental abuse…but I got the occasional beating…and then, on my 17th birthday…they tried to…rape me…and I ran, and I've never stopped…I kept a low profile, I hid…and I'd gotten pretty good at it…" I finished in a whisper.

"Alice…" Jasper murmured his lips in my hair. "I won't let anything like that happen to you ever again…"

"You can't promise me that…" I sobbed, unable to accept his vow, unable to let him break through my many defences. I couldn't trust him…I didn't know how.

"Yes, I can. I swear to you, as long as you want to stay with me, you'll be safe." He tried again.

I didn't want to argue with him, I just wanted to feel better.

"Thank you." I blubbered, feeling very much like a pathetic child.

"It's okay, you're okay now…everything's gonna be okay." He calmed me. And he held me a little longer until I'd run out of tears. When he pulled back he rubbed under my eyes with the pad of his thumb and gave me a weak smile.

The sound of the doorbell made us both jump.

"I'll be right back." He smiled at me before getting up and disappearing around the corner to get the door.

"Uncle Jazzy!" came a high-pitched squeal from the hallway.

"Hey, Jessie." Jasper chuckled, his voice full of affection for his niece.

"Jessie, you be good for your uncle Jasper, alright?" came a female voice, full of both adoration and authority, which I assumed belonged to Jasper's twin.

"She always is." Jasper assured.

"See mama, I told you." Jessie said, sounding rather proud of herself.

Jasper's sister chuckled. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow angel. Jazz, call me if there're any problems."

"Yes, Rose, I know. Have a good night." Jasper said.

"You too, bye." Rosalie said before I heard the door close.

"Uncle Jazzy, can we get pizza?" Jessie asked in that same high, adorable voice.

"I don't see why not." Jasper chuckled again.

"Yay!" She squealed before bouncing around the corner and stopping in her tracks when she caught sight of me.

"Uh…Jessie, this is my friend Alice…and Alice, I've told you about Jessie…" Jasper introduced us a little awkwardly.

"Hi, Alice." Jessie said. She seemed to shrink back into her shell and was clearly shy around strangers.

"Hey, Jessie." I greeted her, trying to make her feel more comfortable.

She was adorable, probably the most beautiful 4-year-old I'd ever seen.

She had dark hair, which I hadn't been expecting; she'd obviously gotten that from her father. She had Jasper's eyes though, bottomless, revealing and a gorgeous chestnut in colour. Her hair fell in perfect little ringlets around her shoulders and bounced when she walked. Her skin was fairly pale but she had adorable rosy cheeks, complimenting her beautiful dimpled smile.

"Jessie, why don't you get your pyjamas on and we'll watch a movie, okay?" Jasper asked her. And straight away she went back into the hall, I assumed to get her pyjamas that her mother had left for her and she went into Jasper's room to change, with no fuss.

"She's adorable…" I cooed.

Jasper chuckled and sat beside me.

"Yeah, she is, isn't she?...I completely forgot I was on baby-sitting duty tonight. Sorry, or I would've told you…I guess a lot has happened and it just slipped my mind." He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck in all his adorable nervousness. "I know it's not exactly the best timing. But, we can finish this conversation when she's in bed." He murmured.

"That's okay, I don't mind." I assured him, he shouldn't be worrying about me when his family needed him.

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><p><em><strong>Okay guys, what did you think of Jessie's debut? What did you think of Alice's past? What did you think of Jasper's reaction? What do you want to happen next?<strong>_


	8. Chapter 8

'_We've got the passion and the talent to make this real. But we're so fucking adaptable, controvertible, ducking and weaving from the truth.' – 'Quelle Surprise' – Enter Shikari._

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><p><em><strong>APOV.<strong>_

It was a whole new experience, watching Jasper with his niece; it was almost as if he had two sides to himself, but they were sides of the same whole. He was so patient with her, so practised. He knew exactly how to deal with everything and was never once bothered by my preying eyes. I watched him in awe, fascinated by how tender he was, always calm and always sure. It was obvious that one day he would make a great father, and he would enjoy it too. He just simply _got it_, he understood her more than I'd ever be able to comprehend.

I envied Jessie; I couldn't remember a time someone had cared for me the way Jasper cared for her. I wished that I'd had a father figure I was proud of, because that's what Jasper was to her, he was a second father figure, or an older brother, he was so much more than just her uncle.

It was obvious that she completely adored him. She looked up at him with this shine in her eye, he was her idol. And I could see on his face that he would never let her down.

Seeing Jasper like that, in his everyday life, with his niece; it just gave me further proof that he truly was a good person. He was genuine, he had a quiet courage, and he took difficulties in stride.

I didn't trust easily, but I'd always been rather perceptive, and being able to analyse Jasper this way, as he prepared his niece for bed, I could see that he really did want to help me, and that hurting me had never, and would never be his intention.

"Jessie, go brush your teeth, okay?" He asked her softly as she finished up her hot chocolate.

She nodded and happily hopped out of her seat and skipped toward the bathroom.

"I'll put her to bed when she comes back, then we can watch a film or something…" Jasper spoke to me, I met his gaze calmly.

I could see that he felt bad about leaving me on the side lines while he cared for his niece. I honestly didn't mind at all, it gave me a great opportunity to see the person that he was and collect my thoughts; it's really not something he should be worried about. His family should always come first. And though I could see Jasper felt bad about leaving me out, I also knew he wouldn't have it any other way, because his family were most important to him, which is how things were supposed to be.

I smiled at him in reassurance; he had no idea how much I would've given to have someone like him when I was younger; someone to simply _care_. Jasper had shown more interest in my well-being than anyone else had in far too long.

Small gestures spoke volumes to me, like the way that Jasper would smile softly or occasionally chuckle whenever Jessie mispronounced a word, or the way he would subconsciously smooth her hair down gently every now and then, the way she would instantly do as she was told showed just how much she admired Jasper, she never doubted his authority.

She chattered constantly and animatedly to Jasper, shooting glances at me every now and then before deciding she didn't care if I heard her or not, and then she'd carry on excitedly and Jasper would show interest in absolutely everything she said to him. She was nervous around me, which was understandable, but she trusted Jasper enough to know that I wouldn't be around her if I was going to hurt her.

Jessie skipped back out of the bathroom and straight into Jasper's awaiting arms, he swooped her up effortlessly and balanced her on his hip, holding them at eye-level with each other.

"You ready for bed?" Jasper asked.

"No." She contradicted herself completely by yawning immediately after her answer.

Jasper just chuckled and carried her into the bedroom. I smiled softly to myself as I heard them say their goodnights as Jasper tucked her in.

Moments later Jasper appeared in the entry way, he rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he gave a weak smile.

I smiled encouragingly at him as he walked over. He sat beside me on the sofa, his hands resting on his thighs as he looked at me warily.

"Sorry about that. When Jessie's over, I'm not Jasper; I'm just her uncle, y'know? I'm not used to having an audience." He apologised unnecessarily, but I'd assumed he would.

"You don't need to apologise for putting your family first, it was actually really nice for me to see." I assured him, smiling gently when he met my eye.

Things were always so formal between us, but that was understandable, we didn't really know each other on any kind of personal level yet, I was surprised we were even on first name basis.

"Listen…I never got the chance to tell you how much I appreciate you telling me your story…I know you don't trust me, and I understand that completely and it really does mean a lot that you'd share that with me…" He murmured.

"I trust that you have no intention of hurting me…but that's the best I can do for now…" I admitted.

He smiled softly. "Well, I think that's a step in the right direction…"

He sighed as his smile faded. "I think it's only right I tell you a little more about myself…" he informed me.

I didn't want to look so eager for information but I was still piecing him together, finding clues and my interest was for my own benefit. I wanted to know everything I could about him; I was living with him after all.

"Well, as you know I have a twin sister named Rosalie, a niece called Jessie and a future brother-in-law, Emmett. My momma's name's Esme, she an interior designer, and my dad's name's Carlisle, he's a doctor at the local hospital. My closest friends are Peter, and his girlfriend Charlotte. When I was growing up I was always quite popular, there wasn't a single person that I wasn't on good terms with. I started dated Maria when I was about 16, she had been a quiet girl, sweet in a way, but very easily led. She didn't have much will-power and was more inclined to believe what she shouldn't. I'm not sure why but I suppose I found it endearing. I didn't consider what problems it would cause. It got to the stage where I wasn't me anymore, I was _hers_. Her Jasper. I didn't do anything without her, and for a long time, I didn't see any issue with that. But I didn't realise she was dependant on me, and when she started getting drunk, I didn't see the problem there either. I was naïve, I was unprepared, and I was foolishly head-over-heels in love with her. And when I finally found it within myself to give her up, I didn't know who I was anymore…" He took an unsteady breath before his eyes found mine. "Pretty pathetic, huh?" He chuckled without humour.

He hung his head and I could see that he truly believed that's what he was, pathetic. I didn't think he was pathetic, I never could. He had some much compassion, so much strength. I could see how much his decisions had hurt him, but I could also see that he didn't regret them. I could see that a larger part of him was lost, and a portion of him was still very much in love with Maria, and he just didn't know where that left him…

"And the worst part? I know that if I went back in time, I'd do it _all_ again...without a second of hesitation…" he murmured.

"That's not pathetic Jasper…that's kinda beautiful…" I flushed as the words left my mouth.

He cracked a smile at that, for which I was glad and with a tired sigh he reached for the remote, and flipped the TV on.

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><p><em><strong>Totally shoulda updated forever ago. Totally had my first week of college this week. Totally apologize. <strong>_

_**And again, you need to realise how much of Jasper, Maria has a hold of. As the story progresses, Maria will lessen, as she loses her grip on Jasper's heart. I promise. But for now, she's deeply ingrained.**_

_**Review please! Thank you!**_


	9. Chapter 9

'And without ever letting go, I knew you'd gone astray. Stranded in this cold atmosphere. Waiting for the lifeless words to come from your mouth, enduring every sound.' - 'And I told them I invented times new roman.' – Dance Gavin Dance.

'Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.' – Robert Frost.

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

"Uncle Jazz! Wake up!" Jessie whined, patting my cheek repetitively as I blinked awake, trying to focus my bleary eyes on her.

"Okay, Okay! I'm up." I chuckled as she pouted at me and let her hand drop from its assault on my face.

I scrubbed at my eyes before sighing and rolling until my feet found the floor. I stretched my arms over my head and yawned. I usually slept in boxers but I wore some tattered old sweats and a wife-beater whenever Jessie was staying over.

I smiled at my niece as she climbed out of bed, her matching set of pink, sheep covered pyjamas looking much too big for her. She was always so adorable.

I led her into the kitchen and made her a quick breakfast, nothing too big, since we were going to my parents for a family dinner. We used to do that every Sunday but hadn't done it in far too long. I knew Mum missed having us all together, so she'd decided to start up our weekly dinners again.

I glanced over to see Alice still sleeping, snuggled deep into the pull-out bed. I frowned to myself, I didn't want to leave Alice while I went to my parents', but I didn't want to take her with me either.

I wanted to talk to my mum to get her opinion on our 'arrangement'; I was a bit of a momma's boy when it came to needing advice. I knew my mum would be honest with me. I also didn't want to introduce Alice to my entire family only to find she wasn't planning on staying with me much longer.

I intended to keep her away from Rosalie as much as possible. I loved my sister dearly, but she's ice cold when it comes to strangers and she'd probably assume I'd get fucked over again after what happened with Maria. I know she means well, and she wants to 'protect' me, but seriously, she can be a little more than harsh.

I brewed myself some coffee and took a seat beside Jessie, deciding I wouldn't wake Alice up, she needed her sleep.

A short while later, as I was washing the dishes from breakfast and Jessie was in the bedroom getting dressed; I heard the shifting of weight and the rustling of blankets and knew that Alice was waking up.

I looked over my shoulder to see her rubbing at her sleep-filled eyes.

"Good morning." I said cheerily.

She blinked her eyes a few times until they focused on me, and then she gave me a small smile.

"Do you want some coffee?" I offered.

"Yes, please." She nodded eagerly.

I heard her come into the kitchen as I started to boil the kettle. I turned to face her, and noticed she was wearing one of the shorts and tank matching sets Charlotte had bought her for nightwear.

Her hair was in ruffled disarray, certain parts of it flattened and stuck to her head from where she'd been lying on it. She yawned, her mouth forming an adorable little 'O'.

My eyes drank her in, from each strand of wild hair, down to her feet, where her toes were scrunched nervously as she stared at them. I smiled softly, she was much too thin to be healthy, but her body had a petite, feminine outline, I could see the ghost of where curves had once been, where they would return, now that she was eating properly. I knew that as soon as she was completely healthy again, she would be stunning, breath-taking.

The way that I looked her over made me see her as something more than just a helpless runaway, for the first time I saw her as a _woman._ I had always thought she could've been beautiful, with her striking features and big, bottomless eyes. When she smiled, her eyes sparkled, and it mesmerised me. She was far too gorgeous to be out on the streets all alone, there were some sick bastards out there that wouldn't think twice if they saw her, they'd hurt her; they'd ruin her without a hint of remorse.

I wanted to see her blossom; I wanted her to smile so brightly that it damn near blinded me. I want her to laugh heartily because she was free of worries. I wanted everything for her, everything and anything at all, if it's what she desired.

Obviously I cared about her well-being, that's why I'd offered her a place to stay, but even though I'd known her for barely 2 days, I actually cared about _her_, as a person. I wanted to discuss her thoughts, her feelings, her opinions, all of it; I wanted to know it all.

I wanted her to be able to talk to me, to _really_ talk to me, because it's what she wanted. I wanted her to trust me.

I handed her a steaming cup of coffee and she thanked me as she perched herself on the stool under the breakfast bar. I sat beside her, flipping absently through the morning paper. We didn't talk, but it was a companionable silence.

Jessie came running out then, stopping in her tracks when she saw Alice. I raised an eyebrow at Jessie, silently requesting that she not be rude. Alice turned to face her and I heard her gasp softly.

"Sorry, Jessie, am I in your seat, would you like me to move?" Alice asked gently, I was about to tell her that, that wasn't necessary but Jessie ignored her completely.

"Uncle Jazzy, we have to go!" she whined and I nodded mutely. Jessie pranced off to get her shoes.

I turned back to Alice to see her watching me.

"Are you taking her home now?" She asked me softly.

"Well, I'm going to have dinner with the family today; Jessie and I should really get going…" I trailed off, I felt rotten. Again torn between wanting Alice to come so she wasn't alone, and needing to go without her so I could discuss her with my mum. I sighed.

"Oh…" She breathed and then looked down into what was left of her coffee.

I frowned and rubbed my hand over my face, frustrated with myself.

"They don't know about you yet…I figured I'd talk to my mum today and then you should come next week." I decided. She looked up at me sharply, her eyes wide and searching.

"Really?" She whispered in shock.

"Of course." I replied, smiling in encouragement.

"I've already imposed enough Jasper, maybe it's best I just left…" she murmured. I could see that she didn't want to leave, but she thought it was what she should do, she thought she was a burden.

"Don't Alice," I pleaded; placing my hand over hers on the breakfast bar. "I don't want you to go…" I admitted. She blushed, her eyes fixed on our hands.

I stood up from my place beside her and began to get my things together. I quickly scrawled my phone number onto an old envelope and left it on the breakfast bar.

"Call me if there're any problems at all." I said to Alice as she placed her now empty coffee mug into the sink. She nodded, never meeting my eyes, and again I felt rotten.

"What time will you be back?" She asked softly, still avoiding eye-contact.

I scratched the back of my neck as I thought that over, counting hours in my head. "Uhm…I'd say about 3, is that okay?" I asked gently.

"Yeah, that's fine. Have fun." She said, finally looking at me. Her eyes held a strange glint, and her face was void of any expression.

"Thanks…" I murmured before being rather bold and placing a soft kiss to her cheek.

I wanted to assure her that she wasn't alone, that I truly only would be gone for a few short hours. I wanted her to be comforted by the fact that I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to depend on me. However ridiculous that may sound.

She blushed adorably and fixed her eyes on the floor. I smiled softly before Jessie called for my attention, reminding me that I really should have left by now.

"I'll see you later…" I murmured before heading out, Jessie's hand in my own.

It was a long, cold walk to my parents' house and I again cursed Maria for totalling my car. Jessie was huddled inside her padded winter coat and on numerous occasions she requested that I carry her for a little while because her legs were hurting. When we finally arrived at the family home I was exhausted, my parents lived just outside of the city, even though it wasn't a large distance between their house and my apartment in the suburbs the winter chill and the added weight of carrying Jessie made it a tedious journey.

"Nana!" Jessie screamed as my mother pulled the door open just as we were coming onto the porch.

Momma chuckled and swooped up my excited niece. I smiled warmly at her, and she returned it. She gave me a tight, one-armed hug and welcomed us out of the cold. I closed the door behind me before removing my coat and shoes.

I turned the corner into the family room to find Emmett in the arm-chair, absently flipping through TV channels. Rosalie was perched on the arm of his chair talking to my father, who was sat on the sofa opposite them. Jessie ran in and straight into her mother's arms.

"Hey baby, you have fun with uncle Jazz?" Rose asked softly as she absent-mindedly ran her fingers through Jessie's curls.

Jessie nodded enthusiastically before climbing into her father's lap, Emmett's attention left the TV completely as he began tickling Jessie, her squeals and giggles filled the room, they echoed off the walls and made us all smile.

I glanced around the room quickly, noticing my mother was absent; I assumed she'd be preparing dinner, which gave me the perfect opportunity to talk with her.

I stood in the kitchen entryway, watching my mother as she busied herself with various pots and pans.

"Hey momma. Can I talk to you about something?" I asked hesitantly, I knew she wouldn't mind, I discussed things with her often, but I didn't want to interrupt her when she had so much to do.

"Sure, baby boy, you know that. Just give me a minute to get this sorted…" She turned to beam at me over her shoulder before turning back to the cooker and fiddling with a few dials before she pulled out a chair at the table and indicated that I should sit opposite her.

"So, what's eatin' ya?" She asked me, smiling in encouragement.

"Well, on Friday night, I was on my way home from Maria's…" I trailed off when she tutted at me.

"Sorry Ma, but she was a big part of my life, and she needed me…" I cut myself off because I knew it was an argument I wouldn't win, and I wasn't here to talk about Maria.

"Well, anyway, as I was walking, I took a short cut through a side-street and found a girl…She's a couple of years younger than I am, she was shivering and terrified, her shirt was ripped and she was freezing and filthy…" I took a deep breath studying my mother's face that was currently filled with pity and sympathy for the poor girl I'd found…I was wary of her reaction to my next statement. "So, I took her home with me…"

Momma's eyes widened slightly but nothing else in her face seemed to change, her eyes still held that sadness, sadness for Alice, pity and concern for the girl she didn't know, but Momma was always like that, caring. She'd cared for Maria like her own child, but my Momma had given up on her way before I had, because Maria had thrown everything back into Momma's face, betrayed her, stole from her, and broke my momma's heart.

I had been expecting Ma to be mad at me, or at least worried about the consequences of my decision. But she seemed almost…proud?

"What's her name?" she asked softly after a moment.

"Alice." I answered at once, a small smile gracing my face.

"Where is she now?" she continued to question.

"At the apartment…" I shrugged.

"She's been with you since Friday?" I nodded and she continued. "Baby boy, you should realise what you've done has been very stupid, you don't know her, you had no idea what she would do, but I'm so proud of you, for taking a risk to help somebody like that, without any difficulties on your end. And I can see by that light in your eye you're really glad you did it, so I'm assuming she's a lovely young girl." She smiled gently at me, and reached over to hold my hand in both of hers, where they rested on the table-top.

"I think she is Momma. And I couldn't just leave her there…" I trailed off.

"Of course you couldn't, baby." Momma agreed at once.

"So, you don't think…it was…a mistake?" I checked.

"It very well could be, but I'll tell you something, if you'd left her all alone, you would have regretted it for the rest of your life. One good turn deserves another, and maybe, just maybe, she'll surprise you…" she winked at me then, Momma always gave the best advice, Yeah, I was a momma's boy, but with a mother like mine, how could I not be?

"Momma…I have to ask…why react like this to Alice; and act the complete opposite when it comes to Maria?" I glanced down when I heard her sigh heavily.

"Because baby, Maria doesn't need or deserve your help. She got herself into it; she should get herself out of it. The only reason she wants your help is because she wants _you_. And I'll be damned if I let her bring you down…" She murmured. "Come on, chin up, dinner's near enough ready." She said lightly, gave me a reassuring smile and shooed me into the front room to retrieve the family.

I knew she was right about Maria, damn; Momma was right about just about everything. But it hurt to realise the truth; Maria wanted me, so she refused to even try and get better, it was all attention-seeking. She calls up crying, and at the snap of her fingers I come running, because I'm convinced she needs me, she doesn't, she's selfish, she thinks that making a mess of herself and holding me at arm's length is her only way to keep me, and so far, she's been dead right.

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><p><em><strong>Okay guys, I think I might only post on weekends, because college is <span>killing<span> me, I haven't quite got into the rhythm of it yet, so until then I hope you don't mind waiting for chapters. I hope you enjoyed this once and I hope it gave you an insight into Jasper's family life. **_

_**Any questions at all don't be afraid to mail me, I'd be happy to help, but sorry to say I will not be responding to reviews. Thank you. **_


	10. Chapter 10

'_If your sky is falling, just take my hand and hold it. You don't have to be alone.' – 'I won't let you go' – James Morrison._

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I got dressed into the some of the clothes Jasper's friend had bought me; they were simple, casual but stylish and were rather flattering without being too feminine or revealing. I could tell, even from these impersonal choices, that she was stylish. I used to love shopping with my mother when I was younger. I missed her so much. I missed being carefree, I missed being a normal teenage girl who worried about trivial things like hair styles, clothing items and cute boys. I'd taken it all for granted, and maybe this was my punishment for that foolishness.

I felt tears prick my eyes, like they always did when I recalled times with my mother, back when my life had been perfect. Everything worth having had been ripped away from me, and it hurt, it hurt so much it was like a physical ache inside me. But at the same time, I felt empty.

Jasper had said that he'd be gone a few hours, and that was fine by me, I understood that he had his day to day life and routine to attend to. Just because he'd put a roof over my head that didn't mean his life couldn't go on as normal, I didn't want to interfere. It was oddly like having a roommate, we were polite and friendly to one another and made easy conversation, but we did our own things, and didn't consider each other friends, as such. We spent our evenings watching TV and chatting about any trivial thing that came to mind, sometimes we laughed, but for the most part we remained in a heavy silence. The tension was thick, the curiosity flared within us both, but neither one of us wanted to address it, though we acknowledged its presence. We'd provided each other with a few answers to enable us to construct visions of the other, but that didn't mean we _knew_ each other, and it didn't make us_ friends_.

Though I was immensely grateful to Jasper for all that he'd done, I didn't belong with him, in his home. There were times when I wanted to run screaming out of the door, there were times when I wanted the ground to swallow me whole, there were times when I wanted to cry until I drowned it my tears, but the most confusing of all, there were times when I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything was going to be alright.

When Jasper had hugged me whilst I cried, I could _feel_ that he cared. I hadn't been hugged it what felt like an eternity and I'd forgotten how one little hug can make everything seem better. Such a small gesture would have meant nothing to someone like Jasper, who had family and friends and colleagues who he would make casual physical contact with on a daily basis. But when he'd hugged me, it had been the first time in years anyone had touched me without causing fear to flare up within me.

I longed for another sign of reassurance, of comfort. I wanted to belong somewhere, I wanted to deserve someone's care…but, I didn't.

I was nothing but a burden. I had been selfish enough to take advantage of his protective nature and had invaded his home. But, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that leaving was the right thing to do, I couldn't make myself move toward the door, because that look in Jasper's eyes when he'd asked me to stay, had shaken my resolve. He wanted to help me, and I knew that if I just up and left, it would hurt him. And after all he'd done for me, if I hurt him, I would regret it forever.

I sighed as I fell back onto the pull-out bed, I snuggled into the duvet automatically, I couldn't help it; it was so comfortable. I wondered idly how long it would take me to grow accustomed to the fact that I now had a warm, cosy place to sleep at night.

I stared up at the off-white ceiling, small cracks and chips in the paint littered its surface, I glanced around the room, taking in my surroundings. I supposed that many people would think this little place was nothing extraordinary, average at best. But, to me, it was a palace. It was a safe haven and I would forever be thankful for it.

I looked briefly toward the canvas in the corner, from the brief glimpse of his artwork that I'd managed to see, I knew that Jasper was a magnificent artist. He had so much talent, and the raw emotion that screamed from the piece only re-enforced what I'd already learnt. Jasper was a good man, with good morals, and deserved happiness.

Even though I was unable to trust him, I wasn't blind to the fact that he was a saviour, a light in darkness. He'd reached out and helped me without gaining anything, without any kind of blanket assurance that I was safe to be around. For all he knew, I could've been a psychopath, but yet he had helped me anyway. That fact baffled me to know end, and I knew that if an opportunity should arise I would have to ask him why he'd trusted me enough, automatically, to bring me to his home.

Not only had he brought me home with him, but he'd asked his friend to purchase living essentials for me, he'd provided for me and then introduced me to his niece, his pride and joy. And then he'd implied I should go with him to attend a family meal. And I wanted to know why. Why had he felt that I was stable enough to live with him? How had he trusted me with all that?

I must have dozed off as my thoughts raged within me because the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes, thick with sleep as I heard the clinking of the door unlocking.

I turned my head and sat up slightly, just in time to see Jasper as he came out of the hallway. He smiled at me softly before plonking himself on the opposite sofa. He slumped down into it, getting comfortable, completely at ease.

I took a deep breath; I knew I'd never get any peace from the chaos that was my mind until I had the answer to this vital question.

"Jasper, can I ask you something?" I hedged, looking down at my hands as I fiddled with my fingers in my lap.

"Sure…" he said, his voice sounded relatively cheery but there was a hesitance in that one word.

"I was just wondering, why exactly, or more specifically, how, you knew you could trust me with your home, I mean how did you know I wasn't dangerous? What convinced you that I needed help?" I rushed to get the words out, babbling slightly as Jasper's brow furrowed.

"Well…to be perfectly honest with you…it was your eyes…When I looked into your eyes, _really _looked, I could see this vulnerability, this fear… but at the same time, I saw this odd acceptance, as if you'd become accustomed to situations like that, or at the very least you expected them…it worried me that anyone had to have gone through that…and the fact that you thought that _**I **_would hurt you…it was incomprehensible to me…and there was no way I could leave you there…" he trailed off, his murmuring had been quiet, almost thoughtful…but I knew he was telling me nothing but the truth.

That was it, I had gotten my answer; Jasper had read me like an open book. And in his accurate dissecting of the situation he'd been able to tell that I had feared that _he'd_ hurt me…which meant I'd had no intention on initially harming him…

I sighed softly before I flopped back onto the bed.

"How was your day?" Jasper asked conversationally.

"I slept." I shrugged, raising my head to look at him. "How about yours? How was dinner?"

He gave a small lopsided smile; it was actually kinda adorable, if I was being honest with myself.

"I talked to momma, she understands the situation and I'd really like you to join me when I go see my family next week…" he said, the request obvious in his words.

Jasper hadn't actually asked me to go with him; he'd just told me he'd like me to. I assumed that he didn't want me to feel pressured, that thought made me smile.

"Why not…if you're sure you're not embarrassed by me." I said my eyes down-cast.

"Of course not." Jasper replied immediately.

It was nice of Jasper to want me to meet his family, Jasper had been so sympathetic and caring when I'd shared my story, and maybe Jasper thought I would benefit from a welcoming, family atmosphere. I'd missed home-cooked meals and light-hearted family banter. With those thoughts in mind I was actually looking forward to meeting Jasper's family, I just hoped that they'd like me.

I knew that Jasper had been betrayed and heart-broken in the past so it was understandable for his family to be cautious of anyone knew in his life, no matter the circumstances or their title. I knew that it was likely they'd see me as a potential threat, regardless of the feelings or lack thereof me and Jasper felt for each other. I just hoped I'd be able to show them that I had no intention on hurting Jasper in any way, I'd never take advantage of him on any level and I truly was beyond grateful for everything he'd done.

"You think they'll like me?" I asked gently.

Jasper chuckled "Yeah, of course they will. You might wanna avoid Rosalie as much as possible, she's stubborn and cold towards 'outsiders', she's also really protective of me and she's convinced I'm gonna get 'fucked over' again." He even used the air quotations as he rolled his eyes.

"Jessie takes a while to warm up to people, she gets that from her mother, but once she gets used to you, she'll love you forever, she's really social and will talk to anybody, once she's familiar with them, she's like her dad in that sense." He explained, a dopey smile crossed his face and I smiled warmly at his obvious affection for his niece.

"What about your parents?" I asked him, mostly because I wanted to keep him talking; he was so animated when discussing his family, so open, alive.

I missed having a stable family, having that sense of belonging, hearing Jasper talk about his brought back the good times, even though having the past dragged up would hurt later on, I was content for the moment, listening to Jasper's happiness.

"My momma's gonna love you, she loved Maria too, until she did what she did." Jasper's face darkened when he mentioned his ex, and I wondered idly why exactly he was comparing me to her, but I shrugged it off.

"My dad's a very compassionate man, he loves his work, 'cause his work means he gets to save lives, he's a doctor, I don't know if I mentioned that or not. Well, anyway, he's always polite and when you first meet him he seems to have this almost professional approach to people, but like Jessie, once the introductions are out of the way and he's settled in, he's really easy to talk to, super smart, knows everything about everything, my dad." Jasper explained fondly.

It was sweet watching him babble about his parents; I could almost see the cogs turning in his head as he jumped from one train of thought to another. He blushed profusely and looked down.

"Sorry, got a little carried away…" he apologized unnecessarily.

I giggled slightly. "Don't worry Jasper, it's nice to see you so comfortable, we've been kinda tense around each other, which is understandable I know…but I was kinda hoping to dissolve some of that…" I murmured, my cheeks tinting pink.

He just gave me that little side-ways smirk of his and I knew that he wanted to get past this awkward phase too…

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><p><em><strong>Review Please!<strong>_


	11. Chapter 11

'_You shout it out, but I can't hear a word you say. I'm talking loud, not saying much. I'm criticised, but all your bullets ricochet. You shoot me down, but I get up.' – 'Titanium' – David Guetta featuring Sia._

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

A lot of the tension that had been suffocating me had dispersed after my talk with Alice, knowing that she wanted what I wanted, for us to be comfortable with each other, made the atmosphere a lot calmer, a lot more bearable.

I was just clearing up the dishes and resetting a table for new customers when my phone rang. I looked toward Peter and indicated toward the staff exit, silently requesting he cover me while I take the call.

On his nod, I left the building. I thought it might be Alice because everybody else knew not to call me at work, and automatically feared the worst, but my caller I.D informed me that it was Rosalie.

"Hello?" I answered; confused as to why Rosalie would call me, she knew I was working. Couldn't this have waited?

"I can't believe you!" she shrieked. I nearly dropped my phone as I jumped in surprise at her reply, not even a 'hello'.

"…what?..." I asked blankly.

"You brought a girl home when you were caring for my daughter?" she thundered and I sighed, of course it was inevitable for Jessie to mention Alice.

"Don't make it sound so scandalous, it was nothing like you're implying." I tried to explain.

"Did you, or did you not, have a strange woman staying at your apartment, with my daughter?" she inquired, her voice steely, with a frightfully dangerous edge.

"Yes, but it's not what you're thinking." I stated calmly. "I'm giving her a place to stay for the time being, she slept on the sofa and Jessie was with me. Nothing more, nothing less."

She scoffed down the phone and I found myself getting rather irritated with her. How dare she assume I'd _ever_ intend on having sex when babysitting Jessie. How dare she imply that I would disrespect her, Jessie or_ Alice_ like that?

"Rosalie, you're my god damn sister, you _know_ I wouldn't do that!" I snapped.

She sighed, her frustration was apparent. "Fine, I'm gonna trust you on that, Jazz. But, I'm not happy about this. You're setting yourself for a fall, and I'm _soooo_ not helping you get back up."

"Thanks…" I muttered dryly before I hung up and headed inside.

The weeks that followed were pretty uneventful, Alice attended family dinners with me, which were now being held every other Sunday. Rosalie hadn't uttered a word to her at all, but was refraining from being a bitch after Momma had spoken to her about it. Momma adored her obviously, and made her feel right at home, and Alice liked momma, because momma hadn't pitied her, she'd simply accepted her. I still went to and enjoyed work. Alice liked doing things around the apartment, her cooking skills were basic but she enjoyed preparing meals and so I'd bought her some cooking books, it also gave her a beneficial hobby and it occupied the alone time she still had to endure. Jessie had warmed up to Alice considerably and even asked Alice to read her a bedtime story. I'd finally introduced Alice to Peter and Charlotte when they'd come over to watch some movies. Charlotte suggested they have a shopping trip, which they had yet to go on. But, the part that surprised me the most about my first few weeks with Alice in my life…I was now able to go days at a time without thinking, for one second, about Maria.

Whenever she did cross my mind, I felt guilty for not thinking of her more often. I worried that she was unwell. But, I also worried that I'd forget about her; I didn't want to _forget_ about her. Because to forget would be to not acknowledge anything that she'd done, and disrespect all of our memories, all the things we'd experienced together. I didn't want to ever forget the woman she'd once been. But I knew, that because of all the things she'd put me through, I'd become stronger. I owed her for the person I was.

Alice smiled a lot more easily and she had this aura about her, this light-hearted nature that I hadn't seen. The wariness, the fear, the uncertainty, it had all left her eyes, revealing this shine, the optimism was contagious. She practically glided around the place. She was looking a lot healthier, more colour in her cheeks, there was a spring in her step and she was filling out, her curves becoming divined and she looked a lot stronger. She no longer seemed frail.

Alice and I had fallen into a comfortable routine, we were friends now, we had regular conversation, we were both more open, and we actually enjoyed each other's company. I didn't know whether she actually trusted me, but that didn't matter because we were getting there. I didn't exactly know where 'there' was, but I just knew things were getting better.

"Jazz?" she called, breaking me from my thoughts. She'd picked up my nickname from my family; it always made me smile when she used it.

"Yeah?" I called back.

"Charlotte was talking about going to see a movie with her and Peter, I told her I'd mention it to you…" she explained. I smiled again, Charlotte always stopped by to keep Alice company for a while whenever she wasn't working.

"Well, did you wanna go?" I asked gently, I thought it would be a good idea for Alice to get out of the apartment, and I assumed it had been a while since she'd actually had a night out, to just relax and enjoy herself. Seeing a movie was a good choice, nothing too over the top, it was comfortable, something everybody enjoys. But, I still didn't want to pressure her if it's not what she wanted.

"Uhm, I think it would be fun…I really like Charlotte, but, I don't think it's fair you to spend money on me unnecessarily." She murmured, her eyes never meeting mine as she moved to sit opposite me.

"If you want to go, we'll go. I think a night out will do us both some good." I encouraged.

She smiled softly and finally made eye-contact, I could see appreciation shining in her beautiful green irises, but her happiness was all I wanted. If it made her happy, that was payment enough for me.

In the time we'd spent together, I'd learnt that Alice was patient, determined, consistent, independent, funny, sweet, caring, and appreciative. It turned out, the more I found out, the more I liked. I would conquer the world, to see her smile.

I'd always known that I'd wanted her to be happy, I'd always expressed an interest in her desires and had always cared about her well-being, but I was beginning to think that it went beyond that. And that thought fucking _terrified_ me.

I couldn't explain it to myself, I took an interest in everything and anything she did or said, and that alone wasn't anything strange but the fact was, I took_ MORE_ of an interest with trivial things in Alice's life, than I did with _anybody_ else, regardless of how important it might be.

I kept telling myself that I felt responsible for her life somehow, that by giving her a fresh start I had to assure that she'd be better off. But, that was complete bullshit, it was an excuse I'd come up with to put my chaotic thoughts at peace. I kept telling myself that so I wouldn't have to face the fact that I cared too much.

I couldn't afford to care so much, especially for somebody who didn't even trust me. Maybe Rosalie had been right, and I _was_ just setting myself up for a fall. I mean, after Maria, well, it wouldn't surprise me. She'd been my _everything_, and that had come to a _train-wreck_ ending.

"I'd really like to go…" Alice spoke softly, and I experienced a moment of confusion before realising that I'd spaced out during a conversation.

I blushed and looked down before clearing my throat.

"Then, we'll go." I vowed and she smiled at me. She smiled so fucking bright that I thought I might go blind. Even the sparkles in her eyes were more apparent. And I blushed again, smiling to myself, satisfied with the fact I'd made her happy.

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><p><em><strong>Review! Review, review, review! <strong>_


	12. Chapter 12

_''...Look, I was p__erfectly happy killing myself, alright? B__ut then you asked me to try…And for the first time in my life it felt like someone actually gave a shit. And that person was worth trying for. And now I'd…I'd fucking make the world record biggest sandwich if you asked me to. I'd kick old grannies in the tits. I'd fill the rivers with Panda Pops. I fucked up big time. I'm more than sorry. I love you. You're my whole world.''__ – 'Skins'_

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

Jasper and I had really bonded over the course of my stay, it was gradual, we were taking baby steps and we were changing ourselves in the process. I didn't completely trust him, but it was getting easier and easier to be myself with every passing day. His home felt like my home and I was happier than I'd been in longer than I cared to remember.

I loved Jasper's mother, Esme reminded me so much of my own mother that I very nearly sobbed the first time I met her. She welcomed me without pity, conversed with me without obligation and it was easy for me to see where Jasper's caring nature originated from, it just gave me further proof that Jasper's intentions were genuine.

I adored Charlotte; she made me feel like a normal girl, with a real friend. We gossiped, she brought me weekly fashion magazines, we watched movies, she would show me some of her latest photographs. Charlotte was a photographer that worked for a local travel agent's, often taking photos of the city and it's attractions for advertisement purposes.

The way that Charlotte could take something like a skyscraper, or a subway station, and make it look almost haunting, a little dark, mysterious with an indescribable lure, it baffled me, it drew me in. The way she could take a dying tree, or a water feature and make it come alive with beauty, light, and magic, it enchanted me, I always found myself trailing my hands over her print-outs, wanting to be in the scenes her lens created.

Charlotte had proven to me that photography was indeed an art in itself and she loved her work, she was ambitious and passionate and a beautiful person inside and out. I couldn't help but think that what I saw in her prints was what she saw when she looked at the world. Her work was believable, and I could tell that her employers would be more than satisfied with anything she presented to them.

She treated me like we were old friends, and she always had this aura of enthusiasm about her, it was infectious. She lit up the room when she walked in, and anybody would be lucky to have her as a part of their life.

She'd told me about how she met Peter and Jasper, on that day she'd ducked into their workplace. It was just little over a year prior to her meeting me and she'd moved to New York city to study photography and she thrived in her course, but when she was offered the job to photograph for tourism, she didn't feel she needed to pursue her classes further, she wanted to stay with Peter and shed a little light on even the darkest parts of the city that she'd always seen as beautiful.

When it had started to rain that day, her only thought had been to find shelter, not caring where as long as her equipment was out of the wet.

She'd laughed when she'd told me how Jasper and Peter had flipped a coin on who would be her server, both of them bored to tears after an unusually quiet morning. She'd smiled widely, adoration shining in her eyes as she explained how charming Peter had been, and just like with her photographs, I could tell that Charlotte saw something in Peter that I didn't think I'd ever understand.

But, I wished I could see things the way Charlotte did, she didn't ignore faults, she didn't bypass imperfections, but she acknowledged them, she factored them in and counted them as nothing more than a piece of her subject. She accepted, completely, wholly, and found beauty.

I'd only met Peter a handful of times, they were brief encounters and we didn't tend to converse much, I could tell he was wary of me, but he was Jasper's best friend, the brother he'd never had, I understood he was just looking out for Jasper, and not ready to trust me.

But Peter was always pleasant with me, never once shunning me or showing any distaste, he was just a little hesitant, but that was completely fine by me. He mostly just talked to Charlotte anyway.

Jasper seemed overjoyed that I was getting along with his friends and family and I knew that he'd feared I might've been a little socially deprived or socially awkward after what had happened to me. Jasper was supportive in everything I did, large or small. He was a helping hand through everything and I really did owe a lot to him, more than I could ever repay him for.

I did find Jasper attractive, any straight female that laid eyes on him would. But aside from his obvious physically attractive aspects I also found more of him that I liked, more of him that I was drawn to. He was funny, easily embarrassed, open minded, he wore his heart on his sleeve, he knew when enough was enough, he always gave the benefit of the doubt, he was patient, he was dedicated, passionate, sociable…the list went on and I found myself thinking about him a lot, sometimes unexpectedly. As I flipped through magazines with Charlotte, or as I watched soap operas while preparing dinner, every man that was presented to me, I compared them to Jasper. I once even found myself listing the qualities that the other man didn't have, and the reasons why he could never be Jasper.

The first couple of times I'd shrugged it off, thinking that it was just my mind getting ahead of itself because he'd shown me affection, but these thoughts began to escalate in frequency and it was more than a little unnerving to discover they occurred nearly daily and I didn't even try and stop them, I hardly acknowledged a reason why I should stop at all.

It was foolish of me really, to let myself think like that, to open myself up enough to be destroyed, when I wasn't in any form of position to pursue anything, whether I wanted to or not.

I didn't know exactly what I wanted; I didn't know how I would deal with it, but I did know that these thoughts would do me no good, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to want to stop them. Because it felt nice, to imagine more than I was willing to step toward, my fantasies might have been inappropriate and confusing, but I liked them. And that only baffled me more.

Jasper smiled brightly at me as he came in and caught eye of me preparing food, I smiled back softly before turning back to my task to hide the flush in my cheeks. I never wear my heart on my sleeve, never. But, with Jasper, I couldn't seem to help myself.

Life would never be simple for me, I'd accepted that. But, with Jasper in my life, it was easier, but it was even less simple, for whole new reasons.

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><p><em>So, Review! Thought I'd included a little more Charlotte, she needs love too! And here's Alice's overview of the first few weeks with Jasper and the developments that she's made. What'd you think? Too much? Too little? Too fast, too slow? More of any particular character? Less of any character? Let me know!<em>


	13. Chapter 13

'All is lost; hope remains and this war's not over. There's a light, there's a sun, taking all shattered ones to the place we belong and his love will conquer all.' – 'Shattered' – Trading yesterday.

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

Alice was oozing with excitement over going to the cinema with Peter and Charlotte, and I smiled when I saw the light that danced in her eyes. She busied herself by doing her hair and makeup, graciously requesting she used the mirror in my bedroom because it was bigger than the one in the bathroom.

I sat flipping through TV channels, ready well before she was ever likely to be. I didn't understand why she felt she needed the makeup. I certainly didn't see why it would be necessary. Alice was beautiful. I blinked a few times as I realised I was again thinking of Alice in ways I didn't quite expect, though it had been happening so frequently I ought to have been expecting it.

There was a knock at the door that announced Peter and Charlotte's arrival which broke me free of my chaotic state of mind. After letting them in, I jogged over to my bedroom, knocking lightly on the door.

"Alice? You done? Peter and Charlotte are here." I called.

"Give me a minute." She called back, and so I respectively left her alone and went to speak to Peter.

Charlotte greeted Alice, alerting me to her arrival and when I turn to see her, my mouth hung slack. She was dressed in a pair of dark skinny jeans with some simple black mary-janes and an elegant, classy but still fairly casual top with a low neck-line that plunged down her chest in a 'V' with thin straps and flowing chiffon that came to mid-thigh. It was cranberry in colour and set off her skin, making it almost glow, and her dark, short and untameable hair gave her an edgy sexiness.

I'd always found her attractive, but I'd never had such an instant, automatic reaction to her before that moment, Jasper junior jumped to attention and I silently thanked the lords I was wearing my trusty jeans, which made my problem more or less unnoticeable from where she was standing.

I was deeply confused about my reaction to Alice's attire, I hadn't considered any form of sexual relationship with her, but now that I thought about it, I wanted it. I wanted _her_ so much I swear she would be the death of me. It was inappropriate of me to think of her in such a way, yet I couldn't seem to help it.

Peter elbowed me, pulling me from my trance and I shifted my attention to him in time to see him smirk.

"You owe me, you were half a second away from drooling." He stated smugly. I scowled.

Luckily Alice and Charlotte were chatting away happily and neither of them noticed our exchange.

The drive to the cinema was a little awkward, well, for me anyway. Peter was driving one-handed, his other hand locked with Charlotte's. And Charlotte had turned slightly in her seat to talk to Alice who was sat behind Peter, leaving me in the corner, staring forward like an anti-social weirdo. A few times I caught myself glancing at Alice as she happily conversed, her carefree aura was like a beacon, showing me the way home. I'd said from the beginning that I wanted her to be happy, however she could be.

Now, I realised how wrong I was, I wanted her to be happy because of me, for her to be happy _with_ me. In some bizarre twist of fate she'd ended up in my life and due to the series of unfortunate events that both of our lives had turned out to be, we'd ended up together. But we weren't_ together_. And the infinitesimal difference between being together and being _together_ was killing me.

Because I wanted it all; I wanted _her_, always. And the truth that rang in every syllable of that one sentence was so terrifying that I honestly didn't know if I would ever pick up the courage to take a step.

This was like a dangerous game of emotional chicken, and I had the most unbearable urge to just _swerve_, the only thing holding me in place was my ever weakening will.

I caught sight of Peter eyeing me curiously in the rear-view mirror, and Alice was completely oblivious to the turmoil I was experiencing and the frightening epiphany and shattering of every single emotion and thought I'd had since her arrival. She just smiled and nodded enthusiastically at whatever Charlotte was twittering about and I sat there, dumfounded with the knowledge that I wanted too much from her, so much more than I had the right to ask for.

When we arrived at the cinema we made the decision to see one of the latest horror movies, well, I nodded my consent, honestly not caring one bit. Alice took a seat between me and Charlotte, with Peter sitting on Charlotte's other side.

As the suspenseful music signalled the opening credits to start, I sat back and tried for the life of me to concentrate on the screen. But every time something unexpected would occur on screen I would see Alice jump in fright in my peripheral vision. She gasped and squeezed her eyes shut but she didn't scream like I'd expected her to. I found watching her to be far more interesting than the movie itself. I kept tabs on her through the corner of my eye, trying not to be obvious in my observation.

I looked over and noticed Charlotte curled up against Peter's side as she buried her face in his shirt and I saw Alice's fingers twisting and untwisting in her lap as they trembled slightly. I could tell she was frightened and without thinking I took one of her hands in one of my own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I half expected her to pull away, and I wouldn't have stopped her, I just wanted to comfort her somehow.

However, she didn't pull away; she shifted closer and squeezed my hand back. I smiled slightly to myself and turned back to the screen. My thoughts had finally simmered down allowing me to actually process what I was seeing.

When the lights came back on and the credits started rolling Alice and I automatically pulled apart and Peter kept his arm around Charlotte's shoulders as we made our way out.

Peter kept shooting me calculated looks but didn't actually say anything as I dragged my feet with my hands in my pocket on the way back to the car. I looked over at Alice every so often; something I knew hadn't escaped Peter's notice. Alice was walking beside me, less than a foot of distance between us.

After a while I noticed that she had her arms wrapped around herself, and made the assumption that she was cold, so I wordlessly handed her my jacket which she gratefully put on, while mumbling a small thanks and blushing.

Then I got more than just a stare from Peter, he arched an eyebrow at me and shook his head slightly when I shot him a glare. The ride home was even more awkward than the ride there. Charlotte was too tired to keep up much conversation and there seemed to be an indistinctive charge in the air between Alice and I.

We didn't look at each other for the entire journey but I felt her beside me, I sensed her presence, it was eerie to say the least, but it was confusing because it was just so unexpected. It was almost like a warning that things were changing for us, but nobody in the world quite knew how.

When we arrived home, we said our goodbyes to Peter and Charlotte before waving them off and heading up to the apartment.

The second the door was closed Alice turned to me, a small smile on her lips.

"Thanks, Jasper, I really enjoyed myself." she murmured, a blush colouring her.

I leant down to kiss her cheek; she usually kissed my cheek in a sign of thank you, so I didn't think she'd mind. But the very second I leant forward she unknowingly turned her face.

Our lips made contact for nothing more than a split second but they tingled. And unexplainable warmth shot from my scalp to my toes and I pulled back, stunned by the sensation.

We stood staring at each other, both speechless from our coincidental, accidental almost-kiss. I raised my fingertips to my lips, brushing them softly unable to determine why they still held the ghost of her own, and the memory of when her lips had caressed them.

Did we just…._spark_?

But before I could form a sentence Alice's eyes were on the floor.

"Sorry." She mumbled, embarrassed before leaving me stood in the hallway alone, confused, and aching to feel that warmth again.

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><p><em>So, what'd you think? And seriously guys, I had <em>_**1**__ review on my last chapter, __**1**__! Why am I even writing this?_


	14. Chapter 14

I would like to give a huge acknowledgement to the band 'Dance Gavin Dance.' They were the band that actually gave me the plot lines and inspiration for the majority of my early writing. Just as Stephenie Meyer has the band Muse, I have Dance Gavin Dance.

After nursing a hangover with a cup of tea, I began listening to DGD again, and I thank them greatly for this update…

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><p>'<em>Step aside and watch the lie, this is all justified.' – 'It's safe to say you dig the back seat.' – Dance Gavin Dance.<em>

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

That had been unexpected…

When Jasper's lips had grazed mine for less than a moment, for such a short time I couldn't even gasp, I felt a heat rise within me, and it wasn't the flush of embarrassment.

I wanted his comfort; I wanted him to kiss me senseless and whisper sweet nothings in my ear until I drowned in his voice and believed in all his murmurings, whether they were truth or lie…

He swiftly pulled back, our eyes locking. I studied his features, but his face held nothing but disbelief, he was stunned at the situation. But from the flickering in his eyes I could tell he was analysing me too, and I haven't the foggiest what he saw.

Time seemed to freeze, neither of us dared to move, the only sound was our breathing as we both tried to figure out what the other was thinking.

Though the world seemed to have stopped around us, my heart was beating rapidly in my chest and I was thinking a million and one things at once.

But, the situation downright terrified me. I depended on no one, I trusted no one, and I needed no one. My existence was alone, my life was hiding and I did what I had to. And until Jasper found me, I'd had no way of changing it. Old habits die hard and what I'd taught myself was what I would live by.

I changed that day that I ran away; I became a new person, a different person. Run, hide, forget, and live, alone. That was all I knew. I didn't know who I was supposed to be, I didn't know who I was…I just knew that the person I had once been, I was no longer.

The fact that I wanted to stay with Jasper at all was _absurd_, and the fact that I felt _safe_? That was complete insanity.

But…to care about him?...to actually wish him happiness because I cared that his life was full?...to trust him?...to blush and giggle in his presence?

That wasn't me.

I liked him, sure, but I didn't _care_ about him.

I didn't care about anyone.

That's not how you survive…the world is a dark place…

I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't, didn't and couldn't care about him…but the thought made me feel sick.

I was terrified, because against my better judgement, against everything I knew, I _did_ care for him, far too much. But I wouldn't show weakness, I'd broken down too much in front of him…I would never let him see how far _he_ had broken me.

I would not allow him to know how he'd fought through my many defences and made me second guess my entire life…because my life started the day I left home.

Mary Brandon was dead…

I was Alice…just Alice…and I was alone.

I'd always thought that being alone would be pivotal to my survival, but Jasper…he changed everything…

I broke from my thoughts and gazed at him, he appeared to be deep in thought, so while he was distracted, I left him within the workings of his own mind.

I was a coward, I refused to face the situation and I simply walked away…

I grabbed some pyjamas and watched as Jasper made his way into the kitchen, I headed to the bathroom to change.

I braced myself against the sink, staring at my reflection in the dimly lit mirror. I searched my own face, seeking out differences that weren't really there. Because I felt so different that I wanted some kind of physical proof.

My skin had more colour, my eyes were brighter, the dark circles that usually framed my eyes were virtually un-noticeable and my face seemed to have a healthy glow.

My eyes tightened with every realisation until I was scowling at myself in the mirror. Even though these were all positive changes, a part of me hated that he'd managed to change me so much.

But deep down I knew I didn't hate it at all, not one bit…I liked it, I liked it more than I should have and that thought made me so angry at myself.

An anger that had me projecting a false hatred toward all the little changes in me, changes that I would only benefit from.

I sighed heavily. I couldn't believe how childish I was being. I owed Jasper so very much. And here I was, trying to force myself to hate him because I was too scared to let him in completely, too scared to admit how much I really did like him more than planned.

I wanted to hate him for making me like him. _…you've really out-done yourself there, you absolute head-case!_

"Shut up…" I murmured before scrubbing my face with cold water and changing into my pyjamas.

"Would you like a drink, Alice?" Jasper called to me when I came into his view.

I was still wallowing in self-pity and bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something unjustified.

I glanced up at him and when I did, all my hatred, all my uncertainty washed away.

Jasper's eyes were searching me, their warm chestnut smouldering with emotion; I could see that he was apprehensive, he was probably wary that he'd offended me. A small, almost awkward smile graced his face and he awaited my answer. His hair was a slight mess like he'd been running his hands through it and it glowed in the low light of the kitchen doorway.

"I'll have what you're having…" I told him with a smile.

He smiled larger then, a more genuine smile, before disappearing to get our drinks.

_Why'd he have to be so god damn perfect?_

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><p>Okay guys, sorry for the wait. Review! Tell me exactly what you think.<p>

And No offence, but I ask you to review so that it'll motivate me to continue. But some people only review like, one word, or they just sum up what happened in the chapter. I already know what happened, I wrote it. That doesn't help me. Nobody will benefit from that.


	15. Chapter 15

'You're saddened to see, everything that's come so far is falling right into reach, but you're still scared of this rain.' – 'The robot vs The heroin battle of Vietnam' – Dance Gavin Dance.

'It's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm. If you're broken I will mend ya, and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on.' – 'Lego house' – Ed Sheeran.

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

The next day I met Peter before work, as usual, but he seemed a little different. He was openly staring at me, as if searching for something on my face, and having difficulty.

"What?" I questioned, one eyebrow raised as I took a drag out of my freshly lit cigarette.

"I'm just trying to adjust to the new you." He said before lighting a cigarette of his own.

"What _are_ you talking about?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"You're different; you're happier, more carefree. I may not have known you before Maria, but, it's strange, it's almost as if I'm seeing the person you were before her. I think a lot of these changes have to do with that house-guest of yours…" he stared off as he spoke, and I got the feeling that he was trying to imagine who I'd been before my life turned to shit.

I imagined too, I imagined what I would've been like if I had been with Alice instead of Maria, I imagined that Alice had ducked into the restaurant when school was out. I imagined what it would have taken to charm her, because lord knows I would've tried.

I cleared my throat as I realised I was day-dreaming far too much. I took another drag before turning to Peter.

"I feel different…but I haven't quite decided whether that's a good thing yet…" I hedged, unwilling to blurt out that I wanted Alice in any and every way possible.

Peter smirked slightly as if reading my mind. "So…what've you got her for Christmas?" he asked suddenly.

"Wait, what?" I stammered, bewildered.

"Dude, do you know what the date is? It's Christmas next week." Peter stated, his eyes questioned my sanity.

"Fuck!" I muttered. I hadn't been in the Christmas spirit; I'd celebrated it with Maria for as long as I could remember. I never decorated my apartment because we usually went to Maria's.

I suppose I'd lost track of exactly what day it was.

I suddenly felt bad; Alice hadn't had a proper Christmas in years, so she probably hadn't been expecting one. But, I wanted her to have the best Christmas ever. I should have tried harder for her. I shouldn't bring her down with me.

"You are gonna get her something right?" Peter asked slowly.

"Of course I'm gonna fucking get her something!" I fumed, angry at myself.

Peter chuckled. "She's sure got you wound up tight. I think she's had a bigger influence than you're willing to admit."

I sighed. "She's everywhere…everything goes back to her…everything I have is hers if she wants it…" I admitted in a murmur.

Peter let out a low whistle.

"Have you slept with her?" he asked rather bluntly.

"What? No." I answered at once.

"I was just wondering, because you're sounding like me in regards to Charl…" he shrugged before raising his cigarette back to his lips.

"Are you saying I'm in love with her?" I asked incredulously.

"Your words, not mine…" he smirked.

I threw my cigarette down in frustration before trudging in to start my shift. Peter trailed in behind me while he was chuckling to himself.

Work was slow; I was contemplating what exactly to get Alice for Christmas, with just seven measly days to create a Christmas to remember I really was leaving it late. I couldn't believe I'd let something as big as _Christmas_ slip my mind.

_Maybe I could get her an appliance for the kitchen? I know she likes cooking. Maybe I could buy her movies? I know she likes romantic comedies. Maybe some books? Does she like reading?_

"Jasper!" I snapped my head around to the sound of my name being called.

"Yes, Mr Lewis?" I asked as my boss leant against the bar, with one eyebrow raised as he stared at me.

"Table 5 need their order taken. You're in a world of your own today."

"Sorry sir, I'll get right on that." I stammered as I made my way over to where he was pointing.

The rest of my day passed with the relentless collection of dirty dishes and jotting of food choices. Minimal social skill was used and for once I didn't care about being pleasant.

I was too busy trying to plan how I was gonna stop being the frickin' Grinch.

"Jay, stop stressing. She's got a warm place to stay and someone who cares about her. Sitting in front of the TV with some hot chocolate, for her that would be a Christmas to remember." Peter reasoned on the way out.

"I know what you mean, but I want to give her a _proper_ Christmas, y'know?" I sighed, tugging my hair a little as I ran my hands through it.

"Yeah, I know. But, trust me, if she cares for you even half as much as I can see you care for her, she won't care what you do for Christmas. She'll be happy if you're with her." Peter assured.

"She still doesn't trust me, well, nowhere near enough for me to have a chance." I continued to beat myself up about it.

"Give her time. It's been rough for her. I think a quiet, cosy Christmas together will do you both some good. Maybe you really don't have to try too hard to impress her, just keep her safe." Her murmured as we walked down the street. The crisp December air was nipping at our noses and ears.

"When did you get so poetic?" I teased.

"I'm trying to help, asshole." He smirked at me.

"You know, you actually make a lot of sense…I hadn't expected you to know what you were talking about." I admitted, with all humour lost.

"Yeah, well, being in love with Charlotte has shown me that there's always more than one way of looking at something. Everything she does is poetry, and that camera of hers? It captures the heart and soul of everything she points it at…" he murmured, almost in awe as he expressed his obvious appreciation for Charlotte's mentality and talent.

If anyone could see beauty in everything, it would be Charl…she gave hope to even the dimmest of situations…but, she saw truth…she wasn't foolish. I was so glad she and Alice got along; Charlotte was always an optimist, and a loyal friend.

"I might get Alice a journal…I know she likes writing, and Charlottes always giving her prints of her photographs that Alice has been particularly moved by…maybe she could make like a little scrapbook..y'know? Like document her life now that she's started over?" I suggested. As the idea refined itself in my head, I knew it was perfect.

Peter nodded. "I think she'd like that." He smiled at me in encouragement, for which I was grateful.

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><p><em><strong>So, you review, I write. The more reviews, the quicker I update. If I write the next chapter but feel I haven't had enough feedback, I won't upload it. Simple as peas. <strong>_


	16. Chapter 16

**Narrator**: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...  
><strong>Marla Singer<strong>: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?

– Fight club.

**Narrator**: I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more.

- Fight Club.

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><p><em><strong>APOV.<strong>_

I was absently flicking through television shows alone, as I did most days. I understood Jasper needed his job to pay the bills, but there had been a shift in our routine over the last few days that made me uncomfortable.

Jasper was working later than necessary, saying that he needed the extra cash as it was so close to Christmas, that was all well and good but he was always slightly on edge, I had this gut feeling that he was keeping something from me.

Jasper had always been very open with me, even before we'd been properly introduced; he'd never been anything but honest, even when things were hard to talk about.

I trusted him a lot more than I ever would have thought possible and the fact that I was suddenly unsure of his actions and motives, it unnerved me to say the least.

It was Christmas Eve and Jasper was working. On Christmas Eve! He'd decorated the entire apartment in hundreds of twinkle lights and a decent sized tree sat in the corner covered in baubles of as many colours as I could think of.

He didn't like tinsel as he thought it was tacky and messy, and I could really see where he was coming from.

Considering I insisted on doing most of the housework to earn my keep, I really didn't fancy picking frayed bits of tinsel out of the carpet.

Charlotte had taken me Christmas shopping to buy something for Jasper, since I had no source of income she said that if I helped her pick it out then it could be from both of us, and I couldn't really argue with that.

We'd been wandering around for quite some time, nothing I saw really screamed 'Jasper' and I wanted to find something perfect for him.

After walking around nearly every shop we came across, we were about to give up, but we walked past a shop window when I saw it.

It was an art pack, a complete real artist's kit. It included a huge leather pocket full of paintbrushes of varying sizes and shapes, it could easily be rolled up and stored, and it included oil, watercolour and acrylic paints, graded and watercolour pencils and 3 pallets. It was all stowed inside a leather chest that could be personalised.

When we went in to order it Charlotte told me she'd deal with the message and I left her to it.

I loved watching Jasper paint. There was something so calming about watching him at work. He was comfortable enough around me for me to see his pieces unfinished. His hand was always sure, and steady. Whether he was mapping the contours of a horizon, or fleshing out his chaotic thoughts, every stroke of his brush created beauty. He took a canvas, plain, empty and filled it with life, swirling colours and so much intensity that each and every one of his paintings provoked emotion and thought within its viewer.

He was so sexy when he painted, with his little pucker between his eyebrows as he concentrated, and his glasses sliding down his nose as he leaned forward to mix colours. His hands never trembled; he never got a speck of paint where it shouldn't be. I was mesmerised by his talent.

Charlotte had picked up and brought the chest to me the very next day, already wrapped, complete with ribbon, I thanked her immensely. I had so much to thank so many people for.

I glanced at the clock to see that it was nearing 7 o'clock, it was dark out and the snow was swirling gently. Jasper would be home soon.

I used to love the snow when I was a child, my mother would take me on walks on Christmas Eve to tire me out so I'd sleep ready for Santa to visit. I smiled at the memory and then it faltered. I missed her. But, this year my Christmas would be a good one, I could feel it.

I decided I'd go for a quick walk; the brisk winter air would clear my head. I needed some time out of the apartment; being alone in that one room all day every day was starting to suffocate me.

Without another thought I grabbed my jacket and tugged on my boots, I wrote a quick note to Jasper, though I would probably be home before him, and I headed out.

I turned around the corners, knowing the route like the back of my hand. It had been just over a month since I'd gotten off the streets, the very streets I now walked on, and so much had changed.

The snow made the alleys unrecognisable to me, everything was shrouded in white, and the cold was unfriendly and unfamiliar now that I had a warm bed at night. My clothes weren't tattered or unsuitable for the season; they covered me and protected me from the chill. I no longer depended on hiding, I was no longer alone. The streets, my former home, had changed just like the day, just like the weather. I had changed as a person, I was wiser in one sense, I was more of a person than I had been before, I socialised, I felt things for people other than myself; I wanted them to be well. I no longer needed to steal to get by.

After the generosity that had been shown to me I didn't think I'd ever steal again, it was so unnecessary, almost barbaric.

Jasper had been my saviour in one way, picking me up from my lowest point. But, I'd lost the skills that I'd spent so long perfecting - laying-low, being accustomed to all weather, the most comfortable sleeping positions; I no longer knew any of that because of the generosity that Jasper had shown me, and that scared me.

It was highly unlikely that Jasper would be in my life forever, and I honestly didn't know what I'd do without him, if I were to end up on the streets again I don't think I'd be able to cope with learning to survive all over again, it would be too much. The streets would swallow me whole.

Maybe I was overthinking this all, maybe it wasn't the old me that I was terrified of, maybe it wasn't even the streets that scared me. Maybe, what it all boiled down to, was the fact I was downright distraught at the thought of losing Jasper, _ever_.

That's what hurt the most, because he wasn't mine to lose. I wouldn't lose him at all; I didn't have him in the first place. That's what bothered me. I shouldn't want him the way I did, and it took a long time for me to admit that to myself.

But, admitting that to myself and even contemplating making a move to test the waters, they were completely different things entirely, I couldn't, I wouldn't, it wasn't right.

I shook my head to clear the chaotic state my mind had gotten itself into and headed back to the apartment, the frost was starting to nip at my nose and I wanted to have hot chocolate with Jasper and forget the world.

The door wasn't locked so I knew Jasper was home, I couldn't hear the TV or the shower on so I assumed he was either getting changed or making dinner. I smiled at the thought of having Christmas dinner together as I rounded the corner.

I stopped dead in my tracks. My mouth fell open and I let out a barely audible squeak as I watched in pained disbelief as Jasper's tongue caressed another woman's. She was thin in the extreme, with dark-tinted skin, and thick and unruly hair.

I didn't need to have seen her before to know who she was.

_Maria_. My mind screamed the name at me as the tears filled my eyes.

Maria let out soft sighs of contentment as their tongues danced, there was nothing desperate about their kiss, it was welcomed, it was practised, it was sugary-sweet. And it made me want to vomit.

Jasper's rough hands gripped her hips and pulled her gently closer, her hands lay limp on his firm chest and both of their eyes were closed.

A jolt shot through my chest, it was burning but I'd never felt so cold, it was stinging but I'd never felt so numb. All I knew was that it _ached_.

I nearly died on the spot, I thought my heart was going to give out, as the first tear escaped and dripped from my chin, I knew I didn't belong there.

I had been wrong; it wasn't going to be a Christmas to remember. On Christmas Eve I'd been kicked to the curb. My insides quivered and I fled. I'd never run so fast, I didn't have anything to run too, but so much that I had to reluctantly leave behind.

He was not mine, he was never mine. It wasn't my home, I had no home, I had no family, and I would have no Christmas.

When I'd run so far that I could taste my own blood I stopped at the nearest corner and let the tears spill, I sobbed relentlessly as I slid down the cold wall and landed uncomfortably in the bitter snow.

I leaned to the side and heaved as my dinner made an escape, the sounds of gagging and splatters echoing off the walls of the alley as I wretched my guts up.

I had nothing…_again._

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><p><em><strong>Review please! Thank you! <strong>_


	17. Chapter 17

_**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__I know a lot of you were expecting Jasper's POV, but honestly, this song just SCREAMED 'Maria'. _

_I think it's important that I explain to you my reasoning when it comes to the latest turn of the story; I did not want a 'good guy' and 'bad guy' situation in my story. I feel that has been overdone, I have done it myself countless times in my past writings. _

_I feel each person in the world does things they're ashamed of. We all hurt people we love, whether intentional or not, that isn't the case._

_I wanted my story to have a sense of reality, but an extreme emotional toll. Nothing is ever chocolate and daisies, sometimes things get worse before they get better. Maria is not a villain, there is no criminal mastermind, I understand your distaste toward her and maybe that is down to how little I've let her have her say…so, here she is now._

_Again, a HUGE acknowledge to the band that keeps me going through my writing, who I still owe for my greatest inspirations, Dance Gavin Dance._

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><p>'I lay without understanding; I don't know why I feel this way. (Oh lay down girl take my world; I know why I can't see your face.)I've placed every mole there is to place on your wasted body (Oh, lay down girl and take my world; I know why I can't see your face.) As the window left shattered now; we saw the withered body try to shout. You thought the price of your life was devout and told us some things you can't live without, and was this, what was best for us?' – 'And I told them I invented Times New Roman' – Dance Gavin Dance.<p>

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><p><em><strong>Maria's POV<strong>_

I watched the snow fall outside the window, the clumps landed on the sill and began to cover it, layer after layer.

I used to love winter, I loved the crisp air, the beauty of the icicles that hung from naked tree branches; I loved ice-skating, and decorating my apartment, and watching movies by the fire; and I loved laughing, dancing and snuggling with Jasper.

_Jasper._

His name caused my face to twist in pain and a lone tear to glide down my cheek. He'd been my world. I met him at the age of 16 and I knew he was something special. When we shared our first kiss, I knew I loved him. And when we gave ourselves to each other, I knew I'd be his forever.

Jasper and I had spent every Christmas Eve watching movies together, every single year since we were 16. When we reached 18 he began to stay over, and he was always the first thing I'd see Christmas morning. He was always my favourite present.

This year I'd be spending Christmas without him…for the first time in 6 years. The thought caused my tears to well up again. I began to sob. I'd lost him, and I was still completely his.

Now, I saw winter for what it really was, all the magic was lost. It was just dead, all of it, _dead_. It was cold, dangerous, colourless and _dead_.

I'd made so many mistakes, and I'd gotten so lost…for a long time Jasper was the only one who stood by me…but it seemed he couldn't hold on forever…and I still couldn't let him go.

We'd gone to parties, I was always so happy when we did anything together, and when we were in public I beamed with pride at the fact that he was mine, and I his'.

I'd have a leisurely drink with friends, and so would Jasper, it was all a bit of fun, occasionally we'd drink too much and end up laughing at our stupidity and maybe getting a little _too_ into a make-out session in an inappropriate place. But, I never imagined it would come to this.

I never imagined I'd ever be in a state of mind to put alcohol before my Jazzy. I was disgusted at the person I'd become. When I began to excessively drink, I was downright horrid.

Jasper was always patient, just like his mother.

Another round of sobs surfaced at the thought of Esme. She had been like a mother to me; she had encouraged me through my schooling; she had listened to my struggles, she had always made my days brighter and gave me a tight hug whenever she saw me. But, I had betrayed her; I had stolen from her purse while her back had been turned. All I could think of was the Jack Daniel's I'd seen for half price in the shop down on the corner. Rosalie had come up behind me and grasped my wrist in her iron grip. I had sobbed and begged for forgiveness, but they'd tossed me out.

They had every right to disown me, I knew that. I hadn't ever stepped foot in their home again.

Jasper visited me nearly every day though, and we spent a lot of time at his apartment. He kept pleading with me to just sort myself out; he claimed that if I could get better then Esme would be forgiving. But whenever things got hard, or I couldn't stand my own company anymore, whenever a painful memory resurfaced. I would drown my sorrows, and regret it when I awoke with a hangover.

I hated what my life had become, I hated the routine I'd fallen into, I hated that I'd turned everyone I loved against me, and I hated myself.

But, I just couldn't seem to help it.

I broke free of my thoughts and pressed my hand against the cold window's pane. The heat of my skin caused a mist to brush the glass around my hand, leaving a clear print of where my hand had been. I sighed before I glanced over my shoulder to see the cabinet that held my alcohol.

It was locked, and I smiled ruefully. I hadn't had a drop in nearly a month, I actually hadn't drank at all since the night before I last saw Jasper, when I'd visited him at his work.

Hearing Jasper admit to giving up on me, it hurt, it hurt more than anything I'd ever experienced. It was like a black hole had started up inside me and sucked away everything that should have been keeping me alive. That was the day that I'd lost everything that ever meant anything – the love of my life.

It's ironic really, through my alcoholism I begged Jasper to stand by me, promising I'd get better so he wouldn't leave me, as long as he helped me through. But, it turned out that all he needed to do was turn his back on me, and the feeling of loss would be so great that I'd never touch a bottle again.

I guess it's true what they say, what you want is not what you need.

The sounds of cheerful giggles drifted to my ears and I glanced back out of the window, down on to the street, where I spotted a man holding hands with a small girl I assumed was his daughter. She was no more than 6 years old and they were singing Christmas carols.

Jasper used to sing to me, he wasn't all that good. His voice was gruff in the sexy kind of way, but very rarely on key. He used to sing that song to me, every single year…

"_I don't want a lot for Christmas…there is just one thing I need…" Jasper sang beneath his breath as he helped frame my doorway with twinkle lights. _

_I giggled happily as I wrapped my arms around him from behind, giving his waist a firm squeeze as he continued to sing to me._

_He'd just gotten to the chorus when he was finished with the lights; he turned in my arms, wrapping his own around my form. _

_He placed a gentle kiss on my head…_

"_All I want for Christmas is you…"_

I sobbed as the memory jumped to the forefront of my mind; it was that moment that I decided that I hated the holiday season. Without Jasper, nothing was worth celebrating.

I wiped my eyes roughly and thought over what my AA group leader always used to say…

"_Addiction is a disease…but it can be cured."_

It's not a disease! It's not some infection, or a virus, it's a mistake. It's something that I would have to admit to, I'd done this to myself, and I knew it was wrong for Jasper to take responsibility for me because I was to in denial to do it for myself.

I needed to thank him, for everything he'd ever done. Whether he took me back or not, that didn't really matter, what mattered was that it was Christmas Eve and I loved him, and I'd be damned if I didn't at least wish him a merry Christmas, whether it had me in it or not, that was his choice to make.

I tugged on my coat and took a brief glance in the hallway mirror, and regretted it.

My eyes were sunken into my skull from months of fitful sleep, my skin had an unhealthy sheen to it and my hair was wild to say the least.

_Maria, you've been sober a month…yet you still look like an alcoholic…very well done!_

My mind mocked me but I just huffed at my reflection before racing through the door. I kept a consistent and speedy pace towards Jasper's apartment, and only when I was ascending the steps to his door did my nerves start to kick in.

What if he slammed the door in my face?

_Would you listen to yourself? Jasper wouldn't do that!_

I took a deep breath to calm myself before knocking on the door.

Jasper opened the door with a smile on his face, but it fell when he saw me.

I studied his face for a few seconds, as always mesmerised by his beauty. He was perfection…and I'd chased him away.

His eyes were searching me. He looked uncertain, hopeful, fearful, uncomfortable, sad, and confused. So many conflicting emotions were dancing in his beautiful irises of smouldering chestnut, god I'd miss looking into his eyes.

There was a brief moment before I realised I'd yet to say anything and I was afraid he'd turn me away.

But, no matter what I'd had to say, I couldn't remember it, thought fled as I looked up at him.

Then…I remember something perfect…

"I don't want a lot for Christmas…there is just one thing I need…" I sang hesitantly, my hands shaking slightly.

"Don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree…" He sang back, his eyes still unsure, and his voice as soft as a whisper; I nearly cried when I heard it.

He didn't turn me away…he stepped aside, and I followed him in…

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><p><strong>Review please; I really hope this helps you understand my Maria a little better. Any doubts, questions or suggests then I'd love to hear them!<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

'Back it up, back it up; Stop, fast-forward, rewind. And watch the sun; watch the moon taking turns in the same sky. And you were dead as the leaves, now you're new like the spring-time. Back it up, back it up; Stop, fast-forward, rewind' – 'Time Lapse Lifeline' – Maria Taylor.

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

I arrived home from work to find a note from Alice saying not to worry and that she'd only gone for a walk, I smiled as I read it.

A part of me was glad that she was out; it was very rare that I was ever home without her and so I finally had the opportunity to wrap her present and place it beneath the tree.

I found myself humming Christmas carols to myself as I placed the ribbon atop her gift. It was strange, catching myself humming cheerily when it had only been a few short weeks ago that I had been so unhappy.

I knew that Alice had changed me, for the better, obviously.

I was eagerly awaiting the morning so I could see Alice's face light up when she tore the paper from her present; I knew she'd like it.

I smiled softly at the thought of her being so happy. Maybe Peter was right…maybe I did love her…

I didn't have long to contemplate though as there was a knock on the door. I smiled softly in amusement and couldn't quite understand why Alice didn't just walk in, it wasn't locked.

When I pulled open the door however, my smile fell.

Maria stood there, she was shaking with nerves, I could tell that she was sober, I knew her well enough to read the hope in her eyes and the hesitance in the set of her jaw. She'd taken a chance in coming to see me; it was plastered on her face.

She didn't expect anything from me, but she hoped. I was not the kind of person could turn her away without at least hearing her out.

I always had a habit of giving the benefit of the doubt, especially when it came to Maria, and it seemed that old habits die hard, as I let her into my home.

A small part of my mind was worried what Alice would think if she came home now, I didn't understand that irrational thought. We and Alice were not together. We were not romantically involved.

Regardless of how much my feelings for her had developed, our actually relationship had not developed much at all. And she still didn't trust me enough to commit to me.

If I loved her, I would deal with that, but I couldn't tell her of my feelings, because I was terrified that she'd think I was planning on taking advantage of her.

With Alice's past, what was she supposed to think when a stranger gives her a place to live then a few weeks later announces he's in love with her?

I'd sound like a pervert. So, no, I refused to pursue a relationship with Alice until I at least got a hint that it's what she wanted.

"What is it that you wanted Maria?" I asked softly.

"Well, I know it doesn't change anything, trust me Jasper, I really do. But, I am sorry. I guess I just needed you to know that…" she sighed and I opened my mouth to speak but she continued.

"And I know I've said it a million times, but I mean it, I always meant it, I just kept fucking up again, and then there was more to be sorry for." It was obvious that she was angry at herself, but I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at her. I just didn't care enough anymore. If she was sorry, I could accept that. I could tell she hadn't had a drink in a while; this was the first sober conversation we'd had in months.

She was improving, that was good. I was happy for her. But, that was nothing to do with me anymore.

I wanted to find the words to express what I thought. I wanted Maria to know that I didn't hold anything against her, I truly had forgiven her, it was in the past. And so was she.

"Maria…I forgive you…but that doesn't change anything. I've changed…I've grown…You were my first love and I know that…." She cut me off.

"You were mine too…Jasper you were my _only_ love…" she admitted.

That statement through me and I blinked stupidly for a few seconds, it wasn't the fact that she'd said them…it was the fact that I couldn't say them back. I couldn't say them back because she wasn't my only. Almost instantly my mind was filled with Alice's face as she smiled softly at me.

I gasped. My mind automatically made a comparison of Maria and Alice…and all of a sudden I realised that though my love for Maria had consumed my teenage years, and still meant very much to me, it was a wholly different love to what I felt for Alice.

Alice and I had met at our worst, we'd built each other up, I'd given her shelter, and she'd given me hope. We were a lot wiser than our years because of the things we'd experience, and we were on the same page. And in a twisted way I had Maria to thank for that.

"Merry Christmas, Maria." I said softly.

And without a second's pause her lips were on mine. I felt the desperation she felt, I knew that she needed to be close to someone. It was Christmas eve and she was my first love and she needed comfort. So, against my better judgment, I kissed her back.

But for me, it was a kiss goodbye. Goodbye to her, to the person she'd been, to all the things we'd done together. It was a goodbye to all of my firsts, to the person I was with her, and a huge goodbye to what I'd once felt towards her.

It was bittersweet really, saying goodbye to everything I'd ever known but finding something so much better within the ruin.

I knew that Maria could tell the difference in me; I knew that this kiss would be our last, and she could sense it too. It didn't bother her though, because it was more than what she'd expected, but less than what she'd hoped for.

Then, I heard the door slam.

_Alice._

I tore myself away from Maria instantly and sprinted to the door, but she was gone.

"FUCK!" I growled.

I'm an idiot! A completely and utter fucking idiot!

_You think?_

"UGH!" I fumed as I grabbed my head with both hands.

If Alice had just known what I was thinking, if she'd not just burst in at the exact wrong moment! Why did she have to run away?

Wait, why did she run away? It's not like she 'caught me with another woman', sure Alice knew of Maria but me and Alice weren't dating so Alice could have sat down, flipped on the TV and ignored us when she came in. But she hadn't, she'd fled as fast as possible.

I'd hurt her.

"Why is this happening to me?" I muttered still clenching my skull in my hands.

If seeing me kiss Maria had hurt Alice…was it possible that Alice felt what I felt? Could she really want me?

My head snapped up and I grabbed my coat at once. I ran towards the door.

_I have to find her._

I ran out of the building as fast as my legs would go, I left Maria in the apartment. Whatever she found she could have, if she really wanted to steal from me, I had the strangest feeling she wouldn't though.

"Alice!" I called, looking down every street, searching every dark corner.

"Alice, please!" I yelled desperately.

After hours of searching I leant against a lamp-post on a corner, my hands numb from the frost.

"ALICE!" I wailed as a sob escaped. I slid to the cold ground and buried my head in my hands.

"I love you…" I whimpered…

_You're too late…_

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><p><em><strong>Okay guys. I don't understand why everyone thought Jasper was 'cheating' I have never once indicated that they were in a romantic relationship. Their emotions may have been leaning towards that but the characters were in denial up until this point. It was inevitable that Jasper would have to confront his feelings for Maria before he could accept those he had for Alice. And It was inevitable for Alice to have to be hurt by Jasper before she realised how much she'd let him in. Nothing is ever as simple as we wish it could be, and there is more than 1 side to any story. <strong>_


	19. Chapter 19

'I have no speech, no name. I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction, absolute. Alone.' – 'Restless' – Season 4 – Buffy: The vampire slayer.

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><p>APOV.<p>

I must have been deluded to ever have believed that I could spend Christmas happy. I had been foolish and let myself imagine what it would be like to wake up warm and unwrap my presents with a smile, I had been so very, very foolish.

I had known from the beginning that Jasper and I were balancing precariously. I had known that so many things could have gone wrong; I had known that at any moment I could've gone back to having nothing. But I had allowed myself to pretend, and for a moment I even allowed myself to believe. I guess ignorance really is bliss.

I should have been happy for him; I should have walked in and addressed that bitch politely. I should have exchanged pleasantries; I shouldn't have run away.

It shouldn't have bothered me, but it did; because I cared too fucking much. I had known that getting attached to Jasper would hurt me. _I'd known!_

But why hadn't I put a stop to it? Because he was Mr Perfect; He was every woman's ideal and I had allowed myself to think, even just for a moment, that I could be happy.

So, I woke up after a fitful sleep, with stray chips of gravel embedded into my back and arms, on Christmas day, in the snow, on the ground, on the street. _All alone._

I felt the hot trail run down my face before I acknowledged I was crying. I shouldn't have been crying; I had no right. Jasper had taken me in, provided for me, cared for me; he'd given me so much more than necessary without any form of obligation and asked for nothing in return. Who was I to be crying now that I no longer had him to rely on? It had been my choice to leave. I knew that Jasper would never have kicked me out, whether he was back with that bitch or not. I had chosen to leave, and in doing so I had involuntarily let Jasper know how I felt.

I ran away in a fit of jealousy and heart-ache; because I cared. _T__oo. Fucking. Much._

I wrapped my arms around my shivering body, I glanced down at the clothes that covered me; clothes that I wouldn't have if it hadn't have been for Jasper.

I began to sob. Jasper probably felt awful, despite the fact he didn't feel for me the way I felt for him, he would still blame himself for the fact I was cold, alone and homeless for Christmas. But, it had been my present to myself; I had put myself in the situation.

I could imagine Jasper, full of self-loathing because he knew he'd hurt me, however unintentionally.

That was my only comfort really - the fact that I knew Jasper hadn't meant to hurt me.

I glanced up at the sound of someone's approach and for a fleeting moment I wished rather foolishly that Jasper would turn the corner. I was surprised by how disappointed I was when he didn't, despite the fact I knew he wouldn't.

It was an elderly woman, shuffling down the street in her snow boots, parcels tucked under her arms.

She glanced down the side-street where I sat and we made eye-contact. She stopped abruptly and set her parcels down; she reached into a bag and pulled out a mince-pie. She wordlessly held her hand out to me; I nervously reached over to take it from her.

"Should still be warm, baked fresh this morning." She told me sweetly.

"Thank you." I said gratefully.

"Merry Christmas." She told me before retrieving her parcels and shuffling on.

_Yeah…Merry Christmas, Alice…_

I thought to myself as I scoffed the treat. As far as Christmas' went, I shouldn't be complaining, I mean, I'd had worse.

I missed Jasper a lot more than I'd anticipated. I wanted him to give me a tight hug while he whispered "Merry Christmas." And I wanted to kiss his cheek as I handed him his present. I wanted to have Christmas dinner with his family and help Esme make dessert. I wanted to laugh with Charlotte and pretend I belonged there…if only just for Christmas.

My skin was turning faintly blue in places and my shivering was becoming near violent. The only warmth radiated from the tears that continued to leave hot, wet trails down my down-turned face.

_For a few short weeks, you got to be happy…_

My thoughts reminded me.

I had predicted that going back to the streets would be difficult, because I would be unaccustomed to my surroundings and it would harder to be alone. But, I never, ever imagined I would be heart-broken too…

My chest hurt…it felt heavy…and jolt after jolt of pain reminded me of what I'd lost…

A small part of me wondered whether or not I would have been better off if I'd never met him, but that thought hurt me more…

_Because you love him…_

My thoughts continued to mock me, as I continued to cry.


	20. Chapter 20

'_It's not over tonight. Just give me one more chance to make it right. I may not make it through the night, but I won't go home without you.' – Won't got home without you' – Maroon 5._

'_We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.' – 'Wish you were here' – Pink Floyd._

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

I searched for hours; I called her name countless times. The cold nipped at my nose and cheeks. I dug my hands into my pockets to stop my fingers from freezing up. I kept looking for her until the sun rose on Christmas morning.

I was at a disadvantage. Alice had lived on the streets for so long that she knew them inside out. But to me, they all looked the same, especially in the dark. I had no idea how much ground I'd covered, or whether I was going around in circles, mistakenly checking alleys I'd already searched through.

The slick ice on the ground made it difficult to be speedy in my searching; I often slipped, but managed to stay on my feet. With every sound that reached my ears I would naively hope that she would appear in front of me, and let me take her home.

As the night drew on and the temperature dropped, I worried that she would get sick from wandering around in it.

_You're such an asshole, Whitlock._

"Don't I fucking know it…" I muttered to my thoughts as I headed back to the apartment.

The light was shining, orange and yellow over the horizon; I'd been searching all night.

I walked through the unlocked door to my apartment, Maria had gone, like I'd suspected. I couldn't find a thing out of place, for a moment it was easy for me to believe that the previous night had been nothing but a terrible nightmare.

But the room felt cold. I turned to see the empty sofa-bed where Alice should have been snuggled peacefully and I blinked hard to stop myself from crying.

I flopped down onto the sofa, and the blankets smelt of her, as the full-force of her absence hit me, it was impossible to fight the urge to cry.

I felt so useless, so lost, I felt like a child again. I was crying like a fucking baby and I didn't even care because for a second it felt good to just let it all out.

And the next thing I was aware of was a pounding on my apartment door. I rubbed at my eyes slightly as I scanned my surroundings.

_Why the hell am I on the sofa?_

And that's when it all came back to me. My heart constricted in my chest as a crippling wave of pain hit me. Alice was gone.

The banging continued and I awoke completely from my disoriented, post-awakening haze.

I leapt up, sprinting to the door to fling it open, only to be disappointed the see Peter and Charlotte's beaming faces. I was foolish to think Alice would come back to me.

I must have been a right state with the way their faces fell.

"Jay, what's wrong?" Peter asked.

_Everything…_

My mind filled in as I tried to find words…How could I explain?

After a moment of charged silence Charlotte spoke up.

"Where's Alice?" she asked softly.

_Where's Alice?_ I repeated the question to myself._ Where was Alice? Was she even safe? Did she want to be found? Did she even care?_ I didn't have the answers to any of those questions.

"I don't know." I wailed as I broke down in the doorway.

I didn't care that I'd turned into a pitiful mess in front of my best friends. I just wanted Alice back.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Charlotte fumed.

I couldn't regain enough breath to answer her and Charlotte looked so furious, I'd known she'd seen Alice as her best friend. _Would Charlotte hate me now, too? Like Alice did?_

Peter grasped her wrist softly and she seemed to calm down some. Peter then directed us all inside and shut the door behind us.

He sat us down before he turned to me.

"Explain." He demanded.

I took a deep, haggard breath and poured my heart out to them. I told them everything, every thought that passed through my mind during from the moment Maria knocked the door, onwards.

Peter looked sympathetic and Charlotte looked close to tears herself, and when I finally finished she wrapped her arms tight around me and gave me a tight squeeze of reassurance.

"I never meant to hurt her…I never wanted to hurt her…" I whimpered as I buried my head in my hands.

"Jay, it's okay, we know…she's just confused…I'm sure she feels pretty betrayed right now, and if it were the other way around, you would too." Charlotte reasoned with me.

"I just want her back…" I was still having my one-man pity-party.

She wasn't even mine to begin with yet I felt like I'd lost so much. It was so strange that in a month she meant more to me than Maria did after over 5 years…

I'd never have believed that one person could consume your thoughts and feelings so entirely, had I not met Alice.

I suddenly understood Peter completely, every time he looked at Charlotte, every casually touch they shared seemed to spark. I never could work out why he seemed to watch her so intensely, but now I could. It wasn't so much _intense _as it was _passionate_. He watched her every move, as if afraid she'd disappear because he honestly didn't know who he'd be or what he'd do without her.

I could emphasize with that, because that was how I felt when it came to Alice. I loved her. Wholly and completely whether she knew it or not, it was still true. She built me back up and I changed a lot when I was with her, to the point where I didn't know who I was when she was gone.

Peter stood up and both Charlotte and I watched as he moved toward the door.

"Come on then, let's go find her, because I sure as hell am not letting my best friend turn into fucking scrooge." He explained.

Charlotte smiled at him.

"Come on, Jay! Let's bring Alice home!" Charlotte enthused and I smiled.

It was Alice's home…my home was her home too, it was where she belonged.

So we grabbed our coats and headed out, the frost not stopping us as we split up and searched the city. And I didn't plan on going home without her.

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><p><strong><em>Review and I'll update. Until then, I'm going to have dirty fantasies about Dougie Poynter on 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here.' Which is starting now, toodles!<em>**


	21. Chapter 21

"_Deep into that darkness peering long, I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal's ever dared to dream before." – Edgar Allan Doe._

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I tried to sleep, I really did. I wanted the day to be over with, to just come and go in the blink of an eye. Turned out that my ability to endure any weather had become dormant when I'd been given the luxury of warmth and shelter, and now that I needed it, it wasn't rouse-able.

I sighed and my breath swirled around my face – substance enough to be seen but impalpable to the touch – disappearing when my hand brushed the air to reach for it.

I may not have been able to actually rest, but still, I could dream.

I didn't know how much time had passed as I fantasised about what could've happened, I knew that it would only twist the knife that had embedded itself in my chest, but for a short while it felt nice to just imagine the perfect Christmas.

I imagined waking up with that same warm sensation I always got when I realised that Jasper would be the first person I'd see. I visualised how Jasper would leave his bedroom and smile at me in greeting, how I'd whisper my happy holidays against his cheek as I met it with my lips.

I imagined how his eyes would shine brightly as he whispered the same words back to me and hand me my present. I even went so far as to fantasise how we'd laugh with his family over dinner and dance together as the day ran into evening and light-hearted banter turned into nightly celebration.

I imagined how we'd end up under some mistletoe that hung delicately from the doorframe, and finally as his face lowered to mine, I'd _finally_ be okay.

As my fantasy bled out and dispersed into blurred colours, I was faced with the cold, lonely view of the alley wall in front of me. My temporary, mental warmth was quickly replaced by a crippling chill that had set itself into my very bones, and I shuddered as it rippled through me.

I held my hand up to examine it. It shook violently, and my skin was ghoulishly pale with the subtlest of blue tints. I knew that I'd get sick and for a fleeting moment I considered going back to Jasper and apologizing for my unjustified behaviour, but it hurt too much to even think about seeing him with somebody else.

I thought I'd lost all sanity when I heard the faint calling of my name. But as it grew louder, closer, and I recognised the voice, I started to panic.

Jasper was looking for me, and he was really close to finding me. I honestly didn't know what I'd say or do when he did.

I was frozen, trapped within my own body as I was immobilised by stress.

And then Jasper turned the corner, his voice cut off as he was halfway through shouting my name again.

My heart thudded as I stared up at him from the ground. This was the second time he'd found me cowering in a side-street but the situation couldn't have been more different. Seeing him stirred emotions in me that weren't easily explained.

We locked eyes and I saw something flicker in his irises and as he reached toward me, I fled.

I hadn't expected him to pursue me, but soon enough I was caged in his strong arms, his warmth radiated through me and caused me to shudder. I wanted him to be so much closer but still, I struggled against him.

I couldn't deal with it. I _wouldn't._

I couldn't deal with his questions, because the only answers I had to offer wouldn't make him happy. And I didn't have it in me to lie to him. Even for his benefit.

I wanted him to keep me safe, but as he kept me pinned to me chest, I wanted to be far, far away. I couldn't explain to him how he made me feel.

I couldn't let him in.

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><p>"<em>Everything I touch turns to stone, so wrap your arms around me and leave me on my own. Take back every word I've said, ever said to you." – 'Blessed with a curse.' – Bring Me The Horizon.<em>

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

I saw the fear flash in her eyes and she bolted. There was no way I was gonna let her get away from me, not when I had tried so hard to find her, no way I had so much to say…not when I loved her so much.

I sprinted after her, my long legs giving me the advantage I needed to catch up and get my arms around her. I pinned her to me, her back to my chest, and I ignored her struggled, her groans of protest and the pain as her elbows jabbed my stomach.

She needed to understand, she needed to know.

"Alice, stop." I murmured in her ear.

She began to thrash, her shoulders hunched and shook and I knew she was crying.

"Alice, please." I begged. I didn't want to restrain her but she wasn't giving me an alternative.

"You have to listen to me." I tried again but she simply pushed against my hold, desperate for escape.

"God damn it, Alice! Listen to me!" I growled through gritted teeth as my arms felt the strain of her fighting.

"No!" she sobbed, staggering forward, failing to break my hold.

"Alice, it's not what it looked like!" I insisted and very nearly rolled my eyes at the cliché.

"Let me go!" she growled. My arms automatically tightened.

"Not until you listen to me!" I retorted and she finally slumped in my arms.

Sobs shook her fragile frame and I finally took in her appearance.

She looked broken again; in hope of fixing her I'd only shattered her further. And I'd made her cry. God, I hated it when she cried.

"Alice, I swear to you, it was a goodbye. It was for closure. It was the last thing I could give her." I breathed against the shell of her ear.

I just prayed that she'd believe me, but I knew it wasn't likely, she was on the defence and all of her guards were focused on keeping me out.

It made sense to me, but to her it must have sounded like a feeble excuse.

"She came to apologize. She came for an ending. Alice, that chapter of my life is over. I've made my peace." I continued when she didn't stop me.

She still didn't turn to face me, it was as if she didn't want to look at me.

"Alice, I'm sorry. So very, very sorry. I never would have done it if I knew it would hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you." I murmured, my own voice cracking with the confession.

Her sobs quieted, turning to soft whimpers. Her head was bowed and I felt the splash of her tears against my hands that were clasped tightly around her waist.

My face was buried in her hair and I breathed her in.

"Alice, I'm sorry. Come back with me." I pleaded, failing to keep my voice steady.

She took a laboured breath before she spoke, and when she did her voice was hollow, defeated.

It was as if she didn't want to say the words, as if she didn't believe them and spoke only to try and convince herself.

It was a defence mechanism. Act like you don't care and hope that they believe it.

"Let me go, Jasper." She breathed and there was no strength in the sound.

I clenched my eyes shut at those words, but still my tears escaped. I _felt _how much those words had hurt her. And she had no idea how much that they'd hurt _me_.

"Never, Alice. I'll never let you go." I vowed, resting my head in the crook of her neck as I let myself cry.

After a silent moment she turned in my arms, wrapping her own around my shoulders.

I raised my head to meet her eye and hesitantly relaxed my iron grip on her tiny body.

Uncertainty danced in her big, beautiful eyes and I wanted to wash all of her doubt away.

"I'm so-" She cut off my apology by pressing her fingertips to my lips and I had to resist the urge to kiss them.

"I'm sorry, too. I overreacted." She murmured, soothing me as her hand, the one that wasn't on my face, found it's way into my hair.

We didn't have to voice our forgiveness, we knew.

I felt whole again as I pressed her close to me, my head once again rested on her shoulder.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie." I murmured to her.

She squeezed me tighter for a moment.

"Merry Christmas, Jazz." She whispered and then she paused. "…I missed you." She added softly.

I pulled back to look at her properly, and her eyes were searching.

I was about to tell her I'd missed her too but the second my lips parted, they were met by hers.

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><p><strong>Okay guys, I really need reviews on this one because I very nearly didn't update. Christmas shopping is stressing me the fuck out so I get home and I'm in the process of typing up the chapter but my sister decided she's gonna use MY laptop to charge her iPad, which then fucks up my iTunes, crashes my internet and causes my laptop to freeze and me to lose all of the files I had open. So I've had to type this entire thing TWICE, after already writing it in my notebook. Nobody leaves me alone for a fucking HOUR in this house. Speaking of which, as I type this my mum's flipping her shit and shouting up the stairs at me because my sister doesn't know how to work a god damn credit card and<strong>_** I**_** have to help her! **


	22. Chapter 22

_**I'm putting this as simply as possible so we can move along with the story, but this is an important author's note so I would appreciate your attention.**_

You will _**not**_ believe what has happened to me since my last update. On the 8th of December I arrived home from college alone, in the middle of the day to find my house broken into and it's contents tipped upside-down. My laptop was one of the things stolen. Therefore, no updates. I tried to jot things down in a notebook but I simply couldn't. I was depressed and sick to my stomach about the fact that somebody had been maliciously pawing through my personal belongings. My room is decorated very personally – photographs, posters, concert/train/plane/trip tickets. I almost felt like they'd been picking through my brain. I couldn't put pen to paper. Things got better though, on the 14th I saw 100 Monkeys in concert, met Jackson Rathbone ON HIS BIRTHDAY, and got his autograph. I was happy again. And on Christmas day, I don't know how my parents did it with 2 weeks to work with, but they managed to produce not a only a new laptop for me, but one for my sister as well, on top of the presents they'd already purchased. So, sorry for the wait, but here it is…

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><p>'We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.' – Fight Club.<p>

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

Jasper kissed me back with so much heat that the consequences of my action seemed insignificant. I pressed my lips to his in an instant in which desperation had won out. He'd told me exactly what I'd needed him to. He'd said exactly what I'd needed him to say. I had a split-second of clarity where I knew indefinitely what I wanted. I was floundering for it, I was begging, gasping, _desperate_. I needed him to show me - to enforce the truth of his statement, to make it a physical act. I smashed my lips into his clumsily, almost violently in my undignified need for him to prove that he'd never let me go.

In a flash I'd made the decision to kiss him and in a flash I realised that it could've been a mistake. But the way that his lips and tongue battled my own was all the evidence I needed. I had no worries, there were no doubts. The future was uncertain, the outcome was unpredictable. I had no idea what would be next for us, but in that one moment I simply didn't care because not only had he said the words I'd longed to hear, but he'd given me exactly what I'd needed from him. He saw right through my crumbling charade, he saw how vulnerable I wouldn't even admit to myself I was.

I was the first to pull back, and when I did and the chilly air bit at my flushed cheeks, reality came rushing back. My eyes went wide as I glanced up at him. Everybody I'd ever known in my entire life left eventually. I feared that it was Jasper's turn to go. I waited for him to turn his back. I held in my pain for a time when he wouldn't see it. And just when I was about to let go, he kissed me again.

The second kiss wasn't desperate like the first, it wasn't driven by an uncontrollable urge to _feel_ - something, _anything_. No, the second kiss was just a soft whisper of truth. He pressed his lips to mine with the briefest of pressures, but I was left with the warm ghost of where his lips had been. The second kiss was the reassurance that the passion of the first had been legitimate.

"Come back with me." He whispered, and his voice cracked. It was only then that I realised that everything I'd been feeling, he'd felt too.

"Where else would I go?" I choked out as the hot trail of my tears thawed my frozen face.

He chuckled in blatant relief as he wiped at my tear-stained face. He tugged me against his chest and enveloped me in his warmth. I buried my head in his jacket and locked my own arms around him. When we pulled away he took my hand and laced our fingers as we made our way home. His home was my home too. Jasper called Peter and Charlotte to let them know that he'd found me. Charlotte had insisted on talking to me and I promised I'd call her when everything was sorted. I didn't exactly know what 'everything' entitled though.

I didn't want to ruin Christmas for Jasper's family so I made him promise not to mention my disappearance as we made our way to the huge house I'd always been welcomed into. I didn't want everybody dragged into the huge mess I'd made. Jasper and I would deal with it between us later on.

"Uncle Jazz!" Jessie squealed as soon as we walked through the door. She came hurdling towards us and leapt into Jasper's arms and he promptly began tickling her.

Jessie's shrieking laughter was a sound that had everybody smiling, it was homey. When Jasper finally set Jessie back on her feet she attached herself to one of my legs. She beamed up at me, all dimples and rosy cheeks.

"Merry Christmas, Alice." She greeted me.

"Merry Christmas." I said back, smiling happily down at her.

I looked up in time to see Jasper's dazzling smile as he watched us. Jasper left me to my own devices then, he went to help Esme in the kitchen.

Christmas with the Cullens was the best Christmas of my life. The dinner was delicious; the conversation flowed easily, as did the alcohol. The music was festive and the atmosphere was both relaxed and family-oriented and exciting and fun, all at once. It was early evening when things started to wind down a little. We were all sat in the large family room watching a classic Christmas movie. We didn't make much conversation throughout it. We laughed at the appropriate times and exchanged comments on who was sexy and who was horrid. I was just headed down the hall that led to the bathroom when Jasper grabbed my hand.

The corridor was dark, save for the twinkle lights on the staircase and the light from the family room at the end of the hall. Jasper backed me against a wall and laced our fingers on both hands. He smiled almost timidly at me and I waited patiently for him to organise his thoughts.

"I don't really know what happens now…" he sighed.

"How'd you mean?" I asked gently, having already told myself that same thing over and over again throughout the day.

"I know what I want…but…do we want the same thing?" He murmured and smiled wistfully to himself.

"What do you want? Exactly." I pressed.

He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips and trailed feather light kisses down my face and neck, I got a feeling that he was using that as an excuse to not meet my eyes. He sighed heavily before pulling back to look at me. I could see how nervous he was, I wanted to reassure him but I didn't know if I had it in me. Nobody would understand the weight of that moment for me. His answer could make or break the foundation we'd managed to construct, and I didn't have the strength to pick myself up if I were to be dropped again.

"…you…" he murmured gently. "In any way you'll allow…just…stay with me…please?" He pleaded.

"Jazz…I'm not going anywhere…what do you mean 'any way I'll allow'?" I asked, a little frustrated that he couldn't just tell me what he was thinking.

He kissed me again, his warmth radiating through me, his lips sickly sweet. I needed stability, it was what I needed in order to survive, and with our close proximity, not even my breathing was stable.

"If you want to carry on how we have been, that's fine…I can live with that…but…Alice, I want to be with you. I want you. I don't want to be your roommate, or your landlord, or your friend. Alice…just…be with me." He rushed out, his confession trailed off into a soft plea and he stared down into the space between our chests. I tightened my fingers around his to make him look at me.

"Jasper…" I didn't know what to say. I didn't have words. It wasn't a matter of what either of us needed, because we'd both already established that we needed each other. It was a matter of want, of deciding exactly what stage we were at.

I stared at him for a long moment; my mouth hung open trying to find words and phrases to explain what I was experiencing. I wished in that moment that he could just _feel_ what I felt. Deciding that words weren't enough, I resorted to actions. After all, actions speak louder, right?

I removed my fingers from between his, only to dig them into his hair as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and plundered my tongue into his mouth. He stumbled slightly from my attack before becoming an active participant in our battle to understand, to want, to need, to live, to _feel_.

It was me and him, us and nothing, light and warmth, home and shelter. It was the best Christmas present a girl could ask for. And with my actions, with my response…I made him mine.

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><p><em><strong>Okay guys…I'm going on holiday over the New Year, so I won't be able to update for a week or so. Please leave your thoughts. This month has been one hell of a rollercoaster for me. And I could really use the support to get me back into the swing of things. This update might not even be half decent because my new laptop and I haven't quite bonded yet. That sounds crazy but I swear it makes sense to me.<strong>_


	23. Chapter 23

Stranger, I've known you for so long. I found you lost with a compass in the fog. Stranger, you know me too much. Illusionary-self had not been touched, until you. Humming hallelujah in the dark, whispered poems that leave you to be. Humming hallelujah in the night. The sun might rise, as sometimes does it fall. - 'Stranger' - Katie Costello.

_**(I strongly suggest you listen to this song on repeat when reading this chapter. Much love!)**_

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I felt his warmth on every inch of my skin, in every cell of my being. It was my safety, it was a guiding light. He wanted me to stay with him. He wanted to be with me. I wouldn't have to be alone. Since I'd met him, Jasper had always provided for me in material ways and given me much more than I deserved. But there'd always been a gap. There was a charge in the air around us that our conscious minds couldn't make sense of. As I closed my eyes and thought back over the few times he'd kissed me, and the times he'd held me; warmth rippled through me. We'd bridged the gap. The memories washed over me, like a balm for my emotional wounds. I was whole. Jasper had provided for me emotionally. He'd held his hand out and again he'd given me hope, hope that I could become something more. He'd saved me from myself, again.

I reopened my eyes and saw him watching me. His family members were scattered around the large room, all their eyes trained on the TV. The room was dimly lit, the inconsistent flashing from the screen danced across Jasper's features as his eyes kept careful examination over every move I made. I offered him a shy smile, which he returned. I turned my attention to the movie, but I felt him watching me. My entire body hummed as I felt his eyes on the side of my face. I flushed delicately under his scrutiny. I couldn't understand why he would look at me like that, with such intensity. It was almost as if he didn't think I was real, like he was afraid that I was a dream, a walking fantasy. I turned to smile at him, and tried to express with my eyes what I couldn't say aloud -_'I'm here. I love you.'_

He got up and took careful steps toward me; he glanced quickly to his family, who were paying us no mind. He brushed my knuckles softly with his fingertips and my entire arm erupted in tingles. It was insane to be this aware of someone, to be this affected by their mere presence. He glanced over my head, where I knew hung a large clock. His eyes found mine again and he leant in to speak quietly to me.

"You ready to go?" he whispered.

I nodded once and smiled slightly. He quickly gathered our things and we said our goodbyes to his family. He gently laid a kiss on Jessie's sleeping head before we headed out. The walk home was cold and tedious, but with his hand in mine I was finally able to appreciate the beauty of winter that had eluded me without him. The snow swirled around us in gentle flakes. The flakes that managed to find purchase on the ground created a fluffy walk-way of white and glitter. The dead branches of the trees were no longer naked as long, twinkling icicles cascaded from them. I looked up in wonder as the tree-tops formed a jagged, sparkling pattern against the sky. Jasper squeezed my hand and when I met his gaze I was greeted with that same fire in his stare. That fire made me warm all over.

The smoldering of his irises contrasted completely with the Wonderland around us, but he was equally as devastatingly beautiful. I inclined my head and was about to ask him what was on his mind, but the second my lips parted they were met with his own. He kissed me gently, softly. He kissed me as if he were afraid I'd either shatter in his hands or disappear into a handful of glitter in the wind. Our kiss was steady; we took our time. We lost ourselves and were in no hurry to find our way back. The heat I felt this time was gradual. It made my toes curl and my cheeks flush, it spread through me, evenly, thickly. I looked up at him and wanted more than anything for him to tell me why he kept looking at me like that. But I didn't need to.

"Alice, I love you." He told me simply. There was no great show, no preparation. It was just him. It was him in all his vulnerable honesty and I nearly melted with the snow beneath our feet.

"I love you too." I told him softly, but immediately.

I now recognized that flare in his eyes to be the burning of honest devotion, and it was for me. And just like that, he confessed his love for me. We stood in our own winter Wonderland, in the middle of the night, our breath swirled around our faces in the chill and I felt my eyes fill up and spill over. We were wrapped around each other, and we were each other's. I, his and he, mine.

When we got back to the apartment I headed to the sofa-bed but he grasped my wrist and spun me to face him. He linked our fingers and gazed at me with adoration and uncertainty dancing in his eyes.

"No…Alice, stay with me…please…" He pleaded. I let him lead me to his room, the room that I'd only ever been in a handful of times and never in a situation quite like this.

He kissed me with that same soft, building passion. He made me near dizzy and I gasped for breath. I could die kissing him, and die happy. His hands gripped my hips and tugged me forward and I was lost to him. I tingled all over; every nerve ending in my body was sparked alive. He was everywhere at once but never where I needed him. He gave me all I could take and it wasn't enough. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't speak. I made feeble sounds, embarrassingly loud and never making sense. I was overloading on feeling. He was everywhere, he was everything. He was all there ever would be. Our skin brushed and slapped, our breaths mingled and gasped off. Our movements became frenzied and sloppy and our kisses hurried and messy. I clung to everything and nothing. I was floating in space and plummeting from a great height. I was balancing precariously and just when I couldn't possibly take anymore, I let go.

I was blind to the world for a long moment, consumed by the flashes in my mind. I panted for breath and as my heart rate returned to normal and I returned to my body, for the first time in my life I felt complete.

I nearly cried I was so happy. But it wasn't just happiness, I was relieved, I was tired, I was excited and I was at peace. Jasper always made me feel so much more than I thought I could take and I always ended up surprising myself.

He rolled away from me but quickly gathered me against his side. I trailed lazy patterns across his abdomen with my fingertips as I watched his chest rise and fall. His one hand was splayed across the small of my back as I lay against him and for once my mind was utterly blank. I began counting his breaths and soon enough, I was taken over by sleep.

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><p><em><strong>Review please and thank you. This is my New Year update since I'm going on holiday tomorrow. So, I'll see you guys in 2012! <strong>_


	24. Chapter 24

First of all, Happy New Year; maybe it's just the mindset of an artist but I made it my New Year's resolution to see beauty in everything and never be at a loss for inspiration. I went on a cruise over New Year and in a bid to try out my resolution and as an excuse to try out a new writing style I did little experimental paragraphs describing different places or happenings from my cruise. I'll be posting one at the each chapter update and would appreciate feedback. What was your resolution?

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><p><em>"I wanna break every clock, the hands of time could never move again. We could stay in this moment, stay in this moment for the rest of our lives. Is it over now, hey, is it over now? I wanna be your last, first kiss that you'll ever have. I wanna be your last, first kiss."<em>

_"I wanna be your last, first love. Lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide. I wanna be your last, first kiss, for all time."_

_– 'Inevitable' – Anberlin._

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

I couldn't sleep - not a wink. I should've been exhausted as a result of the emotional rollercoaster and self-discovering journey my Christmas day had turned into. But, I simply couldn't sleep. Maybe it was due to the fact I didn't want to leave the moment I was happily basking in. Everything seemed to finally be at peace, everything just felt _right_. I glanced down at Alice who was snuggled and sleeping against my chest, her naked body curving to the contours of my own. I absently played with her cropped hair, I wondered again why she'd cut it that way. I listened to her slow breathing and soft, incoherent mumbling as she slept. I smiled as I placed a kiss to her head. She loved me. She _loved _me.

It was only in the darkness and silence of the night with nothing but my own thoughts to occupy me, did I make the realization that I hadn't given Alice her Christmas present. I mentally chided myself before accepting that I hadn't really gotten the chance. I couldn't believe I'd nearly lost her. Ice-cold dread pierced me as I contemplated what I would've done if I hadn't been able to find her. How far would I have searched? How long before I gave in and went to see my family, alone? Would I get over it? No. Definitely not.

I would have travelled on foot along every promising path I found, just in case she'd found it too. I would have kept searching until the following Christmas, and the one after that and so on. I would have wept and raged and hated myself, and hated everything else entirely, before I would have been ready to give up, because to give up would be to let her go. And that's exactly what I'd vowed I wouldn't do. Why? Because I love her. That would be my reason for everything, for the rest of my life.

I wondered exactly when the moment had occurred that I'd fallen in love with her. I knew that my realization had not been ideal but somewhere in my mind I'd known that I loved her before then. When had that happened? Maybe it was that first morning I woke up to her smiling shyly at me, maybe it was that first afternoon that I came home from work to find her there waiting for me, maybe it was the first time I'd taken her to meet my parents and she'd stammered and blushed and been overwhelmed by my mother's automatic adoration for her, maybe it wasn't a specific event or date at all. Maybe, day by day everything she did or said made my fondness for her grow until it encompassed all I was. It was her, and only her, completely.

Light started to filter in through the blinds and I was rather surprised I'd stayed up all night. Alice stirred beside me and I let my fingertips trail down the expanse of her back. Her eye-lids fluttered adorably before she peered up at me. When she saw me watching her she blushed and smiled shyly. I chuckled and kissed her temple before turning slightly to face her better.

"Good morning." I murmured.

"Morning." she whispered timidly.

She shifted uncomfortably and her eyes swept over my face, filled with insecurity and nervousness. I got the impression that she was still unsure of her hold on me. I cupped her face in my palm and tilted her head to make her look at me.

"I love you." I reminded her softly, to reassure her that everything I'd said and done had been real.

"I love you, too." she murmured.

We smiled stupidly at each other for a long moment before her stomach gave a lady-like growl. I chuckled.

"Breakfast?" I suggested; she nodded enthusiastically.

We had a quick wash to freshen-up and we brushed our teeth before I threw on my jeans and Alice dressed in her panties and a T-shirt of mine that she'd found. I smirked at her as she reached up to wrap her arms around my neck. I lifted her effortlessly to carry her to the kitchen where I sat her on the counter-top. She squirmed as the cold surface came into contact with her bare thighs but soon got comfortable.

I made us a quick breakfast of toast and tea and once we were done Alice danced off to get dressed. When she came back she was wearing a simple T-shirt and some skinny jeans and she came straight into my arms and wrapped her own around me. I was glad to see that her earlier hesitancy had disappeared. I couldn't bear to let her out of my sight for longer than strictly necessary, I felt the need to have her as close to me as physically possible. It just seemed a little unreal to me. Everything had happened so fast that my sleep-deprived mind was finding it hard to keep up and I was in an almost dream-like trance. I constantly needed to reassure myself that it was all really happening.

We were sat watching a movie, Alice was perched side-ways in my lap and she was playing with my hair. I kissed her jaw and she glanced at me. She kissed me gently for a moment before pulling back slightly; she seemed to be studying me for a minute.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"You look tired." she told me gently, her eyes filled with concern as she absently brushed the pad of her thumb over the circles under my eyes.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Couldn't sleep." I murmured.

She pouted at me, her eyes still holding concern for me. I just stared straight back at her until she huffed slightly and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Do you want your Christmas present? Better late than never, right?" I asked softly.

Alice's entire face lit up, she smiled so brightly I was frozen, stunned for a few seconds. She jumped off my lap so I could go and get it and was practically bouncing on the spot when I re-entered the room. I handed the package over to her and she tore at the paper frantically but became completely still as she uncovered the journal. It was thick and leather-bound, it had her name etched on the front in silver cursive and she stared at it as her fingertips ran over the smooth, black leather cover. Wordlessly she flipped to the first page. I heard her gasp as she took in what I'd done for her. The journal was high quality with thick canvas paper, sturdy and strong. I'd taken the liberty of tainting the crisp white of the first page. I'd decorated the outer edges and bordered the paper with delicate swirling patterns of wild vegetation and exotic flowers. I knew that Alice loved my art work, and I thought that adding my own personal touch to the book would complete the already perfect gift, so I'd painted it for her and within the border I'd written a simple quote which I hoped would explain to Alice why, exactly, I'd bought the journal for her.

"It's all about putting a big exclamation point at the end of your life – Gerard Way." She murmured out loud as she read it.

She looked up at me and I could see that she understood. I wanted her not to just fill the book, but to put her life in there. I wanted her to document herself, define herself. I wanted her to be able to flip through it and know exactly who she was, and what she had. Tears spilled from her eyes and she gave me a watery smile. She placed the journal on the coffee table carefully before lunging forward and giving me a tight hug. I hugged her back and kissed the top of her head.

"You like it?" I asked softly.

She nodded against my chest. She knew what I'd wanted to say by giving that to her, I thrilled at the fact that we were able to have a mutual understanding. She tugged on my hand to get me to sit back on the sofa with her.

"Thank you. I love it. I love you. Thank you." She gushed as she wiped her eyes and kissed my cheek.

She took the journal into her lap and turned to the second page. The second page was also bordered - with a less elaborate but similarly delicate floral design, and in the center two photographs were stuck securely and neatly in place. The first was a picture of Alice and I playing scrabble on the floor in my parent's sitting room. We were both laughing with our heads bowed toward the board, oblivious to my mother in the doorway with her camera. When momma had shown it to me there was no way I couldn't use it. It was taken on the first day Alice came to the family house for dinner. She'd been so nervous but momma had loved her immediately. After dinner Alice and I had played scrabble for hours, Alice had told me how it had been her favourite game when she was younger and that her mother had played scrabble with her when she was struggling with her spelling in school. Momma had told me that I'd looked so happy that she could barely believe it; she said she'd never seen me wear a smile so wide. I think Momma knew I was in love with Alice before I did; maybe I was in love with her even then, when we tried to make-up words in a bid to win, regardless of our inability to re-write the dictionary. In the photo Alice looked happy too, she seemed carefree, she fitted in completely and the warmth radiating from the memory the photo provoked was too much to ignore. The first photo of Alice's scrapbook was a photo she'd had no knowledge of.

The photo directly below it was a photo of Alice and Charlotte, they were both smiling widely and were peering up at the camera where Charlotte was holding it to get the best lighting, her one arm extended out of the frame as she took the photo. Charlotte had declared that Alice was her best friend pretty much as soon as they came back from their first day out together. I'd felt compelled to use the photo because of Alice, the way she looked in that shot was indescribable. Her big doe eyes were wide and shimmering in the light of the camera flash, their green so potent against the cream of her skin. Her eyes always drew me in; her eyes were what had convinced me to help her in the first place. In the photo, she was happy; the greens in her eyes came alive and danced. I'd only seen that look in her eyes a few times, and for Charlotte to catch it on camera was beyond what I'd hoped to find when looking for photos to start off the journal. Her eyes had been what had started our life together. I didn't have many photos of Alice, hence why I'd gone to my mother and Charlotte. And these two were my favourites of the lot, so they occupied the second page of Alice's scrapbook, the document of her new life.

She ran her fingertips over the page, the rough canvas and glossy photo prints. I waited for her to say something; she hunched over the album as she began to trace the outline of the photo of us. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking, but held my tongue. I got the feeling she just needed time to sift through her thoughts herself before sharing them with me. She traced the one photo again and again before speaking.

"We look happy." She whispered. I watched a single tear dribble down her cheek.

I reached up to wipe the moisture away and Alice's head snapped up. I cupped her chin in my hand and she looked into my eyes for a moment.

"That's what momma said." I finally replied and Alice smiled softly.

"You think she knew?" Alice wondered.

She didn't need to elaborate, I understood, and I wondered the same thing. Did my mother know what Alice and I would become? Is that why she'd been so accepting of her? Or did my mother simply see a chance that I could be happy again, regardless of the circumstances?

"Uhmm…well…you know I don't have a source of income so Charlotte got a present from both of us, but I picked it out…I don't think it's gonna be good enough now, though…" she said, shuffling nervously.

"You didn't have to get me shit, baby. But, I'm sure I'll love it no matter what." I assured her and she blushed slightly.

She nodded slightly before going into the hall closet, which I very rarely use and dragging out a chest. The chest is covered in black leather and has silver hinges and closes securely with a silver flip-lock. I smiled briefly and shook my head in disbelief as I realize our presents match. I carefully knelt in front of it and opened it up, the inside is lined with maroon velvet and the inside of the lid is detailed with a simple message.

_You could paint world destruction and it'd be beautiful. You should take more chances, Jay, or your whole life might just pass you by._

It was so typically Charlotte. I smiled wistfully and repressed a chuckle as I began to paw through the art utensils, all protected by varying black leather pouches. I had a feeling the 'chances' charlotte was referring to were actually Alice. Charlotte was a hopeless romantic and I knew from the second I mentioned Alice she'd wanted to set us up. Charlotte hadn't actually said anything to me about it though, which was unusual for her. Maybe Charlotte felt that maybe, just maybe she wouldn't have to play match-maker; we'd get there on our own. And we had done, before I'd even gotten her message.

"Thanks baby, I love it." I told Alice as I kissed her temple.

"I love you." I reminded her as she shuffled closer.

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><p><strong>Friday 30th December 2011. The view of an artist who doesn't know what to expect -<strong>

_The first night of the cruise sees me sitting at the outdoor café watching the dark water glitter in the starlight. I'm approached by a waiter named Brian, he entertains me for hours with magic tricks and mind-games, using nothing more than a handful of tooth-picks and our imaginations. I'm confused and enlightened, entertained and impressed. His talent and care-free nature are refreshing and I enjoy his company. He buys me a drink and we joke as I sip my tequila sunrise. He is the first waiter I've ever been on first-name-basis with._


	25. Chapter 25

"And if all the flowers faded away, and if all the storm clouds decided to stay, then you would find me each hour the same. She is tomorrow and I am today. If right is leaving, I'd rather be wrong. She is the sunlight when the sun is gone. If loving her is heartache for me, and if holding her means that I have to bleed, then I am the martyr and love is to blame. She is the healing and I am the pain." – 'She is the sunlight' – Trading Yesterday.

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

One month. 4 weeks. 28 days. That was all the time it'd taken for her to enlighten me, heal me, complete me, consume me and let me do, for her, the same.

From an outside perspective one little month was probably not an acceptable amount of time to have known each other to be at the stage we were at. But, it didn't matter much what anybody else had to say, because what I'd gone through since meeting Alice had made me see the world with a whole new clarity. I was a different person than who I was when I'd found her. We'd met at our worst and we'd both been in ruins. But from the ashes of the person I'd been had risen a whole new Jasper.

I had more confidence in myself; I had learnt from my mistakes and had learnt that sometimes you simply have to let some things, some people, go. I had more pride in my own life; I valued everything I had so much higher than before. I'd grown up.

If I was being honest with myself, my reasoning for taking Alice in was a little bit tainted. I'd been down-right depressed, scuffing my feet with my head down. My thoughts were in chaos; Maria had screamed at me, she screamed at me a lot, but that night when she screamed at me I swear her words were laced with hatred. I couldn't deal with that. The woman I'd spent 6 years completely in love with had screeched in my face. Even after our relationship had fallen apart I'd continued to aid her in her struggle to stay sober. I hoped, somewhat naively, that when she stopped drinking we could become again what we once were.

"_You can't '__**fix'**__ me Jasper! I'm sorry if I'm not what __**you**__ want but it's not __**my**__ problem! I don't need you! I don't want your help!" _

Her words cut me again and again, I usually managed to keep my composure with a mantra of 'it's only the drink talking. It's only the drink talking.' But no matter what Maria had said during her alcoholism, no matter how bad it got, she'd never said anything deliberately to hurt me. She hardly ever attacked me, verbally or otherwise. And when she did, it would take only seconds for her to fall to the floor and start sobbing all over me and begging for forgiveness, which I would give her. But that night after she'd raged at me and told me my comfort was unappreciated, I'd waited for her grovelling apology and tried to ignore the immense pain brought on by the hatred in her words but she just continued to stare me down, a fire in her eyes that could flay any man alive.

It had hurt. It had burned. It had ached.

If I wasn't with Maria, where was I supposed to be? If I couldn't look after her, what was I good for? I'd had fights with my family because of her. I'd do anything for her.

So, I walked home, dejected. Every step I took was taking me further away from her. But against my better judgement, I didn't turn back. And when I turned into that alleyway and saw Alice curled up, shaking in terror and hiding from the world, I'd felt a flicker in my chest. My heart went out to the girl I didn't yet know because I pitied her. That was my initial reaction, I pitied that she was alone in the dark, shaking. I wanted to help her somehow. When she looked up at me I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Her eyes were wide and filled with pain. I could see all over her face that she was in so much pain, and her agony could be broken down into millions of little things that had hurt her. She was desolate. But the part that affected me the most, she was scared.

She _feared_ me. I had never been feared by a woman in my life. I would never hurt a lady. And the fact that she'd automatically been terrified by me made me realise just how little she trusted. Then I had another flicker in my chest, this one radiated warmth for the girl on the ground. I knew that I had to help her; she gave me hope that I could be good for something, that maybe somebody would appreciate my aid after all.

I glanced over at Alice whose eyes were trained on the TV, a small smile graced her lips and I couldn't resist the urge to touch her. I placed my hand on her thigh softly and she turned to smile at me before returning her attention to the TV.

In one month I'd been heartbroken, empty, worthless, hopeful, useful, apprehensive, nervous, and in love. I was in love again. It took one moth for my heart to be shattered and built up again, bursting with a love anew. I still knew next to nothing about her, but I loved her all the same. I knew enough, and that was enough for me. And the miracle was, she loved me too. She appreciated each and every little thing I did for her. She was overwhelmed by the lengths I'd gone to, to make her happy. But, it made me feel better; it made me feel like I had a purpose. Every single time she thanked me I wanted to tell her that she was the one to thank, because I didn't know what would've happened to me if I hadn't found her that night. I was in such a dark place. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want anybody's pity. But, as if by an act of God, I found an angel in an alleyway. And what was the first thing I did? Pity her.

She didn't know me. She couldn't judge me. She needed me. And I pitied her when that was the one thing I didn't want for myself. So, maybe my original reasoning for taking Alice in wasn't as selfless as I'd like to recall, but it worked out for the best.

I wanted to explain it all to Alice, but I didn't want her to know that I'd pitied her. Alice didn't trust easily and still didn't trust me completely and I was terrified that if I admitted why I'd originally helped her then she'd think that I didn't love her, that it'd all been for my own gain.

But, when I'd brought her home and she'd smiled at me. God, the first time she smiled at me. I wanted her to smile all the time. And then was the first time I realised that I wanted her to be happy. And it built on from there until I had nothing but her best intentions at heart. I'd been so filled with despair the night I'd found her that I never contemplated finding love again. But there she was, just when I needed her. Alice would have anyone believe that I'm some sort of martyr. I'm far from it, she's saved me so much without even realising.

I did love her. Wholly and completely, I loved her. I didn't ever want to give her any reason to doubt that. I loved her strength. I loved her knack for self-preservation. I loved her untameable hair and quirky smile. I loved her bright blush and twinkling eyes. I loved her sense of humour. I loved how easily embarrassed she was. I loved how completely comfortable I felt with her. I loved how all my friends and family loved her. I just loved her. It was crazy to be that in love with someone. I knew she'd never intentionally hurt me. And I was terrified about losing her. She'd healed me and built me up again. She'd soothed me with her presence and made me whole again, her hopes, dreams and talents were all ingrained within me as I wished relentlessly that she get everything she'd ever wanted. She was a part of me. And if I were to be heartbroken again, I would be irreparable, because there'd be a piece missing.

"What you thinkin' about?" she asked softly as she smiled at me.

I pulled her into my lap until she straddled me. Her fingers quickly wove into my hair and my hands found purchase on her hips.

"You." I mumbled a little shyly.

She bit her lip to try and hide the massive grin on her beautiful face. Her cheeks flushed scarlet as she gazed at me.

"Really?" she murmured timidly.

I placed my lips to hers softly and hummed in the affirmative against them. Her hold on my hair got a little tighter as I tugged her closer to me. Her lips parted for me as I deepened our kiss and Alice was just as enthusiastic. A loud knocking on the door forced us apart. I pecked her lips again softly as she pouted at me. She climbed off my lap so I could answer the door.

The second I unlocked it the door came crashing open. Charlotte came storming in with an apologetic looking Peter trailing behind. Charlotte speeded into the living room and crushed Alice in a tight hug as she rambled again and again about how worried she was. Charlotte was nearly in tears as she gushed to Alice about how happy she was to see her.

"I'm sorry to worry you. I shouldn't have run off like that." Alice mumbled to the floor, I could practically feel the guilt emanating from her.

No matter how much I love Charlotte I wanted her to shut up and shut up fast. I didn't want Alice feeling guilty over something that wasn't her fault. I'd caused her pain and so she'd run away because she hadn't wanted to deal with it, I could understand that.

Alice met my eye hesitantly and I tried to express to her that she shouldn't feel bad. She tried to smile at me but it faltered. This entire interaction was done over Charlotte's shoulder as she still had tight hold of Alice. When Charlotte finally pulled from the hug she held Alice at arm's length, examining her. I raised an eyebrow and heard Peter chuckle.

"You're lucky I managed to hold her this long. She wanted to rush over here the second you found Alice." Peter explained causing me to groan.

Like I said, I loved Charlotte but she could be so frustrating sometimes. I knew that she loved Alice, too. But it should have been obvious that Alice and I needed time to talk things through before we could face anyone else.

"You seem different." Charlotte said to Alice, catching my attention.

Alice tilted her head to once side in confusion, a silent request for explanation. Charlotte tugged on my arm to get me to stand beside Alice. The entire one side of my body tingled and my fingers twitched with the desire to touch her. I wondered if Alice felt the same pull with our close proximity. Charlotte studied us for a moment as Peter leant against the back wall with a slightly amused smirk on his face. I think Charlotte could tell that something had changed between Alice and me. I would have blurted it out to both her and Peter the second I could but I just wanted to see if they'd guess. I was in no way ashamed of the developments in our relationship. I wanted everyone to know that I loved Alice. But, it was a little amusing to watch Charlotte as she observed us. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she continued her scrutiny, she looked at us like we were the few empty squares left on her crossword puzzle and the answer continued to elude her.

My body hummed with its proximity to Alice. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her. Without seeming to think about it I reached for her hand. Our fingers linked and a stupidly goofy grin crossed my face. I looked over to see Alice smiling shyly, her blush prominent.

Charlotte's eyes dropped to our clasped hands before she gave a high-pitched, gleeful screech. Alice, Peter and I all winced at the sound before Charlotte threw herself back into my girlfriend's arms.

_My girlfriend…_I smiled to myself.

Peter walked over to me as Charlotte babbled on about how great it was and how she'd known it would happen. Peter chuckled as we watched them. Alice was patting Charlotte's back a little awkwardly as Charlotte squeezed her so tight I'm surprised she could breathe. Peter hadn't really voiced his opinions on Alice to me, but to be fair I'd never really asked.

"Are you happy?" he asked me quietly.

"Very." I answered immediately.

"Good. She's good for you, Jay. And I like her, she's a survivor." He added. I smirked at him.

"Jay!" Charlotte screeched as she launched herself at me. It took me a minute to steady myself from her attack and I returned her embrace. I glanced at Alice over the top of Charlotte's head; she was stood smiling softly at us.

'I love you.' I mouthed to her, causing her to blush furiously.

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><p><strong>Gran Canaria. Saturday 31st December 2011. The view of an artist from an open-top bus –<strong>

It is a concrete jungle of crumbling ruin, splashed with a paint of every colour so it appears a little more alive. Graffiti takes up full walls and sides of houses, vibrant colours and swirling designs decorating decaying bricks. Withered vegetation peeps from every crevice as structures old and new occupy the same space to create the one whole – its timeless culture at odds with its modern littering. Untameable. Beautiful.


	26. Chapter 26

_Dudes, like, really? Literally the ONLY reason I'm updating is because my art course in college has started a new project that we've yet to really work on. I've been starved for creativity and needed to do something to fill the void. I very rarely write for myself, I like knowing that people appreciate what I present to them, whether that is in my writing, sketching, painting or singing. Singing is the only one I do for purely my own pleasure, but it stills helps knowing other people are inspired by or at least like it. I like being inspirational, and I love being inspired. It's a two-way street. How can I continue when I'm getting zilch from it? Reviews are inspiring in more ways than one, I like having people tell me what I did wrong, what I did too little or too much of. I like people telling me their favourite part. I like knowing that I've caused a reaction in someone! I love each and every reaction I've gotten and every person to share it with me, because I know that I made them feel something. I thrive on that. I can't continue without it. I got two reviews for my last chapter. TWO._

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><p><em>It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope, which then turned into a quiet thought, which then grew into a quiet word. And then that word grew louder and louder, until it was a battle cry. I'll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye. Just because everything's changing, doesn't mean it's never been this way before – 'The Call' – Regina Spektor.<em>

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

After Charlotte had calmed down from her fit of excitement and wiped the happy tears from her eyes everything became a little awkward. I had been so blissfully happy in my little bubble with Alice since the developments in our relationship that I hadn't brought myself to address the underlying issues. I knew they were weighing down on us but the right time would never present itself and so it was simply a matter of waiting until we were alone. But, I didn't want Peter and Charlotte to go. Their reactions to my change in relationship status made me optimistic about telling my family.

Alice came to stand beside me and slipped her hand into mine, linking our fingers securely. She glanced at Charlotte and quickly glanced away again and I knew something was bothering her. I looked up to see if Charlotte had noticed, and apparently she had. Charlotte's head was tilted to one side slightly as she appraised Alice; we both knew that Alice would tell us in her own time. She was more care-free and openly trusting now but she still lacked confidence and often feared that her opinions wouldn't be taken into consideration, or that her words would be silenced. It was easier for us to wait for Alice to realise we wanted her to speak rather than try to coax the words out of her or rush her at all. Almost timidly, Alice glanced to Charlotte again, this time holding her gaze.

"I hope you didn't spend your entire Christmas worrying about me…" She mumbled, I could feel the guilt emanating from her as she waited for Charlotte or Peter to respond.

"Well, it was still pretty early when Jay let us know that he'd found you. We knew you'd be alright with him so we were able to get back into our normal routine…" Peter offered after a heavy silence.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna lie and say we weren't worried, but we knew everything would be okay…" Charlotte reassured.

Alice nodded, mostly to herself before offering them both a shy smile and I squeezed her hand. Peter and Charlotte exchanged a few looks that I couldn't quite decipher, there was a sparkle in Charlotte's eyes I couldn't identify and just the ghost of a smile on Peter's lips, much more tender than any smile I'd seen him wear.

"What's going on?" I couldn't stop myself from blurting.

Charlotte's face flushed immediately and Peter's new smile became more pronounced as he took her hand. He met my gaze evenly not hiding or explaining the matching expressions they wore. They were glowing; they were intense but so unbelievably gentle.

"Charlotte gave me the best Christmas present in the world." Peter stated and when he glanced down at her. I knew.

I knew a split second before they said it and I could feel the shit-eating grin spreading itself across my face.

"We're having a baby." Charlotte announced, beaming with pride.

"Congratulations!" I said immediately, stepping forward to embrace them both. Alice was behind me and stepped forward to hug Charlotte as soon as she was free from my arms.

I shook hands with Peter and I could see how happy he was. We'd never discussed the possibility of either of us wanting children. I'd thought about it a lot personally. I'd had a long-lasting relationship with Maria and I was completely devoted to my neice so it was natural for me to think of starting a family. But, for Peter it was different. Charlotte was everything to him. He and his parents had never been close; they weren't bad people, they just saw the world in different ways. Peter had established himself in his own life and when he'd met Charlotte he'd adjusted to incorporate her. I never imagined he'd want children. But seeing the look on his face as I congratulated him told me that he'd considered it, and wanted it. I knew Peter would make a great father.

Peter was strong-willed and patient; he was the wise one, with endless advice and a sharp-tongue. He was defensive of those he loved and determined with everything he set his mind to. He would be a great father, with perfect guidance. Charlotte was passionate about everything. She was like a modern day hippy; she saw everything, though flawed, as beautiful. And she defined it in poetry. She was a believer in equality. Charlotte had so much clarity. She saw to the heart of things, no matter how grim times got. The clarity with which she perceived the world was enough for her to appreciate and embrace every moment that came along, no matter how fleeting. If their child could grow up with Charlotte's clarity and Peter's guidance, I knew their baby's life would be more than full.

I saw my two best friends in a different light after hearing their news. They had something else to build upon, another purpose, it completed them. And until they'd announced the pregnancy, I'd _never_ considered them to not be whole. But now that I'd envisioned it, I couldn't imagine them without a child to love.

Charlotte broke me from my reverie as she beamed up at me.

"Ready to be Uncle Jay, for the second time around?" She teased.

I smiled fondly. I loved being an uncle. During the darker times of my life over the past few years, Jessie had been my only purpose. There were still times when being her uncle was all that I knew how to do. Charlotte knew how much caring for Jessie went to me. And Charlotte was trying to ensure me that she wanted me to be a part of her child's life as well. But the teasing way in which she'd breached the subject meant that she didn't want to go into the heavy stuff. She knew that caring for Jessie kept me sane sometimes. I wanted to ensure her that I would love her child like it was my very own niece or nephew. Peter was the brother I'd never had.

"More than ready." I grinned at her.

Alice had been more or less silent, other than congratulating Charlotte. I had to remind myself that Alice had only recently been brought into this family we had and sometimes she didn't know where she stood. I knew her hesitance was well-founded but it often slipped my mind. Because, for me, it felt like she'd always been there. It was a strange realisation. As if she was meant to be with me long before I knew of her existence. I'd accepted her completely and even though her past experiences caused her to be cautious there really was no need for her to be. I sauntered over to take her hand and she gave me a tiny smile. I tugged her to me and held her close, she sighed contentedly.

Shortly after that, we said our goodbyes to Peter and Charlotte and promised to make plans for New Year. Alice and I snuggled watching movies before heading to our bedroom. Alice was no longer hesitant, which made me remarkably happy. She was bolder, more independent and more open when it was just the two of us. Every time she touched me it was heated, electrifying. It rippled across my body causing my muscles to twitch and my skin to rise in goose bumps. She grinned wickedly down at me from her position of straddling my waist. She knew what she did to me and by her triumphant little giggles; I'd guess she liked it. She was so different from the frightened girl I'd found. Her eyes no longer held desolation. They held desire. She was no longer frozen. She was on fire. She was no longer lonely. She was mine.

When we finally collapsed in exhaustion in the wee hours of the morning and I struggled for breath, I felt oddly peaceful. It felt right. Alice snuggled against my side and I fell into a dreamless sleep, which was disturbed by the shrill ringing off the doorbell.

"Who the fuck?" I growled in frustration from both the interruption and the lack of sleep. Judging by the light it was morning.

Alice just giggled at me and I scowled in her general direction until my sleepy eyes finally pulled her into focus. She bit into her bottom lip and glanced at me from under her lashes, nothing but a thin bed sheet separating her skin from mine. The bell rang again.

I huffed as I threw myself back down into the bed. Alice giggled again. After the fourth time, I decided I'd have to get rid of them myself. I pulled on some boxers and groggily made my way over to the door. When I yanked it open I was more than a little surprised to see my mother's beaming face.

"About time! Now go get dressed and meet me downstairs in 5! Go on!" she ordered excitedly before vanishing.

I stood in the doorway for a second or two confused by her actions and request. She very rarely visited the apartment. She considered it to be to compact for he liking and she would much rather have the entire family get together at her house, it made her feel like we'd never left. I made the realisation that I was stood with the door open in just my underwear and promptly closed the door and made my way back to Alice.

"Who was it?" Alice asked softly, still swaddled in my sheets.

"Momma. She wants me downstairs, now." I explained, rolling my eyes at my mother's apparent urgency.

Alice got up to get dressed and I couldn't stop myself from watching her. I was slightly worried she'd think I was being creepy but she just smirked at me over her shoulder. I rolled my eyes again. After we were both decent we headed out. Alice wasn't exactly distant, but she was different and it took me a while to remember my mother didn't know about us.

The second we got to the ground floor Momma grabbed hold of my jacket sleeve and tugged me towards the door, I raised my eyebrow in question and she smiled widely.

"Late Christmas present." She explained.

When we got outside, all the air left my lungs. I tried to find words to thank her but nothing seemed enough. It was the last thing I'd expected. There, sat on the side of the road, was a car. Not anything fancy, just a little Ford. But it had a baby blue ribbon atop its dark blue bonnet and I hadn't had a car in so long that the necessity won out over my desire to save up to get a car of my choosing.

I lunged forward to hug my mother in thank you. She hugged me back just as tightly.

"Why didn't you give it to me on Christmas day?" I asked curiously.

"Because I know you, and I know there was something going on inside that head of yours. You wouldn't have appreciated it as much." She teased with a wink.

I knew she was joking of course. But I knew my mother; I knew why she'd done it. She'd sensed that something wasn't quite right with me and taken an educated guess that it had something to do with Alice. So instead of giving me the car on Christmas day for me to drive home in, she'd waited until now so that Alice and I had, had to walk back from her house after spending Christmas with the family, giving us the alone time needed to talk it through. What my mother didn't know of course, was the fact that the walk home had provided me with the perfect opportunity to finally tell Alice that I was in love with her. My mother had no idea just how much she'd given me with her gesture.

I also realised that with every day Maria was fading further away into a vacant memory. My lack of a car was a result of Maria, and now that I did, in fact, own a car, it was another reminder of Maria that I'd lost. I couldn't bring myself to be all that bothered by it. I glanced at Alice who had a small smile on her face as she watched my mother and me.

I wanted to tell everyone about my relationship with Alice. I wanted them all to know that I loved her so much it consumed me. I was just about to reach for Alice's hand when a horn honked loudly and Rosalie's BMW pulled up, with an excited looking Jessie jumping out to run to me.

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><p><strong>Gran Canaria. Saturday 31<strong>**st**** December 2011.**

**The view of an artist from a sunbathed promenade –**

_Holiday-makers and locals alike gather to experience a part of the city that is full alive. Magnificent sand sculptures are crafted by skilled hands and are just a portion of the artistic mindset that's bled through the throng of speedos and tanning oil. A Native American strums his guitar in both of both entertaining and thriving in the way of life he's chosen. A Christmas tree stands tall, decorated by thousands of tiny, red cards, and on them are scrawled the wishes of many. A pathway lined with palm trees on each side leads the way to more and more discovery._


	27. Chapter 27

So, It's been a while. Well, my hiatus started when I was ill for 2 weeks straight. Then, it was my birthday on the 8th of February, and I went to a club, made-out with people I didn't know and threw up inside a phone box. I also went to 2 house parties that same week. So, I spend that whole week either incredibly drunk or dying of hangover. And I meant to write sooner, but I'm lazy, and lack inspiration.

I have an idea for a new story; so, keep your eyes peeled for that!

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><p>"I can't find the best in all of this, but I'm always looking out for you, 'cause you're the one I miss. And it's driving me crazy." – 'After Midnight' – Blink 182.<p>

(Music video has Valorie Curry in it, the actress who's playing Charlotte.)

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

I swept Jessie up and Rosalie sauntered over to us. She smiled at me briefly and refused to acknowledge Alice whatsoever. A flicker of annoyance passed through me and I managed to keep my expression neutral.

"I called Rosalie to take me home, because I drove your present here." Momma explained.

"And Jessie didn't wanna miss the chance to see her favourite uncle." Rosalie teased, causing Jessie to giggle.

I smiled at her before turning slightly to look at Alice. She was stood with her eyes to the ground. I wanted to hold her hand. I didn't want to keep secrets from my family. And I knew Rosalie couldn't flip out with momma there.

I placed Jessie back down on her feet and she went to stand with momma, I reached back to twine my fingers with Alice's and I tugged her forward to stand with me.

She blushed furiously and kept her eyes on her feet. I placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and I heard momma gasp and turned to see the huge smile on her face. I looked to Rosalie and could practically feel the fury rolling off of her. Her eyes were ablaze as she glared down at Alice.

I loved my sister immensely but she was really starting to piss me off. Alice had done nothing wrong by her.

"Jasper." Rosalie growled and inclined her head toward her car.

I turned to Alice to give her an encouraging smile before following Rose. When we got to her car, she leant against it and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Just say it, Rose." I broke the silence, sighing heavily.

"You just don't get it to you? You don't understand." She started, and I swear I heard pain in her voice.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, bewildered.

"Maria," she spat. "That's where it started, you gave yourself to that bitch and the rest of us lost you. You're my brother, Jazz, my _twin_ brother. I felt like I couldn't talk to you. Every single time she hurt you, you'd just go running back for more. Your family's opinion didn't matter, _I_ didn't matter." Her voice faded off slightly and I got the impression that she wished she could be mad at me, but couldn't.

"You weren't yourself when you were with her. We all lost you. The only one of us who could reach you was Jessie." She screamed. "You're her idol, Jazz. She looks at you like you put the sun in the sky. And you used to be that for me! Before Maria, before this mess and before Alice! You can't keep shutting me out! I need you!" I watched as a single tear slid down her cheek, her screeching had turned into sobs.

"Rose…" I whispered. I stepped forward to wrap my arms around her.

"Rose, I'm sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen. But Alice isn't Maria, and I love her. She loves me. Everything's gonna be okay." I murmured.

She pulled back to look at me and wiped her eyes. "Promise?"

"Promise." I told her.

"Jessie, come on!" Rosalie called as I made my way back to Alice.

"I'll see you soon." Momma told me as she passed, with Jessie's hand in her own.

We watched them speed off before Alice spoke, she twined our fingers together and smiled at me.

"Esme said she's happy for us."

I smirked down at her. I kissed from her temple down to her chin and she giggled at me.

"Did she now?" I teased.

"mmm-hmmmm." She hummed against my lips as she pressed her mouth to mine.

Okay, sorry for the delay, and my extreme laziness. So, inspire me, keep me going. Reviews are love.

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><p><em><strong>New year's eve.<strong>_

_**The view of an artist with a glass in one hand.**_

_Dinner is an event in itself. The elderly relish their hidden youth as they sing into cardboard party hats, their drunken minds telling them that they're super stars – and for the night they are, as are we all. The stand-up comedian plays off of the excitement of the masses and crams far too many innuendos into a half-hour set. Alcohol flows relentlessly and the taste of tequila is potent on my tongue, with a flick of the wrist another beverage is selected at random and the fresh glass is soon drained to make room for another. The kitchen-staff file out like ants about their nest, bashing cutlery to pans in sign of cheer as my laddered tights stick to the booze-layered floor in my desperate attempt to get to the top deck in time for the firework show. I approach a guy at random – Liverpuddlian I assume from the accent – I ask to view his tattoos and he complies and buys me a drink, I tell him they're sexy and I'll see him around. I won't remember the count-down; I'll be kissing the toilet seat._


	28. Chapter 28

"**Even though she doesn't believe in love**

**He's determined to call her bluff**

**Who could deny these butterflies?**

**They're filling his gut."**

**Remembering Sunday – All Time Low.**

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><p><em><strong>JPOV<strong>_

I ran my fingers through Alice's chopped hair, it had grown a few inches since she'd started living with me and she'd filled out considerably, the curves I'd always pictured her having had fleshed out and she was even more beautiful than I imagined she would be now that she was healthy again.

She sighed contentedly as she snuggled deeper into my side, our bare, hot skin keeping constant contact even after we finished being intimate. I don't know how long we lay together, just basking in our own little bubble of happiness. I felt her breath fan across my chest and I shivered.

Alice always made me feel like a love-sick, teenage girl. She made me appreciate everything and she could affect me in ways no one ever had before.

"Why did you have it cut like that?" I asked her quietly, almost fearing that too loud a noise could break our perfect moment.

She knew I was referring to her hair as I still ran my fingers through it, I wondered if she knew how long that question had been swimming in my head.

I felt her shrug and place a kiss to my chest before she rose slightly, holding herself up onto her elbow and causing my arm to fall behind her, my hand landing at the small of her back.

She looked into my eyes and smiled softly.

"It was just easier. When I was out on the street, having my hair shorter meant it was more manageable, wasn't as noticeably dirty. I suppose it was just one less thing to worry about." She shrugged again.

I pulled her back down into my side and placed a kiss to her head.

I tried to imagine Alice with longer hair; I wrinkled my nose in distaste. No matter what I pictured it just didn't seem to suit her. Maybe it was because I hadn't ever seen her with long hair but I just didn't like it.

I liked Alice's hair short, untameable. It was cute.

"You think we'll ever get up?" she asked, teasingly, obviously referring to the fact we were still led in bed, the sheets barely covering us and it was long passed midday.

"Mmmm, I hope not." I murmured before I kissed from her temple to just below her ear.

She giggled adorably and I smiled against the skin of her neck as I began to nibble on it.

"Jazzy…" she whined in a feeble attempt to get me to stop.

She didn't want my family or friends seeing any marks because she thought it made her look cheap, as if we were only together for the sex or something.

But I kept telling her that I loved her and I liked marking her as mine, and I knew she liked it too.

I continued my teasingly slow work on her neck and only pulled away when I was satisfied with my accomplishment.

She began trailing her lips down my chest in random places sometimes chaste pecks and sometimes sloppy open-mouthed kisses. My breathed hitched. My phone rang, I groaned and Alice just giggled.

_Man, I love that giggle._

I picked up the phone just as Alice placed a sloppy kiss at my navel and then ran her silky lips down my treasure trail.

"What?" I asked into the phone, not bothering with pleasantries and praying it wasn't my mother.

Alice just giggled again, but fortunately, or unfortunately, however you look at it, refrained from moving any lower.

"Thanks, Jay." Peter responded dryly.

I sighed.

"Sorry, Pete. What was it you wanted?" I asked.

Alice seemed a little bolder now that she knew it was just Peter on the other end of the phone. She began placing chaste pecks in a line from one hip to the other, and then she followed the same line with steamier kisses. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from groaning into the phone.

"Alice." I hissed.

She smirked at me and then lowered her head; I could feel her breath across the one part of me that needed her the most and I needed to get Peter off the phone._ Right. The fuck. Now._

I hastily agreed to go over to Peter's the following evening for a new year's party and then hung up on him quickly. I hauled Alice up by her shoulders and flipped us so she was under me.

"You are in _so much trouble_." I warned her.

She giggled but it turned to a squeal as I claimed her.

We didn't actually leave the bedroom until nearly 5 in the afternoon, and Alice lay across the sofa flipping through TV channels while I sat on the floor in front of her and did some sketching.

I heard her yawn rather loudly in my ear causing me to chuckle. I glanced over my shoulder at her.

"You tired, baby?" I teased.

She nodded meekly.

"I can't imagine why, we barely got out of bed an hour ago."

"In bed doesn't always mean rest though does it?" she sassed back.

I chuckled again and turned slightly to peck her lips. I pressed my forehead against hers and she smiled at me.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep?" I suggested.

"I think I'm gonna have a shower then change into comfy clothes." She decided.

"Okay, you want me to order some food?" I offered.

"You can order if you want, Jazzy. I'm not hungry."

"Okay, baby." I murmured and watched as she made her way to the bathroom.

I smiled as I turned back to my sketchbook. Every single time I attempted to draw Alice it was god-awful, it paled ridiculously in comparison to her beauty. I could never, ever get it right. So, I'd resorted to drawing her features individually. I stared down at the page, where the near perfect pencil rendition of Alice's lips stared back at me.

Her perfect pouty lips, the bottom one slightly fuller with one simple, little freckle in its dead-centre, the top made up of two tiny, perfect curves. But still, it wasn't right. I knew explicitly the way those lips felt, like silk that left a fire in its wake. So warm, so firm. I knew those lips with every fibre of my being. My sketch was nothing compared to that knowledge. Her lips were the sweetest of all of what I'd tasted. Her lips were in a constant natural pout that made me want to part them with my own. Her lips were so soft and smooth; they practically glided over my skin whenever we were intimate. How could my pencil capture that in one simple sketch? What did I need to do to have those little facts scream from my artwork? Why did my inspiration have to be so exceptionally beautiful?

Just as I thought of my muse, she appeared. She had a towel wrapped around her head, but her body was bare to my eyes, she'd dried off in the bathroom and not bothered to cover herself with a robe or towel. I loved the confidence she had around me. She was always adorably shy and all blushes and stammers around other people. But, I got to see a part of her that nobody else could. She stood there, with nothing but a towel on her head and a flush in her cheeks and she smiled at me. I felt like the luckiest man in the world.

"Did you decide to order anything?" She asked, as if she wasn't standing naked in the middle of the room.

"No, I guess I got a little absorbed in my drawing. Did you decide you wanted something, baby?" I asked.

She nodded. "I really fancy some lemon chicken." She told me.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Chinese it is then." I murmured against her lips.

"I'll just go get dressed while you order." She broke the kiss.

"Do you have to?" I groaned.

She just giggled at me and I unashamedly watched her ass as she walked away.

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><p><strong>So, guys, you know the drill. Read, review, share opinions. Say what's on your mind! No editing now! ;)<strong>

**Also, check out my new story! It's Alice/Jasper, as always! **


	29. Chapter 29

"**If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"**

**-Fight Club.**

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I loved living with Jasper. I loved dating Jasper. I loved _Jasper_. I loved my life. He was my life. I was happy. When I took a step back and viewed the larger picture I realised just how much I'd changed as a person. Jasper looked at me as if I was the centre of the universe. He made me feel beautiful and warm and wanted. Every time we were even in the same room I had the goofiest little smile on my face. Before Jasper, I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled.

We were sat on the sofa; Jasper was absently flipping through TV channels with his arms wrapped around my waist, his fingers trailing lazy patterns over my thigh through my jeans. I was basking in my utter contentment and I glanced around the apartment. I snuggled closer into Jasper's side and he automatically pressed a kiss to my head.

"Jazz?" I murmured. He hummed under his breath to let me know he'd heard me.

"Uhmm…I was wondering if, maybe, you could…uh…help me with something?" I stammered.

I surprised myself, I'd never had difficulty talking to Jasper since we'd become official, and he just got me. I could say anything and he'd need little or no explanation. I was nervous about how he'd react because I didn't want him to think I didn't appreciate all he had done and continued to do for me.

"Sure, baby, what's up?" he asked, there was an edge in his voice that I assumed was due to my hesitance.

"I…was hoping to…maybe get a job somewhere…" I murmured.

Jasper tensed slightly and I peered up to find him watching me. He studied me carefully for a moment before answering.

"Are you sure that's what you want? 'Cause I can take care of you, baby." He murmured in reply. I heard the hint of aching in his voice. I knew he wanted to look after me. Jasper needed someone to care for. He was so protective over me and it was something that I loved about him but I didn't want him providing everything for me. It made me feel worthless.

"Please, Jazzy? I don't wanna mooch off you forever. We're supposed to be a team. I wanna contribute to this relationship." I insisted.

"Okay, baby. We'll sort something out." He smiled down at me and I returned it.

When it began to get dark at around five in the afternoon we started to get ready for the New Year's party that Peter and Charlotte were throwing. I was nervous about meeting so many people at once, Peter and Charlotte were the only friends of Jasper's I'd met. I knew that Jasper had had a large social circle but he'd stopped spending time with his friends when Maria had gotten worse, though he'd always been on good terms with them. He told me that he was excited to see them again and he'd heard from many of them to inquire about whether he'd be at the party. I was ridiculously self-conscious about the entire thing. I had so much confidence around Jasper but around strangers I still felt like a smelly street kid. Jasper kept telling me I was worrying unnecessarily but I couldn't shake it. I knew that I couldn't be stuck to Jasper all night because he deserved to catch up with his friends, but I didn't know what I'd do if I couldn't have him beside me. I wanted to go; it would be nice to ring in the New Year with Jasper by my side. I wanted to kiss him at midnight as we made a million silent promises for the year ahead, our first year together.

"Ugh!" I groaned as I threw yet another dress into the pile of others I'd rejected. I briefly wondered when my wardrobe had become so vast and was again hit with just how much Jasper had done for me.

Jasper sauntered in then and raised an eyebrow at me as I stood glaring at my reflection in the full-length mirror. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle. He rested his chin on my shoulder and smiled at me through the mirror until my face softened.

"I hope you're not planning on wearing that." He teased, referring to my matching bra and panties.

"I can't find something to wear!" I grumbled.

"You look beautiful in anything, baby. But you better put something on because I don't want people droolin' at you." He placed a sloppy kiss to my neck and I giggled.

"I want to make a good impression." I whispered.

"Don't start this again." He complained, softly.

"I want to look sophisticated; I don't want to embarrass you." I murmured, wringing my hands together.

"Don't be silly, baby. You're the best thing that ever happened to me." He told me quietly and I blushed red and bit my lip to hide my huge smile.

I broke free of his arms and he left me to get ready. I pulled on a form-fitting LBD with thin straps that came to mid-thigh.

I slipped on some black suede pumps and sat down to my fluff my fair slightly.

When I was somewhat satisfied with the result, I went to find Jasper. His eyes got considerably wider as he looked me over and I blushed again.

He stepped forward to grab my hips and tug me towards him. His met mine in a heated, all-consuming kiss, I'm not sure how long we were lost to each other but when we pulled away he pressed his forehead against me.

"We should get going." He said breathlessly.

We pulled up outside Peter and Charlotte's small two story house on a few minutes later, Jasper was still beaming at the fact he had a car again. When we got inside the main room was already filling up with numerous groups of people involved in different conversations. I squeezed Jasper's hand tightly in apprehension.

"Don't worry about anything, baby. Every one's going to love you." He whispered in my ear before placing a kiss to my temple.

"Jasper!" Someone called, I looked up to see a tall man coming over, his hair was dark and slicked back into a short ponytail, he was dressed in a button-up and some faded jeans.

"Garrett!" Jasper greeted enthusiastically, dropping my hand to give Garrett a manly-hug.

They were instantly involved in a catch-up conversation and I grabbed hold of Jasper's arm to steady myself after somebody drunkenly stumbled into me.

"Who's this?" Garrett smiled down at me, as if only just realising I was present.

Jasper smiled down at me, that sparkle of amazement in his eyes that always baffled me.

"This is Alice. She's the best thing that ever happened to me." He introduced me.

I blushed brilliantly and gave Garrett a shy smile.

"Nice to meet you." I offered.

"Like wise." He told me with a smirk and winked at me.

"Keep off, Garrett, she's mine." Jasper teased with just the hint of a real warning lacing his words.

I took an instinctive step toward Jasper and he possessively wrapped an arm around my waist. Jasper and Garrett chatted a while longer before Garrett excused himself to find the bathroom.

"Don't worry about him, he's harmless but he likes to flirt. He used to get all the girls back in school. He's never really grown-up." Jasper whispered to me in explanation. I nodded slightly.

We made our way further into the house and eventually found Peter and Charlotte. They were sat at a high counter in their kitchen with a few other people that I didn't know. Charlotte hopped up when she saw us and hugged us both in turn. She introduced me to the huddle of people. They each smiled at me and I blushed when Charlotte explained I was Jasper's girlfriend, which the problem gathered already by the way Jasper was holding me.

I didn't talk, I just listened as Jasper caught up with people who had obviously meant a lot to him at one time, it was obvious they'd miss him, and he had missed them in return.

I sat beside Charlotte who was also just listening in and I began to actually relax. After a few minutes Jasper pressed a kiss to my temple.

"Will you be alright with Charlotte if I go off with the guys?" he whispered.

I knew he would stay with me if I wanted him to, and I did want him to, and that was selfish.

"I'll be fine. Go have fun." I told him.

"I love you." He murmured before he pressed a chaste kiss to my lips and headed outside with the rest of the men he'd been talking to. I turned back to the remaining people at the counter.

"So, you're Jasper's new girl." One of them addressed me; I think her name might have been Lucy.

I nodded, a small smile gracing my face.

"You're not what I imagined." A second girl spoke up, standing beside Lucy.

I saw Charlotte glare at them in my peripheral, the two girls seemed oblivious to her as the stared me down.

"Lucy, Nettie. That's enough, leave her alone." Charlotte told them firmly.

With a huff they were gone, hair waving side to side with the sashaying hips as they walked away.

"Ignore them. They used to be friends with Maria until she got Jasper. They've wanted him for, like, ever." Charlotte explained, rolling her eyes.

Charlotte and I continued our conversation and I felt a lot better, my anxiety was melting away every second. I zoned out slightly as I watched Jasper through the glass of the patio door, he was out on the back porch having a cigarette with Peter, Garrett and a few others. They were laughing and the sound, though muffled, reached us even over the music of the party. I watched as Jasper's bright smile caused his eyes to twinkle, his hair had fallen into his face when he'd shaken his head in amusement. A cigarette was held between two fingers as his hand was wrapped around the neck of glass bottle.

"You're really good for him, y'know." Charlotte said suddenly.

"Huh?" I asked, looking at her again.

She inclined her head to Jasper.

"See that? He's laughing with his friends, and having a couple of beers. I haven't seen him that relaxed in way too long. He stopped drinking when Maria got addicted, and he stopped returning calls in exchange of looking after her. He gave up everything for her, and with you, he's happy. He can have his life back." She explained with a small smile.

At that moment Jasper looked up, as if knowing that we were talking about him. He waved at me with a painfully cute half smile. I waved back with a blush and I swear he was chuckling.

"You're so cute together." Charlotte breathed and then blushed, as if she hadn't meant to say it aloud.

The rest of the party was carefree, I danced and had a few drinks, and I spoke with a few people. There were triplets whose names were Kate, Tanya and Irina. They were beautiful and bubbly, so full of life and flirting with every guy in sight but they were fun, and genuinely nice to me. It was a few hours before Jasper found me.

"I've been looking for you." He murmured in my ear as his arms wound around my waist.

I giggled and leant into him. I turned to face him and gave him a rather sloppy kiss. He chuckled.

"Baby, are you drunk?" He asked, clearly amused.

"A little bit, but its New Year's." I answered and I was a little mortified by just how much my speech slurred.

Jasper tugged me impossibly closer. He smiled brilliantly down at me.

"I know, in just under 3 minutes." He inclined his head toward the clock and I beamed up at him.

We swayed slightly, much too slow to be with the music but it was nice; I rested my head on his shoulder as he squeezed me.

"Happy New Year, baby." He whispered as everyone else called out the count-down in drunken yells and laughter.

He took my face between his hands and captured my lips with his. I wound my arms around his neck tight and put everything I had into that kiss. It was a new year and I was entering it happy. I was loved and cared for and everything was perfect and I wanted us to have many more New Year's together. And while my tongued duelled with his, I told him my every thought and as the party goers embraced and cheered, there was just us, oblivious to our surroundings, surrounded by each other.

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><p><em><strong>Review please! And check out my new story! Choking smoke and shattered mirrors!<strong>_


	30. Chapter 30

"_**There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.**_

_**There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt."**_

_**Cannonball – Damien Rice.**_

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><p><em><strong>APOV<strong>_

I woke up on the first of January, alone. I bolted up and my head throbbed with the movement. My joints screamed at me. _Was I hit by a truck on the way home?_

It seemed a likely possibility, considering I couldn't remember getting home. I couldn't remember anything after the New Year's kiss. That reminded me, where was Jasper? Why wasn't he in bed?

Before I could panic completely the door creaked open, he stuck his head around it and came in when he saw I was awake.

He perched himself on the edge of the mattress and he smiled at me softly.

"How're you feelin', baby?" He asked.

"I hurt." I whined, throwing myself back down into bed and groaning at the pain the action caused me.

"What hurts?" He questioned me gently, reaching over to run his fingers through my hair.

"Everything." I grumbled, my voice getting muffled by the pillow I buried my face in.

He chuckled softly and I felt him shift to lie beside me, he continued to play with my hair.

"I take it you've never been hung-over before." He guessed.

"Ughh…If this is a hangover, promise to never let me drink again." I whimpered.

I tensed. It was only then that I remembered Maria, and all the shit she'd put Jasper through because of her alcoholic shit. What if Jasper was mad at me for drinking too much? What if he was disappointed? What if he was worried I'd turn out like her? He wouldn't say anything to me, I knew he wouldn't. And that only worried me more.

I turned my head to take a peek at him, he just smiled at me. I wondered what he was thinking.

"You gonna get out of bed today?" he teased.

"What time is it?" I mumbled.

"Nearly 3 in the afternoon." He informed me.

"What?" I jumped up into a sitting position and then groaned at my throbbing head.

"Ow." I whimpered.

He chuckled and pulled me over to cuddle into his side. I looked down and I was wearing one of his shirts, I didn't remember getting changed.

Jasper must have noticed my confusion.

"Yeah, I kinda had to undress you when we got home, you passed out and you were kinda caked in vomit…" he explained.

I moaned in embarrassment.

"Kill me now." I grumbled into his chest.

He chuckled and placed a kiss to my head. His fingers ran soothing patterns into my back under the shirt and I realised that Jasper really wasn't mad at me. I still felt wretched because even if I getting drunk hadn't bothered Jasper it still must've brought back memories of what Maria had put him through. I sighed.

Jasper might not be disappointed with me, but I was definitely disappointed with myself.

"Jazzy, I'm sorry that you had to deal with that." I murmured.

He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead.

"Don't worry about it. It was New Year's, most people were way worse off than you were." He informed me.

"It won't happen again. I'm not her." I vowed.

"I know, baby. It's fine, really, I don't mind." He insisted.

I sighed heavily and wriggled closer to him.

"I still feel bad." I murmured.

I took a deep breath and that's when I smelt it. I smelt like sweat, cigarette smoke, sick and the stagnant, sickly sweet smell of stale alcohol. I groaned.

"Ew. I need a shower." I moaned. My entire body protested at the idea of having to get out of bed.

Jasper chuckled and I was mortified that he had seen me in such a state. I hid my face in his chest. I felt rotten.

"You feelin' sick, baby?" He asked gently.

He was so perfect. It just made me feel worse about myself. I knew that he needed someone to take care of. Jasper was a protective person by nature; it made _him_ feel better if he could help others. And because it made him happy, I wouldn't and couldn't complain about it. Even if I did feel worthless, sometimes.

I hauled myself up and staggered to the bathroom, horrified by how little control I seemed to have over my motor functions. The hot water pelted down on me as I stood in the shower, staring at the cracks in the tile. I felt so tired, like I couldn't hold my own weight, like my legs couldn't keep me standing, but under the spray I didn't feel so nauseous. Bit by bit the tension was relieved from my body, the heat helped me relax, made me feel cleaner, fresher, ready for the day.

I sighed happily as I scrubbed my hair dry and dressed in simple jeans and a t-shirt. I made my way into the kitchen where Jasper handed me some toast. The thought of food made my stomach roll. I was about to tell him I didn't want it.

"It will help your stomach settle. Bread helps line your stomach, it's usually wise to each some _before_ drinking, too." He informed me with a teasing smile.

I smiled in thanks before taking the plate from him and heading for the living room.

I spent the afternoon watching TV with Jasper, his fingertips trailed lazy caresses over my arm as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I was so comfortable that I fell asleep.

_I was sat in an alley way, paralysed by fear, the chill of winter setting thick in my bones. I shivered involuntarily and tried not to make a sound. I heard the footsteps approach, heavy, clumsy footfalls and panting breaths of a man who wished to hurt me. I curled in on myself further just as he stumbled around the corner. He smirked at me, flashing his crooked teeth as he took a final swig of his beer before shattering the glass bottle on the opposite wall. He lurched toward me, falling. He collapsed on top of me, his weight pinning me to the frost layered ground. I called out, but no one came. No one cared. He closed his grubby, sweating palm over my mouth to stop me from crying out further. I struggled, but he was just too big. I squirmed but it seemed to egg him on. Before I realised the extent of what was happening I felt a ripping, stinging pain and was agonisingly made aware of the fact that during my struggle he'd managed to undress me. I screamed against his hand, hot tears staining my face. It hurt. It hurt so bad that I wished I could die. He grunted and bile rose in my throat at his sick enjoyment of how he was violating me. I looked desperately towards the entrance to the alley, and there he stood, in the halo of a street lamp. Jasper. He met my gaze evenly and carried on walking._

I woke up screaming. Blood curdling shrieks left my throat as violent sobs wracked my body. I was covered in a sheen of sweat as my heart attempted to jump through my chest. It was dark, and I was in bed. It was night time.

"Alice? Baby, what's wrong?" Jasper called to me, but he seemed so far away.

He reached to grab my arm and I flinched at the contact.

I looked up and saw the hurt in his face. It made me cry harder. It was a dream. It was only a dream. Jasper had found me before that man could. Jasper hadn't hurt me. Jasper would never hurt me.

"Tell me you love me." I begged pathetically as I collapsed into his arms.

"I love you. You know that. I love you so much." He murmured into my hair as he rocked me gently.

I looked into his eyes with a wild desperation and I forcefully met his lips with my own. I needed him to show me. I just needed him. He pulled back, unsure. He must have seen the urgent, desperate plea in my eyes because he brought his lips back to mine. He loved me. He showed me. He poured everything into it, and I was hyperaware of his every movement. We didn't utter a word; our pants were a symphony in the dark night. And afterward, he held me tight, placing gentle kisses all over my face.

"You gonna tell me what happened?" he asked softly as he wiped my sweaty hair out of my eyes.

"It was just a nightmare…" I murmured. I knew that.

I didn't want to talk about it. I took a deep breath. There was a pause, the silence thick between us. I knew he wasn't going to let it go. He turned me to look in his eyes.

"Tell me, please?" he requested.

"I had a nightmare about the night that you found me, but someone else found me first, and he…he…he…_hurt_…me. And you saw it. And you didn't care." I explained.

He heard my emphasis on the word 'hurt', and he knew what I'd really meant. He held me tighter. I looked up to see his jaw locked, he was angry. I looked away.

"I won't ever let anything happen to you." He vowed.

I realised that he wasn't angry at me, he was angry at the concept of someone harming me. I snuggled closer to him.

"I love you." I whispered before I fell into a much more peaceful sleep.

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><p><em><strong>So, a bit of an experience for Alice in this chapter, huh? Alice's hangover is like a written description of my own, the one I'm sporting right now. Ugh. So, what do you think? <strong>_


	31. Chapter 31

Sorry I haven't updated in fo'ever. I'm actually trying to write my own novel. A lot of my time has been taken up by that process and a lot of the things that usually inspire me are fuelling that project. On Friday the 23rd I saw Mayday Parade, Kids in Glass Houses and You Me At Six in concert. So much fun. So inspired!

Unrelated side note: After over two years, I decided to ditch my bright red/ black hair and now sport a far more interesting blue-green/black hairstyle!

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><p>"<em><strong>If I just save you, you could save, you could save me too.<strong>_

_**What do I do when I am so in love with you?**_

_**I forgot what I wanted to say.**_

_**What do I do when I am so in love with you?**_

_**I forgot what I wanted to say.**_

_**No one does it better, no one does it better."**_

'_**No one does it better.' – You Me At Six.**_

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><p><em><strong>JPOV.<strong>_

Alice's nightmare had worried me immensely. She hadn't had a nightmare since living with me, not that I could recall. I was infuriated by the very idea of anyone harming her, but to violate her so brutally was unthinkable. I knew that it was just a dream and nothing had actually happened to her, for which I was glad but that meant that I was angry and had nothing to take it out on. I wondered where that particular fear had originated from, and why would she think for a second that I wouldn't help her? I would've helped _anyone_ in that situation! And I would _never_ let _anything _happen to her!

It had scared me, she'd been screaming, sobbing. When she'd collapsed into me, she'd clung to me, it seemed that she had needed assurance that I really did care for her. When she'd begged me to tell her I loved her. It had broken my heart. I never thought I'd given her a reason to doubt how I felt, and I knew that it wasn't my fault, or her fault. There was no one to blame, she'd just been frightened, but it still made me worry that I didn't tell her enough.

I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I just watched her carefully, hoping that she wouldn't be struck again by a nightmare. I loved her, wholly and completely. It was almost absurd how much I loved her. I didn't even know her last name. When I thought about it, I didn't know anything about her. But, I knew enough to know that I was madly in love with her. I would do anything for her.

She was a survivor. She depended on herself. She'd been through such hard times. She was wise beyond her years. She was funny. She was genuine. Her smile lit up her face. The lights danced in her eyes. She was beautiful. She was untameable. She was strong. She was broad-minded. She was appreciative. She was loyal. She was determined. She was adorably timid. She was everything I never knew I was missing. She needed me just as much as I needed her. She loved me, unconditionally.

She was perfect. It almost hurt to love her so much, my chest burned with an almost painful fire whenever I looked at her. An electric current zipped across my skin whenever she smiled. I knew for definite that this was nothing I'd felt before. Everything was intense, I was burning, and every second I spent with her was another ember that licked at my core. I liked the heat, it was white-hot and piercing, nothing had ever been so real. Nothing had ever hit me so hard. Nothing would ever make me feel more alive.

She sighed in her sleep and snuggled closer, I smiled down at her. With a glance at the clock I huffed when I realised it was almost time for me to get up for my first day back at work after New Year's. I managed to disentangle myself out from under Alice without waking her and I padded off to the bathroom to shower. When I was dressed and ready I debated letting Alice sleep in as long as possible, but worried that if she woke up and I was gone she'd freak out because of her nightmare. I didn't want to leave her without a goodbye, I never had. Granted, she was usually awake by the time I left for work, but I hadn't been working since we got together, things were different now.

I perched myself on the edge of the bed. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her bare shoulder.

"Alice, baby, wake up." I whispered. She grumbled at me.

"Baby, I have to go now, you gonna be okay?" I asked.

"What? Why?" She asked, bolting up.

"Shh, just work. I'll be back later." I soothed her.

Her eyes focused on my face as she realised what was happening. She nodded slightly and I felt awful, I didn't want to leave her when she was upset. I kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes, let out a happy little breath.

"Bye." She murmured.

"Bye." I whispered before I left.

I drove to work, for the first time in entirely too long and when I pulled up Peter had a cigarette ready for me. I smiled in thanks.

"How's Charlotte?" I asked.

"She's good. She'd nervous, but excited. I can't believe I'm gonna be a dad." He breathed.

"You'll do great. I'd give anything to be a father." I admitted.

"Well, who knows. I mean, Alice knows how you feel right?"

"Yeah, she knows. But, we've only been together officially for less than 2 weeks. I don't want her to feel like she has to do what she thinks I want to make it work, y'know?" I reasoned.

"Pfft, it doesn't matter how long you've been together. You love her, she loves you. I've seen you two together. I know you want her forever, with commitment like that time doesn't matter." He countered.

"Yeah." I murmured.

I smiled to myself as I imagined Alice's tiny body swelling with my unborn child. I imagined I would kiss her stomach and tell our child that I loved them before they could even hear me. I wanted it. I wanted everything, with her. Forever.

"So, tell me about Alice. I don't know much about her. How old is she?" Peter questioned.

"18." I answered immediately, that much I did know.

"Where's she from?" he asked.

"I don't know." I admitted, he raised an eyebrow at me.

"What's her last name?"

"I don't know." I whispered like a boy in confession.

"How did she survive on the streets before you? Was there a hostel, or was she, like, thieving?" he wondered.

I didn't know. If anybody was ever going to take our relationship seriously then I was going to have to talk to Alice about this. I didn't know anything about her. I knew enough to love her, obviously. But when people found out about her they were going to ask me questions, and I wouldn't be able to answer them. There were so many things I wanted to know.

_Where was she from?_

_How far had she travelled?_

_What were her interests?_

_What were her dreams?_

_What had she wanted to be?_

Around lunch time the bell above the door sounded and I looked up on instinct, smiling widely when I saw Alice. When I walked over she beamed at me, and I was pleased to see that her earlier mood had disappeared.

"Table for one?" I inquired.

"No. I'm waiting for my date." She sassed back. I chuckled.

I let her to a booth by the large bay window. It wasn't a very busy day so I doubted a larger party would enter and require the table. She got herself comfortable in the old, over-padded leather bench-seat and I sat across from her. I was due for a break and I again assumed that due to how quiet business had been, my assistance wouldn't be needed. It was strange, I'd missed Alice while at work, I mean, I'd thought about her on the job before; it was different now that we were exclusive. I felt the need to be with her, always. I decided that it was as good a time as any to get some answers from her. I had so many questions, and I'm sure she was expecting an interrogation. I knew that it was a little less than fair to ask her directly in such a public setting where she couldn't distract or avoid me, I hadn't intended on backing her into a corner but it seemed that when were in the apartment we slipped into a world that was just ours, and the important seemed trivial, and so my questions never got asked.

"There's a lot of stuff that I still don't know." I stated. I wanted to know if she would tell me anything voluntarily, I knew her past was shady and difficult for her to discuss, but I needed to know. And I felt like she needed to tell me, for her sake as well as mine.

She nodded meekly, her eyes downcast. I waited for her to speak, I didn't want to just sit there and drill her with questions, which would be my last resort, I gave her a chance to organise her thoughts.

"My name is Alice Brandon, I'm 18 years old. My mother is dead. My father abandoned me before I was even born. My step-father and step-brother tried to rape me. I ran. I hid. I survived." She listed off the basic information of her existence, I knew she was editing. I didn't like the fact that she was hiding from me.

"Alice…" I whispered her name and reached across the table-top for her hand. "Baby, talk to me." I murmured. I was desperate for some depth, some passion, and some semblance of any experience. What had she been through? What had she done? You can't just hide and survive. She knew it and so did I.

"There's nothing to talk about!" she snapped and withdrew her hand from my grasp. She was lying.

"There has to be something Alice! Everyone has a story and yours is obviously something you don't want me to know, otherwise you wouldn't be so defensive!" I countered.

"You really wanna know? What difference would it make?" she fumed. I shook my head.

"I don't know what you want from me, Alice. I love you. I've given you everything. You know me inside and out, my entire life has been laid down for you to examine. You know everything there is to know about me. And I didn't even know your second name. You can't tell me I'm being unfair. You can't tell me that I don't deserve to know, because I do. So, what's your excuse?" She put her head down in defeated and a small sniffle let me know that I'd made her cry. I instantly felt like shit.

"Baby, don't cry…you know I hate it when you cry…just, why won't you tell me?" I whispered.

"Because I don't want you to hate me." She whimpered. I had no idea about what she'd done, I didn't know who she'd been or the lows she'd had to stoop to. But, I would never leave her. She touched me in a way that no one ever had. The changes in me were irreversible. She'd made me different, and I couldn't be without her.

"I could never hate you. I don't know what you've done, Alice. But, I do know that you've been forced into situations that no one should ever find themselves in. I would assume in situations like that you do what you have to, in desperation, not choice. No one can be blamed for something like that." I murmured. She sniffled a little more before wiping her eyes and looking up at me.

"When I was first out on the streets, I tried to beg. It doesn't help, it's last resort, kill some time business. The world is a pit, full of nasty people with selfish intentions. You learn things like that when you're starving and shivering and people spit at you and kick you aside like you're a rodent. With each day a little more of you believes that the world is nothing more than a compassionless place full of compassionless people. Nobody sympathises with the weak, nobody cares for the poor. There is power in wealth and success is fuelled by greed. That's all I ever saw. That's all society ever showed me. Each time somebody turned their nose up to me, was a night I'd lie hungry. I wasted away in public, where thousands of people watched and didn't help. When all I needed was the change in their pocket that they'd long forgotten they owned." I tried to picture what she described. I'd met some vile people in my lifetime, but I was raised with a compassionate family, and was a compassionate person. I didn't like the picture Alice painted. I didn't want to accept that the world could be so grim. I knew it was truth though, Alice had seen reality in a much harsher light.

"What did you do?" I murmured, taking a hold of her hand again. She smiled a sad smile and took a deep breath.

"At first? I stole. I took what I needed from people who didn't know what need was. I took from the people who didn't deserve what they had. But, I was never malicious. I just took some food or a jacket from an unlocked house, I even became skilled in the art of pick-pocketing. I didn't like it though, I couldn't continue with it." She trailed off in a way that suggested that the worst was around the corner.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because, I was disgusted with myself. I was no better than they were. I didn't earn the food, or the comfort or the money. My mother always said that you have to work hard to get where you wanna go. My mother worked two jobs with long, tedious hours to give me the best living she could. The people that I stole from, I didn't know them. What if they had kids? What kind of example was I setting? I wanted the world to be a better place, yet I was one of the things wrong with it." She explained. Her jaw clenched suddenly and I knew she didn't want to finish her story. But, I needed her to tell me. I needed to understand.

"So, what did you do instead?" I murmured.

"I earned it. I earned a living doing the only thing I was able to. In desperation and self-loathing, I threw myself at any man that looked my way. I flogged my body to the highest bidder. I hated myself, but I hated them more. The men with their grimy faces and their sweaty hands, they would whisper to me in booze-laced breath and I would scrunch my eyes tight and try to think of anything remotely happy. But happiness didn't exist for me. I lost my virginity to a paying customer. It was pain and darkness and I couldn't even scream because I needed his money. My lip bled from how hard I clamped down my teeth. It lasted longer than I could take. He threw me a $20 and left me against the alley wall. I was raw and bleeding and sobbing. But I wasn't hungry that night, or the night after."

I stared unseeingly at her for a long moment. She was sobbing now, her tiny shoulders hunched and shaking. I couldn't form words. My beautiful, perfect Alice. I could tell that she remembered that night so vividly.

"It became a routine. Flash some skin. Make an offer. Get used as a toy. Get violated. Get paid. Every single time I hated myself more. Every single time I wondered if maybe death wouldn't be so bad after all." She blubbered.

I was still stunned, utterly motionless before her. I knew I should reassure her. I couldn't think of what to say.

"Jasper, you're the only person who's ever made love to me." She spoke quietly. That one admission snapped me out of my trance. I was her first lover. I was the only person she'd ever _wanted_ to be with.

"I love you." I whispered. "Come here."

She moved to sit beside me on my side of the booth. I pulled her against my chest and just let her cry. I whispered sweet nothings to her until she calmed down. "I love you so much." I murmured into her hair.

"I love you. Please don't send me away." She whimpered into my chest.

"Never, baby. You're mine forever." I promised. She snuggled closer.

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><p><em>Okay guys! Review! What'd did you think of this exploration? I think that both Alice and Jasper have really built a solid foundation for their relationship now. How do you feel about it?<em>

_Well, I don't know when the next update will be, but reviews are inspiration, and your feedback may well shape the next chapter! _

_I'm actually going to Barry Island with the guys from college tomorrow, so I definitely won't be updating tomorrow but I promise to work harder and faster with this whole updating thing._

_Anyone who's British and reading should know where Barry Island is. :')_

_Thanks for your continual support!_

_Much love!_


	32. Chapter 32

We worked and changed our ways,

Just like wild fire,

We've been burning now for days.

Tearing down those walls, nothing's in our way.

I said nothing's in our way.

Crash – You Me At Six.

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><p><em><strong>One year later.<strong>_

_**APOV**_

My life suddenly meant something, and not just to me, but to everyone that I was involved with. I had purpose. I had all of the things that a person needs, all of the things that I'd had to go so long without, and more.

I worked at a local bakery, run by a sweet old woman named Margaret Brown. Marge was a lovely woman who was rather fond of Esme, and when Esme and I had gone shopping and popped into to see her, she'd warmed to me almost instantly, and offered me the job I so desperately wanted.

Esme and I had gone shopping for the baby. It was a miraculous coincidence, I found out I was pregnant the very same morning that Charlotte gave birth to her beautiful baby boy Simon. The second I told Esme she'd whisked me shopping, we didn't know the sex of the baby and we still had a long wait but she insisted on starting early.

Jasper was ecstatic; I've never in my life seen a person smile so wide. He cried. He actually cried. He was so sweet though, even though he was overbearing and overprotective and I often lost my patience, he never lost his patience with me.

Marge told me that she would understand if I didn't want the job due to my pregnancy, but I liked to keep busy, and it wasn't exactly exhausting work. I was 4 months along and just starting to show, it was my second month at the bakery when Charlotte stopped by with Simon.

Simon was adorable, chubby and dimpled with shining blue eyes and a shock of white-blond hair. I loved entertaining Simon and Jasper said the he knew I'd make a great mother, but I was nervous. I'd been dealt some terrible hands and it was still hard for me to believe that things could be so good for so long.

Charlotte and I chatted through my lunch break, sipping tea and devouring warm, fresh pastries. I was sad to see her leave, but I knew I had work to do.

I was wiping over the counter when the bell above the door rang again. I didn't have to look up to know who it was, immediately a squeal of "Auntie Alice" came from the entrance-way. I smiled at the happiness in Jessie's voice, I'd nearly burst with joy the first time she called me 'Auntie'. I looked up expected to see Rosalie, who had warmed to me considerably and actually considered me a sister, she was the older sister I'd never had, the shoulder to cry on. I don't know exactly what made her change her mind but she was usually just as happy to see me as Jessie.

However, when I glanced up, it wasn't Rosalie with Jessie, it was Jasper. I smiled.

"Someone's popular today." Marge teased as she made her way into the kitchen to retrieve the new batch of cinnamon rolls.

"Auntie Alice! Auntie Alice!" Jessie called for my attention. I walked around the counter to greet them and bent down to her level.

"Hey sweetie." I cooed.

She gave me a big hug and squealed when I tickled her. Jasper smiled down at us and when I stood up again, he pulled me to his side.

"You have a good day?" He asked softly, kissing my temple.

"Yeah, it's been great. Charlotte stopped by with Simon." I told him. He smiled broadly at the mention of our god-son. "What brings you here?" I asked.

"Uncle Jazz said we had to check on you." Jessie explained.

"Did he now?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and Jasper.

"Can't I be worried?" he asked bashfully.

I snorted. "Worried? You're obsessed with me, Jazz." I teased.

"You're not wrong, baby." He murmured against my ear. "But, I do worry." He said a lot more seriously, his hand now over my bump.

"I know you do, but I'm fine." I insisted.

"I was just taking Jessie out for the day, and I couldn't exactly come in to town and not stop by." He defended himself.

"Okay fine."

"Nice to see you too, baby." He replied sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. "You know I'm happy to see you, you big goof."

Jessie giggled at us.

Marge brought out a coffee for Jasper, a tea for me and some juice and a muffin for Jessie. We thanked her and sat to enjoy it.

"So, Jessie, you want your cousin to be a boy or a girl?" Jasper asked casually.

Jessie tilted her head to the side, her mass of chocolate-curls jerking with the movement. She thought for a moment before scrunching up her tiny nose.

"A girl, boys smell." She stated matter-of-factly.

Jasper laughed heartily and shook his head.

"I'm offended." He teased; she just stuck her tongue out at him.

When it was time for them to leave Jasper pulled me close and gave me a lingering kiss, his knuckles brushing over my bump before he took a step back. Jessie wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed my stomach; I hugged her back tightly and kissed her head.

I waved them off until they were out of sight. I let my hand fall to rest over my baby. The baby I'd never imagined in a million years that I would have. I would wager that I was the happiest person on the face of the planet because I appreciated every single second I had in my new life, because I knew in excruciating detail what it was like to be without happiness, to be without love, and family and shelter, and health, and all of the things that everyone else takes for granted. I didn't know whether my child would be a boy or a girl. I didn't know what we'd call them. But I knew I was ready for all of the sleepless nights, all of the tears and sick, and dirty diapers, I was ready for the pain of childbirth. I could picture the beaming smile on Jasper's face. All of those things were beautiful.

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><p><strong>Okay guys, I have to explain this. There was so much I wanted to do with this, but I couldn't. I don't know why. I just couldn't. I had ideas, but no way to get there, or no way to get back from it. I actually planned on Alice becoming pregnant 4 months into Charlotte's pregnancy and having Charlotte lose her baby that same day, and having Charlotte resent Alice. That was going to be the next arc of the story and then I was somehow gonna round it up. But, I've never finished any multi-chap story before. So, this is it. If it's shit then I apologize. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. But, I swear if I start another story. I will finish it, I will plan it out point by point and it will be worth reading. So, with that, I end 'in the darkness..'<strong>


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